


shot another bad boy down

by doietokki



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, Angst, Fluff and Angst, Heavy Angst, Implied Sexual Content, M/M, Minor Character Death, Moral Ambiguity, Non-Explicit Sex, Slow Burn, dont be fooled by the fluff tag it gets pretty dark, renhyuck besties
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-10
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:48:22
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 69,210
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24376771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/doietokki/pseuds/doietokki
Summary: Assigned to eliminate the heir of a super rich company, Renjun’s plan was simple – kiss Jaemin to catch him off guard and drive his knife into the unsuspecting boy’s stomach. But what he didn’t expect was for Jaemin to kiss him first, making him regret not popping a poisoned candy into his mouth, one that he could slide into Jaemin’s.Except maybe that was just Renjun trying to deny the fact that he actually liked the kiss... because how could Jaemin have him so powerless like this, even with his knife so close?
Relationships: Huang Ren Jun & Lee Donghyuck | Haechan, Huang Ren Jun/Na Jaemin, Moon Taeil/Suh Youngho | Johnny
Comments: 20
Kudos: 189
Collections: RENMIN FIC FEST: ROUND ONE





	shot another bad boy down

**Author's Note:**

> written for RM059
> 
> to saz, who has had my back from the very first day, i’ll love you forever. thank you for always bringing out the best in me and never getting tired of me complaining whenever i get stuck. without you, i don’t think i would be able to finish this.
> 
> next, to the prompter, i hope i did your prompt justice! thank you for giving me the chance to write this. i had a lot of fun working on it and i hope you’ll have a lot of fun reading it too :)
> 
> lastly, to the admins! thank you for organising this fest. through this, i hope we’ll all be able to manifest a renmin selca <3

He made his way up the stairs of the luxurious condominium, careful not to make any sound. His breathing was rather ragged.

“Three more floors,” a voice said in his ear.

“Why can’t I just take the damn elevator?” he hissed.

“That’s too risky, Agent Huang.”

“Fuck you, Donghyuck.”

“Hey, not my fault the target lives on the 19th floor.”

Renjun huffed as he took two steps at a time now. He thought back to his cozy apartment that he shared with Donghyuck, his comfy bed where he could snuggle with his Moomin plushie on nights that he couldn’t fall asleep, his sketchbook that he would pick up on days where he was off from work and doodle abstract things…

Today just wasn’t one of those days.

He was assigned to eliminate this man – Renjun kind of forgot the information on his profile – after dinner. Not that the man’s background information or the reason to take him out was important anyway, it was his facial features that mattered. After all, Renjun didn’t want to accidentally kill the wrong person.

The only problem was that the target’s meeting ended early and he was currently on his way home. This meant that Renjun had to leave for the location earlier than planned and it left him no time for dinner.

Oh, he was going to kill this man for sure.

Renjun stopped when he finally reached the landing, crouching to catch his breath. “Fucking hell,” he panted. “Maybe I would’ve had more energy if my last meal wasn’t during lunch.”

Donghyuck laughed in his ear. “Don’t worry, I’ll make you dinner when you get back later.”

“You better.”

Pushing the door to the 19th floor open, Renjun squinted his eyes at the brightness of the lights in the corridor. Then, he began scanning the doors of the units to find unit 1917. It was to the left, at the end of the hallway. He started walking.

“Hold,” Donghyuck suddenly said. “Movement at your 6 o’clock.”

Renjun ignored him and kept walking.

“Agent,” Donghyuck warned.

“I just want to get this over with,” he whispered into the small mic attached to the collar of his coat. He rolled his eyes and sighed exasperatedly, starting to brisk walk. “I’m fucking starving.”

It wasn’t long before he heard the ding of the elevator. Whoever was there must’ve been gone by now.

“Civilian?” he asked, just to make sure. Renjun may act impulsively at times but he still cared about the consequences. Sometimes.

“Yeah, but still… you should be more careful.”

Renjun didn’t say anything else as he reached the door of unit 1917. He stared at the keypad on the door and waited for Donghyuck’s next instruction.

“160825.”

With a gloved hand, Renjun punched the digits onto the security device. A beeping sound was heard, signalling that he was granted access and the sound of the door unlocking ensued. He pushed it open, entered, and shut the door in one swift movement. Once he was inside, Renjun eyed the place to find a spot to hide until the target arrived. He opted to just stay behind the door.

His in-ear comm crackled to life once again. “Target located. Five minutes.”

He lifted a finger to the device in his ear just so he could complain to the only person who was listening. “Can he hurry up, I want to go home already,” Renjun grumbled.

“Patience, agent. Four minutes.”

Renjun glared into the darkness of the room. He crossed his arms and tapped a foot impatiently in tandem with every passing second.

“Three minutes.”

It was silent again, the only sounds he could hear being his heartbeat, his breathing and the tapping of his foot before Donghyuck’s voice came in his ear once more.

“Two minutes.”

Renjun forcefully threw his head back in frustration, groaning when it hit the wall harder than he anticipated. He cradled his throbbing head, swear words slipping past his lips.

“One minute.”

Renjun stood up straight and readied himself to welcome the target to his death. He felt a little dizzy from the impact, but not dizzy enough to prevent him from carrying out his job. Killing was almost like second nature to him after all.

“Ten seconds,” he heard Donghyuck say in his ear at the same time he heard the beeping of the keypad from outside.

On second thought, maybe behind the door wasn’t exactly the best place to hide. He really couldn’t put his brain to good use on an empty stomach. Renjun cursed himself inwardly.

He held his breath as he watched the door open, followed by the entrance of the target. He wasted no time in pulling the man inside roughly and kicking the door closed with his foot soon after.

“Any last words, Mr Choi?”

The man was too stunned to move a muscle. His eyes were wide when he said, “What the fuck?!”

“Good question.”

Renjun snapped his neck.

—

“Where are you going?”

“Where does it look like I’m headed to?” Renjun whispered into the small mic.

“Not the HQ, that’s for sure.”

The sun had already set and the sky was a shade of dark blue. Renjun acted like a normal person to blend in with the crowd as if he hadn’t just broken someone’s neck minutes ago and left them to die. Donghyuck’s voice was drowned out, no longer paying attention to what his handler was saying when his eyes landed on a couple who held hands lovingly.

“Seems nice,” he murmured to himself.

Donghyuck snorted. “Yeah, I’m positive returning to HQ right about now because the boss wants to see you seems very nice.”

“I’m going to get banana milk before facing him so bye,” Renjun replied.

And with that, he removed his earpiece from his ear, shoving it into his pocket before Donghyuck could nag him.

—

“Good evening, sir.”

“Good evening, Agent Huang,” the boss’ eyes flitted to the banana milk in his hand. “I see that you brought your dinner.”

“I had to leave earlier than planned. Didn’t have the chance to have a proper dinner, sir,” Renjun justified his action of bringing food into the boss’ office.

“Cut the formalities, Agent Huang. I already said you could call me Johnny hyung.”

Renjun took a sip of his banana milk. “Couldn’t say the same for you.”

The tense atmosphere with the hostility that it brought along with it was suffocating Renjun. Johnny always seemed off but it was whatever, wasn’t it? A man who hired people to kill other people surely didn’t sound like someone who was very right in the head.

But then again, it was Renjun and other agents doing all the dirty work while receiving orders from Johnny.

The silence was broken by the man’s laugh. “Alright, then. Please take a seat, Agent Huang.” He waited for Renjun to settle down, banana milk still in hand, before continuing. “Sorry to hold you back for a bit, especially since you just came back from a mission.”

Renjun decided against voicing out his thoughts. “It’s fine, sir.”

It wasn’t.

He really just wanted to go home, have dinner, take a cold and relaxing shower, then cuddle with his Moomin plushie to sleep. Not to mention that his legs were starting to ache from the strenuous activity he did earlier of climbing up the stairs to the 19th floor of a condominium.

“I take it that you successfully eliminated the target?” At Renjun nodding his head, Johnny said, “Great job, agent.”

Renjun drank in the last drops of his banana milk. “Thank you, sir.” He opened one side of his coat to keep the empty bottle for the meantime before throwing it away when he got home but was stopped when he saw that the piece of clothing was filled with knives. He sighed and just held the empty bottle before turning to look at Johnny expectantly, waiting for him to explain the reason he wanted to see Renjun.

“Oh yeah, before you go…” Johnny searched for something in the stack of files he had on his table. He handed one of them to Renjun. “Your next assignment,” he said with a smile.

Renjun opened it and was greeted by a mop of pink hair. The target looked to be around his age and – Renjun wasn’t gonna lie – he was pretty good looking, too.

_Na Jaemin_ , it read. Nothing else was written on the profile apart from the fact that he was the heir of some super rich company. That was weird, but Renjun didn’t care. He didn’t think questioning the reason for his contract killings was necessary. Not when he received a huge amount of money just by pulling the trigger or snapping someone’s neck, or whatever technique Renjun felt like doing depending on his mood.

“How does two days from now sound?” Johnny asked.

“Not a big deal.”

—

Renjun caught a whiff of something delicious when he opened the door to the apartment he shared with his best friend.

“Welcome home, Injunnie!” Donghyuck called out from the kitchen. Looked like he got off from work earlier than Renjun did.

He silently locked the door and kicked his boots off, groaning when he recognised the smell as takeout instead of a homemade meal. Renjun was getting sick of it. He really craved a homemade meal, God please, just once–

“Injun?” Donghyuck called his name again, worriedly this time.

Usually, Renjun would say a greeting back whenever he came home. It was a rule between them – to greet each other once they got home – to make sure it wasn’t an intruder.

Such a rule was necessary, considering the life they lead.

Renjun tried to become one with the wall – which was impossible, really, since the walls were beige in colour and he was dressed in all black – as Donghyuck rounded the corner to inspect the doorway. Then, just when the other boy was within reach, Renjun grabbed him harshly, spun him around and pinned him to the wall, holding one of Donghyuck’s arms behind his back. If Renjun was a tad bit more rough, Donghyuck would’ve probably ended up with a bruise on his left cheek. The grunt he let out made Renjun smirk.

“What the fuck?!”

“Funnily enough, those were the last words of my previous target,” Renjun said in Donghyuck’s ear, voice low. He didn’t see the headbutt coming and cursed, holding the spot just above his left eye, simultaneously pulling out a gun from his holster and pointed it at the younger boy.

Donghyuck also held a weapon in front of him. “Quite the CEO of Dramatic Entrances, aren’t you?”

Renjun eyed the kitchen knife in Donghyuck’s grip warily. He slid the gun back to its place and crossed his arms. “I thought you said you were making dinner.”

“You ungrateful bitch. I got takeout for both of us and my thanks is being held at gunpoint?” Donghyuck chucked the knife in Renjun’s direction. It landed on the wall, narrowly missing his ear.

“You’re gonna be my next takeout if you don’t stop giving me false hope. If you know what I mean,” Renjun winked and made an action of shooting himself in the head with his fingers. He took the opportunity of Donghyuck’s incredulous state to throw the empty bottle of banana milk to his forehead. He then made his way to his room to take a shower.

“I’ll fucking kill you in your sleep, Huang Renjun.”

“I heard that, Lee Donghyuck! Not a chance, by the way. Not when Moomin is with me.”

—

_Na Jaemin. Na Jaemin. Na Jaemin._

Renjun repeated the name over and over again in his head as he searched for a certain boy with pink hair in the sea of bodies. Two days ago, “two days from now” meant infiltrating a shitshow of a gala hosted by a company that was business partners with the company of Na Jaemin’s father.

At least, that was Renjun’s opinion of the event as he could feel the sweat rolling down his back in the ugly pastel blue suit that Donghyuck had chosen for him.

“Are you in?”

Renjun tapped the device in his ear. “Yes, but I can’t locate the target.”

He could hear Donghyuck typing away on the other end.

“Would you like a drink, sir?”

Renjun was surprised at the sudden question. He turned around and saw a waitress balancing a tray of drinks on her hand, smiling pleasantly. He figured just one glass wouldn’t hurt. Plus, he needed to look anything but _out of place_.

He returned the smile and reached for a champagne flute. “Thank you.”

“In the next room. Walk a few steps east and take the middle door,” Donghyuck said just as the waitress walked away.

“Geez, just how big is this party?”

“Big enough that we can’t risk you bringing a gun,” Donghyuck replied, albeit the question being a rhetorical one.

Renjun patted the front pocket of his matching pastel blue trousers to feel the switchblade he brought specially to take out Na Jaemin. Speaking of which…

“Target located,” Renjun muttered to himself.

There Na Jaemin was, talking to three men dressed to the nines just like him. Only that they were all black and white, while Na Jaemin was in a pastel pink suit almost the same shade as his hair.

_Oh, look at that. We’re matching. How cute_ , Renjun thought to himself sarcastically.

He just knew Na Jaemin was only pretending to be interested in whatever shit the men had to spew.

Of course everyone would die to talk to the heir of Na Company. Na Jaemin was to take his father’s place once he retired. And of course everyone knew Na Company. Who didn’t? They were filthy rich. Probably rich enough to pay Renjun’s rent for four decades or something. Without Donghyuck, make that two.

However, Renjun only got to know about the Na Company two days ago. Not his fault that he didn’t keep up with current affairs; he was too busy eliminating whoever Johnny assigned him to. The company was filthy rich, yes. That was written on the file Renjun was handed. He wanted to cry when he saw how much they made when he searched them up online. It was legitimately enough to buy himself a mansion and fill it up with only Moomin plushies.

“How am I supposed to kill him when he’s trying to help the economy expand?”

“Fuck capitalism, Agent Huang, just fucking kill him.”

Renjun pretended to take a sip of his drink. “For an intelligence agent, you’re pretty dumb, Donghyuck.”

“Says the one who can’t get the target alone and get the job done,” Donghyuck retorted.

This time, Renjun downed his drink in one shot.

“Come on, agent. We don’t have all night.”

Renjun grabbed another glass from a passing waiter. “I’m saying that he’s talking to important businessmen and I’m a contract killer. How do I get to him?”

Donghyuck sighed. “I know I’m your handler but that doesn’t mean I have to tell you what to do every fucking time, agent. Just fucking flirt with him or whatever. Did you miss Seduction 101 in your trainee days?”

“Jungwoo is a literal crackhead. I am not taking his classes. He should just stick to making medicine, in my humble opinion. Who the heck made him teacher?”

Renjun’s mind wandered to Jungwoo. The man was probably in the lab back at the agency making drugs. Most probably for his own consumption, too. Maybe one day Renjun should try it to find out what was so good about crack. Would it make him a great flirt, just like Jungwoo?

He balled his free hand into a fist, remembering the task at hand. Being a field agent had its pros and cons. The pros being: feeling the exhilarating adrenaline rush of killing people, watching their terrified faces during their last seconds. If Renjun was considerate enough, he would let them say their last words. Though it was always them asking the reason he was going to kill them or even offering him a huge amount of money. It was nowhere near the net worth of Na Company, though.

And the cons were… this. Having to get the target alone before you get to take them out. Renjun had never been the best at flirting. But his best trait, however, was deception. He smirked.

Renjun downed his drink before approaching the four men, eyes set on Na Jaemin only. “Lovely evening, men.” He turned towards his target. “And Mr Na Jaemin.”

Na Jaemin cocked an eyebrow at him. The action made Renjun panic internally.

_Fuck, that’s so unfair. How is one so fucking good looking? Does Jungwoo’s class teach you the ways to not be a panicked gay?_

Renjun turned towards the other men. “May I talk to him alone?” he said with the most polite smile he could muster.

The three men nodded and went away. Getting his target alone with him actually proved to be an easy task. Now, he just had to get the heir of this super rich company that smelled of crisp dollar notes to a secluded area so he could get the job done, act like nothing happened and head home to his Moomin plushie.

“To what do I owe the pleasure, Mr…” Na Jaemin’s voice trailed off expectantly.

“Huang Renjun,” he introduced himself, extending a hand for a handshake. Renjun hoped his businessman act was convincing enough.

He knew he was going against the number one rule of Assassination 101 – revealing your real name. But Renjun couldn’t care less. What was the problem when your target was going to die anyway? It wasn’t like they could tell your name to everyone with their lifeless eyes staring back at you.

“Nice to meet you, Mr Huang.” Na Jaemin accepted his hand.

“Please, just call me Renjun. We seem to be the same age, no?”

“Yeah, I’m turning 22 this August. You?”

“I just turned 22 last month! What a coincidence.” Renjun tried to go for a grin but it just felt like he was clenching his teeth.

The boy pursed his lips, nodding. “Ah, then please call me Jaemin.”

Jaemin’s hair was styled nicely, pushed back and looked like it was worth half a bottle of hair gel. Renjun couldn’t help but stare at his forehead, and his eyebrows that were just as handsome, the slope of his nose, then his perfect set of teeth as he smiled brightly at Renjun.

He blinked, snapping out of his trance. Renjun belatedly realised that they were still holding each other’s hands and he broke into a sweat. At this point, his white button up was probably soaked.

“Jaemin...” he tested how the word felt on the tip of his tongue. It was pleasant. “How about we take this conversation somewhere more private?”

“Good idea,” Jaemin said, voice dropping several octaves which did something to Renjun’s stomach. “I would also like to be the only one to see such a pretty face like yours.”

_Holy fuck._

Renjun wanted to feel the outline of his switchblade in his pocket to ground himself but Jaemin grabbed his hand once again. He looked up and was met face to face with the boy’s smug grin.

Jaemin took the empty flute in his other hand and put it on the tray of a wandering waiter without breaking eye contact with Renjun. “Shall we get going then?”

“Yes, of course,” he said, voice coming out rather weakly. “Lead the way.”

While being led out of the ballroom, Renjun pretended to cough into his collar. He grabbed the small mic clipped onto it. “What a fucking Leo.”

Donghyuck’s response didn’t come, only because he hadn’t realised that he didn’t tap the push-to-talk button on his earpiece.

—

“Hey, Hyu–”

“Shh!” Donghyuck shut him up harshly. He made a 180 degree turn in his chair to look at Mark. “I’m on a mission, can’t you see?!” he hissed.

“Sorry,” Mark whispered and closed the door behind him quietly. “I just came to ask if you and, um, Agent Huang are joining Agent Zhong and I for dinner.” He then squinted at one of the many computer screens in front of Donghyuck. “Or not… is that Agent Huang?”

“Yes, and he’s been in the same spot with the target for minutes now. I haven’t heard from him in minutes.” Donghyuck ran a hand through his light brown hair out of frustration. “What the fuck is he doing? Moping over the death of the target?”

—

Jaemin looked very alive tonight.

Or maybe that was just Renjun’s intoxicated mind. He was two glasses in for fuck’s sake and the most he had done was get the target alone with him. Renjun couldn’t even feel the outline of the knife he brought with him in his trousers to calm his nerves, all because the person who he was supposed to kill was holding onto his hand as if his life depended on it.

It kind of did, though.

“So…” Jaemin started talking after a minute of just staring into Renjun’s eyes.

Thank the heavens that this young capitalist-to-be brought them outside of the gala. The corridor was dark, a stark contrast to the inside which was lit up by fancy, bright chandeliers that probably cost more than both of Renjun’s kidneys. Jaemin wouldn’t be able to see the blush that was starting to creep up his cheeks as the only source of light in the dark place was from the moon.

But most importantly, there weren’t any security cameras here.

Renjun leaned back comfortably on the wall, looking up at Jaemin’s silhouette. Had the boy always been this pretty or was the alcohol taking away his inhibitions?

“So…” he echoed.

“Are you from the other company?”

“Oh, I guess you could say that,” Renjun responded smoothly without missing a beat. “I’m actually someone’s plus one tonight but they got too busy and I got bored so… I came up to you,” he said with a smile, in hopes it would charm Jaemin.

Lies were so easy to be told. What wasn’t easy, though, was getting his hand out of Jaemin’s hold so he could get the damn switchblade out so he could finish his job once and for all. Jaemin’s hand felt very warm and Renjun was almost regretful that he was going to make it turn cold in a few minutes.

“And why’s that?” Jaemin asked, almost as if he was challenging Renjun.

He laughed and did a silent prayer towards Jungwoo who was making crack back at the agency before saying, “Maybe because you caught my eye.”

Perhaps it was his eyes playing tricks on him in the dark, but Jaemin actually seemed flustered for a millisecond, eyes going wide. But the look of shock went away as fast as it came and Jaemin was back to looking like a frat boy whom you’d see around campus instead of the heir of one of the biggest companies in the country.

He whistled. “You’re really _something_ , aren’t you, Renjun?” Jaemin let go of his hand so he could brush away the locks of jet black hair covering Renjun’s right eye, face only inches away.

‘ _This is it!_ ’ Renjun thought. He sneaked his right hand into the pocket of his pants and grabbed the weapon, all the while putting a smirk on his face that he learnt from Donghyuck so as to not make Jaemin suspicious. ‘ _I could kiss him, and he wouldn’t see it coming, and then I’ll drive my knife into_ –’

Blank.

His mind went blank when he felt a pair of lips on his. This was Renjun’s plan so _why_ did he feel like his soul left his body when he registered that Jaemin’s lips were on _his_? Maybe because _he_ was supposed to kiss Jaemin and not the other way around?

_What the fuck is happening._

Renjun’s grip on his switchblade went slack and he retracted his hand from his pocket to push Jaemin away. Except his hand didn’t cooperate with his brain and he ended up grabbing the collar of Jaemin’s pastel pink blazer instead and pulled him closer, deepening the kiss.

At this point, his mind was a constant ‘ _what the fuck, what the fuck, what the fuck_ –’ and he could hear alarms blaring in his head. If he had known that Jaemin was going to kiss him, he would’ve popped a poisoned candy into his mouth beforehand so that he could slide it into Jaemin’s, because now Jaemin’s tongue was in his mouth, _in his mouth_ , and Renjun was letting out embarrassing whimpers as his knees went weak.

On second thought, the poisoned candy idea probably didn’t make sense at all and that was just Renjun denying the fact that he, in fact, really _liked_ the kiss. He pulled away, gasping for air and decided that _this was it_ , and went to grab his switchblade, only for Jaemin to beat him to it. The latter took both of his hands and pinned them above his head, slotting their lips together once again.

How could Jaemin have him powerless like this, even with his knife so close?

There were red flags everywhere and Renjun was going to lose his mind if this kept going on. He was also terrified of the fact that he was kissing Jaemin back with equal fervour, even if the boy’s lips were chapped. Renjun’s clothes – Donghyuck’s, actually – felt too hot on him in the chilly spring night, and his body was heating up with the way Jaemin was practically fucking his throat with his tongue and swallowing all the sounds that he made.

Renjun was so going to cut off Jaemin’s tongue and feed it to their neighbour’s dog.

He parted away harshly with a smack, a string of saliva connecting their lips. Even in the dark, he could see that Jaemin’s lips were starting to swell and he was sure his own lips were no different. Renjun tried freeing his hands of Jaemin’s grip but it was to no avail, voice coming out breathless as he said, “Jaemin, we–”

“Would you like to ditch this party and come up to my room?”

—

“Hyuck, that’s your sixth can of Red Bull tonight.”

Donghyuck tore his gaze away from the many computer screens in front of him to glare at Mark, a can still in hand. “And?” He then pointed towards a blue dot on a screen. “Look, he’s still in the building. The last I’ve seen of him was the target bringing him into his room at will from the hotel security cameras. At first, I thought, ‘oh good job, an easy kill!’ but they’re still in the room up to this moment and it’s almost 1 in the morning and I’m starting to get sleepy and–”

“Relax…” Mark cut him off. “Deep breaths, Donghyuck. The energy drinks are starting to kick in and it shows.”

“Just what I need! I can’t go to sleep until this is over,” he said and threw his head back, hitting it on his chair. “You don’t have to keep me company. You could’ve gone to dinner with Chenle, even. Just go home.”

“But I _want_ to keep you company,” Mark argued. “I’m helping you stay awake, aren’t I?”

“Yes, but it’s just… Renjun has never taken this long on any mission he’s been on, what the fuck? I have to make sure our agent returns home safely.” Donghyuck rubbed his face with both of his hands stressfully and screamed.

“You know… usually they don’t give a shit if an agent is down.”

—

On the way to Jaemin’s room, all Renjun could think of was plunging his knife into the boy’s stomach. This was clearly the perfect opportunity to do so – in Jaemin’s room, all alone with no one to witness it. Renjun smiled to himself. How could he be so lucky?

He spoke too soon, though, because right when the door to Jaemin’s suite that he rented for the night slammed shut, he found his back against it and Jaemin was nipping at his neck, leaving some bruising bites here and there and every thought of ending his life went out the window as Renjun could feel himself growing hard, thanks to Jaemin grinding down on him and feeling him up and–

Renjun’s eyes flew open when he felt Jaemin unbuckling his belt, pushing the latter’s hands away. “Jaemin, wait!”

Jaemin immediately stopped his actions and looked at Renjun, eyes filled with concern. “Is everything okay? Do you want to stop?”

Renjun flushed. “N-No! Everything’s fine.”

How was he supposed to tell Jaemin that he came here to assassinate him and not hook up with him?

Renjun took a deep breath and tried to look casual, like he wasn’t bothered by something. Something like having to kill Jaemin. “I can– I can undress myself. Uh, why don’t you… go wait in the bedroom?”

Jaemin didn’t think much about it. “Okay.”

He finally took the weapon that he brought along out of his pocket once Jaemin disappeared into a room. For some reason, the switchblade suddenly felt as heavy as lead in his hand and Renjun couldn’t bring himself to do it. His stomach churned at the thought of jumping Jaemin, driving the knife into his abdomen and then heading back home as if nothing happened.

Curse his tipsy mind, and curse his semi-hard dick. Or so he tried to convince himself that the reason he wasn’t thinking straight was because he totally did not catch feelings for someone he just met that night. Someone with pink hair, captivating eyes and a sweet mouth that would probably charm their way into your heart – or pants for that matter.

Renjun never thought the time where he regretted not asking Jungwoo for a syringe filled with tranquilliser for an assignment would come. But now he really wished he could just stick a needle into Jaemin’s neck, let him fall asleep, and only then… maybe it wouldn’t be as hard for Renjun.

But deep down, he knew he still wouldn’t be able to take Jaemin out, even if the boy was unconscious.

“Fuck, I think I’m going crazy,” he muttered to himself. Renjun knew he was going to regret his decision when he spotted a dustbin in the bathroom. He silently placed the weapon inside and covered the bin with the lid. He was only going to hide it in there for the moment.

‘ _What the fuck are you doing?!_ ’ was what Donghyuck would probably yell at him.

Renjun made sure that Jaemin was out of earshot before grabbing the small mic clipped onto his collar. “Agent Huang signing off. I’ll see you tomorrow, Donghyuck.”

He threw the device on the floor and crushed it along with his earpiece.

—

Renjun woke up with a start and shot up on the bed. The abrupt movement caused the covers to slip off his body, revealing his bare torso littered with purple spots. He shivered as the cool air from the AC hit his body.

“Slept well, prince?”

The voice made his heart drop. He slowly turned to his right.

Jaemin was still laying on his back, his head supported by an arm and his pink hair was sticking up in every direction. The state he was in served as a reminder to what went down last night and Renjun wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole.

This was definitely _not_ part of the plan.

Nevertheless, he couldn’t help but let his gaze linger on Jaemin’s form. It had to be illegal to look this hot, right? But Jaemin’s father probably had the money to bail him out.

Renjun cleared his throat. “Yes. Very well.” He closed his eyes, burying his face in his hands and took a deep breath.

_The target is alive and well and Renjun hadn’t taken him out yet and he was probably gonna get killed by Johnny because he failed to complete a mission_ –

His eyes flew open.

_Wait, his switchblade was still in the bathroom. Maybe if Renjun was fast enough, he could make a dash and retrieve the weapon, and then drive it into Jaemin’s_ –

“Renjun?”

His rapid train of thought was cut off when his name was called. Turning towards Jaemin again, Renjun forced a smile. “Yes, Jaemin?”

Jaemin sat up and cradled his face, taking a closer look at him and Renjun leaned into the touch despite his mind protesting. “Are you okay?”

“Peachy,” he squeaked.

The younger boy removed his hand (much to Renjun’s dismay – he was already missing the warmth of Jaemin’s hand) and his eyes traveled down to Renjun’s neck. He laughed. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to leave too many marks.”

Renjun’s hand flew to his neck, cheeks heating up in embarrassment. “That’s fine,” he lied. He suddenly remembered his knife again in the bathroom. “I have to go.”

“Wait, Renjun!” Jaemin grabbed his arm.

It took every cell in Renjun’s body to not roll his eyes. Jaemin somehow always managed to cheat death. For instance, right now he has Renjun back on the bed just as he was about to grab his switchblade that he had so expertly hidden in the dustbin to kill Jaemin and yet–

“Can we exchange numbers?” Jaemin panicked when Renjun’s face dropped, so he quickly added, “I mean… only if you want to, of course. I understand if you want this–” he pointed to the space between them, “–to only be a one time thing, but I–”

“Yes,” Renjun quickly cut him off.

“Sorry?”

Against his better judgment, Renjun said, “Yes, we can exchange numbers.”

“Oh,” Jaemin broke into a smile that made Renjun’s heart skip a beat. “That’s great. I was saying that I just think you’re cute.”

Renjun wondered if it was possible to turn redder than he already was. He looked at his hand that Jaemin still had a grip on.

Jaemin followed his gaze and immediately let go. “Shit, sorry–”

“I think you’re charming, too, Jaemin.”

—

The architectural firm slowly came into view as Renjun made a turn at the corner, trudging with heavy steps. He had never felt this hesitant to enter the building before. Of course, the whole architectural bullshit was just a cover so that no one could guess what they actually were. Johnny was probably inside waiting for him so he could have Renjun’s head for not completing a mission.

He sighed and emptied the bottle of banana milk before chucking it into a nearby trash can.

Upon entering the building, he made his way to the elevator and pressed on the 13th floor but not before carrying out a retinal scan at the entrance. He rubbed his temples when the doors slid close. Renjun wasn’t gonna lie; his ass did feel a little sore and he already had a headache. He really didn’t know how he was going to face Johnny.

He was too lost in his thoughts to notice that the elevator had stopped on the 3rd floor.

“Oh hi, Injun.”

Renjun’s self-deprecating thoughts came to a stop as he regarded the person. “Taeil hyung, hi.” He stepped aside so Taeil could enter. Now that someone was in close proximity with him, he felt too conscious of the bruises on his neck. Renjun lifted the collar of his white button up, eyeing the small potted plant in Taeil’s hand. “That’s cute, hyung. Is that for Hyuck?”

“This lavender? You’re so wrong if you think my brother likes plants,” Taeil laughed.

“Oh? I figured. I don’t think any plant would survive if Hyuck were to raise them,” Renjun snickered.

“True,” Taeil agreed, throwing his brother under the bus. “This is for Johnny, by the way. I thought it’d make his table look less stressful, you know, since it’s literally just stacks of files.”

“I see.” Renjun felt sick when he heard the name, nervousness taking over his body. He quickly composed himself before Taeil could notice that something was wrong. “You’re a caring boyfriend.”

If Renjun noticed the blush creeping up Taeil’s neck, he said nothing. “I try.”

Soon, there was a ding and the elevator doors slid open again. “Well, this is me. See you around, Taeil hyung.”

Renjun booked it towards the designated room where off-field agents carried out their missions. Apart from Johnny, he also had a lot of explaining to do to Donghyuck, and to be frank, Renjun didn’t know whose wrath was worse. He had never seen Johnny lash out and he was sure he never wanted to. Donghyuck, on the other hand…

He threw the door open. “Hyuck!” Renjun halted in his steps when he realised that Donghyuck wasn’t the only person in the room. “And Mark hyung,” he added as an afterthought.

Donghyuck and Mark were slumped on the table in front of the many computer screens that were still lit up. Renjun even caught sight of several CCTV footage of security cameras at the hotel last night on some of the computers. The place was now empty, unlike the night before as the gala was finally over.

Slowly, both boys stirred awake.

“Oh, there you are, _Agent Huang_ ,” Mark said teasingly.

“It’s great to see you, too, Agent Mark Lee,” he said in return. Renjun gulped when he turned to Donghyuck, whose eyes were turning dark.

Mark sensed the growing tension and quickly stood up. “Guess it’s time I leave. I’ve been here all night accompanying Hyuck after all,” he laughed nervously. Mark slammed the door shut as he left, leaving Renjun alone with Donghyuck.

Donghyuck still hadn’t moved an inch, his head hanging low. If he looked closer, Renjun would probably see how the younger boy’s hands were trembling from anger.

“Okay, Donghyuck, I’m gonna need you to listen carefully to my explanation–”

“Report, Agent Huang?”

He was taken aback at the use of the name Donghyuck would call him only in a professional setting. “What?”

“I said,” Donghyuck looked up and had his teeth clenched, “Report, agent? What’s the status of your target?”

Renjun fiddled with the buttons of Donghyuck’s pastel blue blazer that he was still wearing from last night and licked his lips, unsure of how to deliver the news. “Target– uh… target unsuccessfully terminated?”

Donghyuck’s lips parted in shock, probably ready to tell him off. “Renjun–”

He panicked. “I can explain!”

Donghyuck turned to switch off all the computers before leaning back on his chair and facing Renjun once again. “Alright, I’m giving you the time to explain why you failed to complete this one mission. After all, I’m not Johnny hyung. It’s not like I have the power to kill you for this blunder.” He oddly sounded like he wanted to kill Renjun, though. “Why? Because I am only your handler and not the boss.”

A sigh made its way out of Renjun’s mouth. “Hyuck, I know you’re mad at me for keeping you up and making you worried but–”

“Do you know how serious it could get if you fail to eliminate a target?!” Donghyuck slammed the handle of his chair.

“No, _listen_ –”

“Okay, I’m listening.” The boy motioned for him to start speaking up.

Renjun took in several deep breaths before he continued talking. “I was about to kill him, okay Hyuck? I had my hand on my switchblade but he suddenly _kissed_ me.”

Donghyuck only fixed him with an unamused stare, waiting for him to elaborate. “And?”

Renjun made wild gestures with his hands, hoping Donghyuck would understand what he was trying to say, but he didn’t. He just kept staring so Renjun groaned, annoyed at having to explain himself. “Well, obviously I was surprised.”

The younger boy hummed, crossing his arms over his chest. “I’m waiting for the part where you explain to me the reason you failed to kill him in his room.”

“Hyuck, remember when you said ‘fuck capitalism’?” Renjun stuffed his hands into his pockets and rocked back and forth on his feet.

“What about it?” Donghyuck’s brows drew together.

He looked at his best friend pointedly. Renjun only stayed silent, watching Donghyuck’s eyes slowly widen as his brain connected the dots. Honestly, he would’ve laughed at the look on his face only if Donghyuck wasn’t a second away from exploding and killing him right then and there.

“Wait, wait, wait.” Donghyuck stood up straight in his seat, looking alarmed. “I’m getting the wrong idea, right? Tell me it’s not what I think it is.”

Renjun shrugged. “Depends on what you think it is.”

“What I’m getting from this, Renjun, is that you literally fucked capitalism.”

Renjun snapped his fingers, grinning. “Yeah, I did just that.”

Before he could react, he found himself in a chokehold.

“What the fuck did you just _do_?!” Donghyuck yelled.

“I’m not done explaining! Let me go, you bitch!” Renjun struggled to free himself, kicking and pushing, but the hold Donghyuck had on him was too strong.

Donghyuck only held him tighter. “HE FUCKED YOU IN MY SUIT!”

“Your suit is clean, I swear!” cried Renjun, starting to feel lightheaded.

It seemed that Donghyuck was determined to have him dead as he added more force to the chokehold he had Renjun in. “You were sent there to assassinate him, not put the ‘ass’ in ‘assassination’, you dumbfuck!”

“Donghyuck, I can’t fucking _breathe_ –” Renjun fell to the floor as soon as he was released and coughed, gasping for air.

“Renjun, I’m not sure if I can cover your ass this time.”

It was true. Johnny had a soft spot for Donghyuck since he was the little brother of Johnny’s boyfriend. That, and Donghyuck was just straight up a brat and always got what he wanted. He would help anyone who got into trouble with Johnny, or whenever something went wrong between them and the man, convincing Johnny to just let it slide. He hadn’t tried saving someone’s ass when they failed a mission, though, and Renjun wasn’t sure if it was because the agents under the agency were just skilled enough or Johnny had them killed straight away.

He shuddered at the thought. “You don’t have to do that for me, Hyuck. I was planning on talking to him myself.”

—

“Come in.”

Renjun closed the door behind him and made his way towards the table, looking at Johnny nervously.

The man appeared to be unbothered at his weird behaviour, gesturing at the seats in front of him. “Good morning, Agent Huang. Please take a seat.”

He sat on the edge of one of the chairs across Johnny. “Sorry for disturbing you this morning, sir. I just… I need to talk to you.”

“It’s fine, agent,” Johnny said with a smile, waving a hand dismissively. Renjun couldn’t help but notice that it didn’t reach his eyes. Maybe it was just Johnny’s nature, being so uptight all the time. He was the head of an assassination organisation after all. “You’re all dressed up today, agent. And the collar,” he motioned towards his own neck, “Is that the fashion these days?”

Renjun contemplated for a moment before answering. “Yes. I think it’s very fashionable.”

At this, Johnny undid his collar as well. “How do I look?”

“Perfect, sir,” Renjun lied.

Johnny cleared his table and put the files he was previously examining onto the existing stack to hold a small potted plant in his hand and caress it. Renjun recognised it as the lavender Taeil was holding earlier. “Go ahead, Agent Huang. I’m listening.”

_I’m listening_. Ironically, that was what Donghyuck told him before having him in a chokehold. Surely Johnny wouldn’t do that… right?

“Actually, I just got back from the gala,” he started, preparing himself for the worst. “The one with Na Company.”

Johnny pushed the tip of the lavender backwards slightly with his thumb, letting it return to its original state when he let go. “Oh, right. And you came here to report to me?”

“ _Ididn’tmanagetoeliminatethetargetbutIswearIcanexplain_ ,” Renjun said in one breath.

Johnny stopped playing with the plant and put it aside, and Renjun held his breath with every passing second that he didn’t utter a single word, staring at a spot on his wooden table as if he was plotting Renjun’s death. Was this the last time he’d see his Moomin plushie?

“Na Jaemin is alive and well?” Johnny finally spoke again, looking up to meet Renjun’s eyes and he felt his blood run cold.

Johnny sounded calm as always. It was disconcerting because Renjun knew of the saying ‘the calm before the storm’.

“I could change that, sir,” he quickly said. “I just ask that you give me an extension for this assignment, please. I have a great plan, actually,” he continued desperately at the look on Johnny’s face. “Sir, please–”

Johnny held up a hand to stop him.

Renjun’s heart sank and he felt like the room was closing in on him. “Sir–”

“Calm down, agent. Talk slowly. We’re in no rush, are we? Na Jaemin isn’t going anywhere,” he reassured with a smile. It only made Renjun more anxious.

He took in several deep breaths in an attempt to breathe properly before trying to speak in a more relaxed manner. “Right, sorry. I couldn’t get the job done last night because… because I got distracted and _some things_ happened. I know that was very wrong on my part as an agent, but... Na Jaemin and I exchanged numbers because apparently he had taken a liking to me.” Renjun continued, “I think he would ask to go out with me soon, and I’ll properly seduce him this time. By doing so, I would slowly gain his trust and he wouldn’t even see it coming when I take him out.” He panted after his lengthy explanation, the same one he gave Donghyuck. “A little more time is all I ask for, sir.”

Johnny was silent for a moment, probably thinking it over in his head. Renjun felt like he was going to be sick for real. Throwing up in your boss’ office wasn’t ideal, even if said boss rejected your proposal. He wondered briefly if he had to stoop so low and ask for Donghyuck’s help.

“Alright, Agent Huang,” Johnny finally said. “I’ll give you an extension.”

“Wait, for real?” Renjun couldn’t believe his ears. “So, that means you won’t– no, forget it.” He released the breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding. Johnny wasn’t going to kill him. For now, at least. “Thank you so much, sir.”

“Please, drop the formalities, Agent Huang. ‘Johnny hyung’ is fine.”

“Sorry, the Korean language is quite hard for me,” he said, even if it didn’t make sense.

Johnny blinked as though he was trying to process the information. “I see. I also see how you’re going around your idea. Would you like to accept a piece of advice from me?”

Renjun tilted his head in confusion. “Of course. Why wouldn’t I?”

“Good.” Johnny nodded, clapping his hands once. “I must say, you do have a great plan, agent.”

Renjun presses his lips into a thin line, waiting for Johnny to continue speaking. When he didn’t, Renjun asked in a small voice, “But?”

Johnny grinned. It was quite a rare sight. “Wouldn’t it be great if Na Jaemin got hurt?”

Shifting a bit in his seat, Renjun let out a nervous laughter. “What do you mean by that, sir?” His smile dropped when Johnny didn’t elaborate. “Is that the client’s request?” he tried again. Not that he expected an answer from Johnny, anyway. “Sure, I guess. But... hurt how?”

“I’ll give you one month, Agent Huang,” the boss said instead. “Any questions?”

Renjun scratched his nape. Why would Johnny ignore his previous inquiries and then ask if he had any questions?

He then stood up. “None, sir. I’ll get going then.” Renjun headed for the door.

“Oh, one more thing, Agent Huang.”

He turned around and looked at Johnny. “Yes, sir?”

“Be careful.”

—

“Hyuck.”

The boy in question paused the cleaning up that he was doing in the room to look at him. “I see that you’re still alive, Injun.”

“What, you actually thought the boss was gonna kill me?” he asked incredulously and slammed the door shut behind him.

“To be honest, I really hoped Johnny hyung wouldn’t do that. Because you’re only allowed to die in my hands,” Donghyuck said casually while throwing the last of the Red Bull cans into the trash.

Renjun clicked his tongue in annoyance. “Fuck your death threats. Can you get into the Na Company’s security system?” he changed the subject to something that was more important. “Surely they have a lot of cameras around the building, right?”

“I mean, probably. I’m not Dong Sicheng’s apprentice for nothing. What do you wanna see?” he sat back down in the black spinny chair and turned on the computers again, getting ready to hack into the system upon Renjun’s request. Then, he examined the copy of Jaemin’s profile given to him to get the exact coordinates of the Na Company.

Renjun walked over to him and plopped down into the other chair, making himself comfortable. “The layout of the building and… Jaemin in his room. He should be at work at this time, right?”

Donghyuck snorted while his fingers worked on the keyboard. “You’re stalking him now?”

“I’d call it doing my research, actually.” The older boy scrunched his nose at the accusation.

But Donghyuck wasn’t done running his mouth just yet. “Yeah, because sleeping with the enemy and getting to know more about them is essential in completing your job as a contract killer.”

“Lee Donghyuck,” warned Renjun.

“What?” the younger boy turned to face him. “Am I wrong, though?”

Renjun flipped him off. “One of these days, I’ll really make you shut up for good.”

“I look forward to it,” Donghyuck said unenthusiastically and turned back towards the computer screen. “I think the revolver in your gun collection is very sexy.”

Renjun was reminded of something and jumped excitedly in his chair, punching Donghyuck who was busy working on the computer to get his best friend’s attention. “Speaking of collections… I need a new earpiece and mic. I destroyed them last night before–”

“–jumping on the capitalist dick, I know.” Donghyuck rudely interrupted him and completed his sentence without being asked to.

Feeling scandalised, he gasped. “I did _not_ jump on–!”

“There he is,” Donghyuck cut him off with a final click on the mouse. He zoomed into one of the screens and pointed it to Renjun. “Loverboy sitting on his desk.” Donghyuck squinted to get a closer look at Jaemin on the computer screen. “And slacking off at that.”

The live black and white footage showed Jaemin leaning back comfortably in his chair and typing away on his phone. The cup of black coffee (Renjun guessed) and papers on his desk were neglected. The desktop seemed to be switched on as well but was paid no mind by Jaemin. That aside, Renjun couldn’t understand why he felt like he ingested butterflies, with the way his stomach was doing things and his heart picking up its pace the more he stared at Jaemin on the screen.

Donghyuck huffed. “Must be nice to have everything handed to you,” he muttered, most probably to himself. “He doesn’t even have to do much and he gets to take over the company after his father steps down.”

Renjun scoffed. “You talk as if he would still be alive when that time comes.”

The younger boy leaned back on the chair to smile at him, a hint of mischief in his eyes. “That’s right. His fate is in your hands, isn’t it, Injun?”

He couldn’t understand why his stomach churned at that. Renjun shook his head to get a hold of himself. “Anyway… I see that there are windows in his room. Are there buildings opposite the place? You know… so that maybe I could put my sniper rifle to good use again to take him out or something.”

Donghyuck started typing again to find out and Renjun took that opportunity to observe Jaemin again. This time, the pink haired boy was smiling at his phone like anyone would when they were texting their crush. Before Renjun could ponder on that, his phone vibrated in his back pocket. He ignored the way his heart leapt when he saw the text.

**from. nana**  
_hey, i hope it’s not too soon for us to go out and get coffee?_

Jaemin had saved his number on Renjun’s phone with that nickname himself, and Renjun wasn’t going to complain.

“–jun? Injun?”

“Huh?” he blinked and turned off his phone, focusing his attention on Donghyuck.

Donghyuck looked a little concerned, eyebrows knitting together but didn’t say anything else. He turned back towards one of the computer screens and started explaining. “There are buildings across the place but they are all occupied so it would be hard to infiltrate and take your target out from there.”

Renjun’s mind was somewhere else, however, imagining a certain pink haired boy and being in his arms. “Well, I think the target is taking me out first.”

—

“Hyuck, I really don’t think this is necessary.”

That earned him a razor blade to his neck from his roommate. He hated how he was caught off guard and looked very scared in the mirror. Before Donghyuck could make fun of him, he schooled his expression into one of nonchalance.

“Shut up and stop moving, Renjun.”

They were in the bathroom back at their apartment and Donghyuck took it upon himself to dye Renjun’s hair an elegant shade of silver. He had Renjun sit on a chair he grabbed from the kitchen as he bleached the older boy’s hair first. Right now, though, he threatened Renjun with a razor to his neck and glared at him through the mirror as he wouldn’t stop complaining.

Renjun rolled his eyes. “Okay, fine! Geez, get that away from me, Hyuck. You’re gonna kill me before I get to kill Jaemin.”

Donghyuck set the razor down. “It’s important to look good before going on a date,” he said and continued combing through Renjun’s black locks with gloved hands.

Renjun wanted to laugh because Donghyuck had just said something ridiculous. “I’m going to take him out on that date, and not like in a _date_ way. Actually, he didn’t even say it was a date.”

“All the more reason you should look presentable.” His roommate placed the bowl near the sink, admiring his artwork, patting down some strands of Renjun’s hair that were upright. “Don’t you want to look fashionable while killing someone?”

“Honestly, Hyuck, that’s the least of my con– ow!” Renjun exclaimed as water droplets got into his left eye.

Donghyuck only rubbed his eye for him, effectively bleaching his face as well.

“Donghyuck, what the fuck!” he turned on the sink and washed his face.

The younger boy only shrugged. “Maybe if you didn’t move so much, this wouldn’t have happened. Now stay still, just a bit more.”

They fell into a comfortable silence after he was done, waiting for the bleach to set in, before a thought formed in Renjun’s head. “Why is Jaemin on the hit list?”

Donghyuck, who seemed to be spacing out, focused his gaze on him through the mirror. “What?”

“Why does someone want Jaemin dead?” Renjun rephrased his question. “He seems like a good guy to me.”

“Eat the rich,” was Donghyuck’s only reply.

—

Renjun had never been one to eagerly wait for the weekend. Every other day was just the same for him – mundane. It made no difference to him whether it was Monday, the day everyone dreaded, or Friday night, the day everyone his age would go out and get wasted. It was the same routine almost everyday; get called into Johnny’s office and handed an assignment, put a bullet in someone’s head or any other killing techniques that he felt necessary, and then go back home to his Moomin plushie (and an annoying roommate).

But here he was, giddy on a Saturday afternoon, outside a café waiting for Jaemin. He had his hands in the pockets of his grey coat that Donghyuck had so helpfully chosen for him, back leaning against the wall near the entrance. Renjun’s silver hair fluttered in the chilly spring wind and he closed his eyes to feel the breeze. His black skinny jeans didn’t do much in protecting him from the cold but it wasn’t too unwelcoming.

“Hey.”

Renjun slowly opened his eyes and was greeted by the sight of Jaemin. It wasn’t until he had fully registered that he was seeing the Na Jaemin in the flesh that Renjun had a realisation – _he missed Jaemin_.

He hadn’t realised that he’d been feeling empty, a sense of longing in his heart during the past few days that he was away from the pink haired boy. Now, he felt full.

Renjun smiled. “Hi, Nana,” he returned the greeting, the nickname slipping past his tongue easily.

“Wow, I almost didn’t recognise you,” Jaemin chuckled. “Your new hair looks great.”

Renjun felt himself blushing and slapped himself mentally. “Thanks. My roommate helped me dye it.”

Jaemin hummed. “Did you wait for a long time?”

“Not really. I don’t mind waiting for you, Jaemin.”

Jaemin cocked an eyebrow at this, amused. Maybe Renjun didn’t need to attend Jungwoo’s Seduction 101 class after all.

“Oh yeah? I shouldn’t keep you waiting then. Let’s head inside,” he said and held out a hand for Renjun to take.

Renjun was more than happy to have Jaemin’s warm hand in his again.

—

Renjun had been told that the first date was where two individuals get to know more about each other. He discovered a lot of things about Jaemin from the trip to this café. For instance, Jaemin’s coffee order was a venti iced americano on the rocks with four extra espresso shots, which was, frankly, very appalling. He would probably die before Renjun had the chance to kill him. And Jaemin also excessively used the phrase “oh yeah” but his coffee order was the most memorable one.

It was kind of funny, too. Usually, people go on dates first before getting into each other’s pants. But in their case, it was the other way around. This date wasn’t supposed to happen either because Renjun was supposed to _assassinate_ Jaemin and not _fall into his temptation_. Well, it was no use crying over spilled milk, or however the saying went.

Jaemin pulled the chair for him before he sat down like the gentleman Renjun didn’t expect him to be. He gave Jaemin a small smile after placing his drink on the table and made his way to sit.

“No!” Renjun almost shouted when the younger boy grabbed his coat, intending to take it off. He slapped a hand to his mouth. “I’m sorry. It’s okay, thanks. You don’t have to do this.”

“You’re not gonna take that off?” The condensation from Jaemin’s cup was dripping down his hand the longer he stared at Renjun, quizzical.

How was Renjun supposed to tell him that he carried several knives with him in his coat, one of them bound to be plunged into Jaemin’s stomach?

“I, uh… I feel a bit cold,” was the excuse Renjun decided to go with. “I’d like to keep the coat on.”

“Huh.” If Jaemin was puzzled, he didn’t question further. The pink haired boy only took a sip of his demonic drink and went to sit across Renjun.

Renjun tapped a foot on the floor repeatedly out of habit when he was tense, mindful of keeping the noise down so as to not bother the other patrons in the place. He also sipped his drink nervously, all the while looking outside the window at the hustle and bustle of the city to avoid making eye contact with Jaemin.

Stupid Renjun. Couldn’t even hold a simple eye contact with another person. Maybe he really should’ve taken Jungwoo’s–

“Renjun?”

“I’m okay!” he grimaced at how his voice cracked at the end. Renjun cleared his throat. “I’m fine.”

Jaemin frowned. “You seem tense.”

A nervous chuckle rolled out of Renjun’s mouth. Yeah, well, who wouldn’t be tense when they were on a date with the person they were supposed to assassinate.

“Sorry, I just… have a lot of things on my mind. Work, that is.” It wasn’t exactly a lie.

Jaemin’s ears perked up at this and he inched closer towards the table, resting both of his elbows on it. “Oh yeah? Tell me about it. Maybe you could be less stressed out,” he offered a smile and Renjun thought Jaemin looked exactly like that lizard in Frozen. Bruni, was it?

_Cute_.

“Well… I’m doing this internship at this, um, architectural firm and, yeah, I think that’s about it.” Renjun swiped his index finger on the wetness surrounding his cup, wiping it on his sleeve. “I just have a lot going on at the moment but a little bit of stress won’t kill me, I hope.”

“Hmm…” Jaemin nodded. He seemed to be listening intently. “So you must be really good at drawing then.”

“I don’t know about that,” he laughed and felt his nerves start to ease the more he talked to Jaemin. “But I do like drawing in my free time at home. It’s therapeutic. What do you like to do, Nana?”

At the nickname, Jaemin’s smile grew wider and Renjun felt warm inside. He wondered what that feeling meant.

“Well, I’m kind of into photography.” The tissue in Jaemin’s hand tore from all the water it had absorbed as he wiped it on the table. He set it aside. “I’m interested actually but I haven’t really got a camera and all yet. I’d like to pick it up as a hobby some time.”

“That’s cool.” Renjun was invested in the conversation now, finally believing that this date with Jaemin wasn’t so bad after all. “What kind of pictures would you want to take?”

Jaemin simpered. “Pretty things. Like you.”

Renjun physically felt his whole body heat up at that. “Sh-shut up, Jaemin! I’ll literally kill you. You’re not funny,” he said before sipping his beverage angrily in big gulps.

“Aww, have I got you flustered? Is little Injunnie shy now? I wasn’t joking, though,” Jaemin winked.

“Me neither.”

Jaemin only laughed harder as if Renjun didn’t have knives in his coat and could take him out this instant if he wanted to.

Except maybe Renjun didn’t want to.

—

Walking down the streets in Seoul had never been very enjoyable for Renjun. Maybe because most times he was alone and making his way back to HQ after just taking someone’s life and watching them die in his hands. Not that killing bothered him, not at all. It was his job after all. There just wasn’t much to see in Seoul.

He was wrong.

Now, with Jaemin by his side and their fingers intertwined, everything suddenly seemed beautiful. Like the many flowers blooming on the trees around the sidewalks, and the cute puppies that Jaemin always paused and asked permission from their owners to pet. Renjun just felt like everyone else around them. He felt like he really fit well in the crowd this time, like he was meant to be here.

His gaze followed a lone pink flower petal flying in the wind until it landed on the ground. He lifted his eyes and saw a couple holding hands nearby and laughing with each other.

“Whatchu lookin’ at?” Jaemin’s face suddenly appeared in front of him and he immediately stopped in his tracks.

Renjun cupped Jaemin’s right cheek and pushed his face away gently. “I just thought a pink flower petal reminded me of you,” he answered truthfully. There wasn’t really any point in lying to Jaemin.

Or so he thought.

“Oh yeah? I must be in your head a lot,” Jaemin said and wiggled his eyebrows.

Renjun scoffed. “You’re so full of yourself.”

—

“And why exactly are we here again?” he asked as they entered the place.

Jaemin turned towards him with a beam. “To look for the best camera that would suit me. I’m just browsing first, though.”

Renjun nodded and let go of Jaemin’s hand, telling him to go around the shop. Feeling bored, Renjun decided to see all the cameras on display as well. He came to a stop in front of a DSLR camera and the different types of lenses in the glass case.

“Looks as heavy as my rifle,” he mumbled under his breath.

“What did you say?”

Renjun jumped and whipped his head around. “You scared me!”

“Sorry,” Jaemin giggled and didn’t stop even after earning a smack on his shoulder from Renjun. “What have you got there?” he pointed at the camera that Renjun was just looking at.

“Hell if I know.” He was a little pissed at the younger boy creeping up to him so suddenly like that. What if Jaemin heard what he’d just said?

Perhaps Renjun was just being unreasonably paranoid because Jaemin only nudged him playfully with his shoulder. “No need to be so grumpy, baby. You look just like an angry kitten,” he giggled. Renjun was more concerned at how Jaemin casually used a pet name on him. “I’ll go get the store owner or something.”

When the Jaemin came back with an older man with him, Renjun stepped aside for a bit and opted to wait by the entrance, pushing their conversation to the back of his head. The more he looked at Jaemin, the more Renjun wasn’t sure if he could take him out.

—

“You have any idea yet which camera you’re getting?”

“Yeah, I do.” Jaemin briefly turned towards him to grin. He tightened his grip on Renjun’s hand. “Thanks to you.”

Renjun kicked a small rock that was in his way. “I really didn’t do anything, Nana.”

“I’m getting the one you were looking at actually. The man earlier said it was the best camera or something, and I can change the lenses and stuff.” Jaemin was really enthusiastic about it, and it was somewhat endearing to see. “He was probably just trying to get me to buy it but whatever, I’m getting it during my next visit anyway.”

“Oh to be rich and buy all the things you want without worrying you’ll go broke,” Renjun sighed. It was half a joke. He may not be as rich as Jaemin was but his bank account was still loaded, thank you very much. He suddenly turned sour when he remembered that all the cash was from his contract killings.

Jaemin shoved him gently and laughed. “Hey! I’m more than just a rich boy.”

“I hope so,” he joked.

Renjun pouted when they drew closer to the train station. This meant that they were going to part ways soon. And Renjun had failed to eliminate his target once again.

But that was fine. He had one month.

“One day I’ll take pictures of you,” Jaemin suddenly said.

Renjun felt his heart clench. Jaemin looked like he meant it. “Well, I– uh… yeah,” he smiled. “I look forward to it.”

—

The smell of jajangmyeon filled his nostrils when Renjun opened the door to his shared apartment.

“Welcome home, Injunnie!” he heard Donghyuck say from the kitchen.

“Hey, Hyuck. I’m back.” He toed his shoes off and made his way to the kitchen.

Donghyuck untied the ribbons of his red apron behind his back and removed it, placing it on the chair. “So? Tell me how your first date went,” he said excitedly. “Did it end up with you hiding a body?”

Renjun shrugged off his coat and let it fall to the floor before running his fingers through his silver locks, messing it up. “There weren’t any bodies to hide.”

Donghyuck gasped. “What, did you take him to a wood chipper?”

“Wait, what?” Then, Renjun realised his roommate was having the wrong idea, mistakenly thinking he had killed Jaemin. “No, Donghyuck, I didn’t kill him.”

The boy looked at him as if he’d spoken in a language Donghyuck didn’t understand. “What? Why not?”

“Because I…” Renjun trailed off, thinking back to Jaemin’s soft pink hair, sparkly eyes, bright smile, pleasantly deep voice and warm hands that were the perfect size for Renjun’s ones. He didn’t know the reason he couldn’t bring himself to kill Jaemin, but he did know one thing. “I think I need more time.”

Donghyuck looked like a fish with how he kept opening and closing his mouth, eventually deciding to keep it shut. “Whatever, Renjun.” He brushed the topic away. “I made dinner. Help yourself.”

—

Jaemin locked the door behind him and switched on every light in the living room, heaving out a sigh. His penthouse felt too empty at times. He trudged towards the grey couch and jumped onto it, switching on his phone to the notifications from the group chat he had with his friends.

**_[triple j]_ **

_**jisungpwark:** you still alive jaemin hyung?_

_**leejeno:** ofc he is why wouldn’t he be_

_**jisungpwark:** he’s going on a date with some random guy he just met????_

_**leejeno:** ur Point?_

_**nana:** heyyyyy my boys im back_

_**leejeno:** see, jisung_

_**nana:** that random guy has a name how many times do i need to tell you it’s renjun_

_**nana:** and he’s cute_

_**leejeno:** did you kiss_

_**nana:** no isnt that too soon_

_**jisungpwark:** yall literally fucked… a kiss is nothing LMAOOOO_

_**leejeno:** wait jisung has a point_

_**jisungpwark:** yes thank you jeno hyung_

_**nana:** IM KILLING BOTH OF YOU_

_**jisungpwark:** okok wait… so do u Like like him? do u want him to be your boyfriend_

_**leejeno:** omg im gonna be ur best man right nana? fuck jisung lives amirite_

_**jisungpwark:** HEY_

_**nana:** idk… but i do want to see renjun again tho_

_**leejeno:** are u confused about me being ur best man or renjun being ur boyfriend_

_**nana:** THE BOYFRIEND THING JENO_

_**jisungpwark:** wouldnt it be crazy if renjun was actually a hitman hired to kill u lol_

—

“Ow!” Renjun yelped when something was thrown his way, hitting the side of his head. He glared at the piece of popcorn on the floor, and then at his roommate who had a game console in his hand, looking comfortable as he sat cross-legged on the couch. “Good morning to you too, Donghyuck.”

“Going somewhere on this fine Sunday, Injunnie?” he gestured towards his black leather jacket and black skinny jeans that he wore from yesterday.

Renjun only grabbed his glasses, forgoing putting on his contact lenses since he wasn’t going to be running around shooting people today. He then placed a black beanie over his silver hair.

“Jesus, are you going to a fucking funeral?”

“No, Hyuck, I’m going to the agency. I have some paperwork to finish.” Renjun rolled his eyes.

Donghyuck leaned back against the couch, folding his legs and placed the console on his knees. “Alright. Have fun smoking weed with Jungwoo hyung.”

“I am _not_ smoking weed with anyone.”

—

A loud sound resonated in the empty place as Renjun banged his head on the table. He really hated doing paperwork and would rather eat takeout for the rest of his life. He groaned as he sat up and banged his head again when he saw the stacks of files on the table. It almost looked like he was in Johnny’s office, save for the half empty bottle of banana milk and his golden-rimmed glasses.

“Good morning, Agent Huang.”

Speaking of the devil…

Renjun stood up from his chair to bow at Johnny. “Morning, sir.”

Johnny eyed the room that was filled with empty cubicles, Renjun being the only one present today. He looked back at Renjun with an eyebrow raised, as if questioning why he was here.

“I have some paperwork to finish.” Renjun motioned towards his table. “What brings you here, sir?”

The man shrugged before saying, “Oh, I saw you entering the building and just wanted to drop by and say hi.”

That was unusual. Johnny probably wanted to kill him, didn’t he? Fuck, Renjun didn’t even kiss his Moomin plushie goodbye this morning.

He swallowed. “I see. Hi, sir,” Renjun said in hopes that Johnny would just leave now.

“Just ‘Johnny hyung’ is fine.” Johnny grabbed one of the papers on Renjun’s desk, skimming through it and nodded in approval before putting it back. He faced Renjun again. “I also wanted to ask you something. How are you doing on your assignment?”

Of course. Of course Johnny would want to know whether Na Jaemin was dead yet or not.

“I’m doing great, I think.” Renjun shifted from one foot the other anxiously. “The target is slowly trusting me and… I just have to wait for the perfect timing.” He wasn’t sure himself if the perfect timing even existed.

Johnny hummed. “That’s good to hear. And… you’re not falling for the target, are you, Agent Huang?” he gave Renjun a look of suspicion. “You know, it might be hard pulling the trigger if you have feelings for the person,” Johnny laughed at his unfunny joke. “Everyone from the Na family is blessed with good genes, aren’t they?”

Renjun only responded with a nervous laugh. “What are you talking about, sir?” He didn’t wait for an answer because he knew Johnny wasn’t going to give him one, asking the question that wouldn’t leave his mind instead. “Actually, may I know why someone wants Na Jaemin dead?”

Johnny chuckled lowly at this, like Renjun had just told him a joke. Which he hadn’t. “Not really necessary for you to know, is it? You’re getting paid to put a bullet through his brain and that’s as far as your job goes,” he said and patted Renjun’s head, causing his beanie to become askew. Johnny then turned to leave. “Have a good day, Agent Huang.”

—

Renjun punched the elevator button. Johnny’s question kept repeating itself in his head and he was about to go insane.

_You’re not falling for the target, are you, Agent Huang_? Well, was he?

There was a ding and the elevator doors slid open. Renjun suddenly didn’t want to enter when he saw who was already inside.

“If it isn’t Huang Renjun!”

“I, um…” he fixed his glasses, pushing it up his nose bridge. “I think this might be the wrong elevator.”

“What do you mean? There’s only one elevator in the building.”

“Actually, you’re right, Jungwoo hyung.” Renjun sighed and went inside. He didn’t want to keep Jungwoo waiting after all. The latter had one hand on the button to keep the doors open for Renjun, and the other was carrying a baguette. Renjun tried to not think of how the elevator smelled of weed. “So… baguette for dinner, huh?”

“It’s my breakfast, actually. I know it’s like five in the evening but it doesn’t really matter, right?” Jungwoo took a small bite from the bread, and hummed in delight. “I got it from the bakery two blocks down. You should try their stuff.”

Rejun fixed his hair, looking at his reflection on the metal walls after taking off his beanie. “I’m more of a banana milk kind of guy but will do, hyung.”

“Great! I’m going down to make a new drug today. Would you like to test it out?” Jungwoo gleefully invited him like he was asking Renjun to come to his tea party instead and not to have illegal substance flow in their veins.

Renjun’s eyes widened. He looked at the red numbers displayed at the top of the door which indicated the level they were on, and he still had a long way to reach his floor. “I’m good. Thanks for the offer, though. I have somewhere to go after this. Might even make a stop at the bakery you talked about, haha.”

Of course Jungwoo would come to the agency on a Sunday when most agents had their day off just to go into his lab that was a few floors underground to make drugs. Renjun didn’t know why he was still surprised.

“Oh, maybe next time then!” the man said in a sing-song voice.

Renjun didn’t get the chance to tell Jungwoo that there would never be a next time as the long awaited ding came and the elevator doors slid open once again. “This is me. Have a good day, Jungwoo hyung, and enjoy the baguette!” he said before dashing towards the exit of the building.

—

“Welcome home, Injunnie!”

“I’m back.” Renjun placed his shoes on the rack. The smell of a homemade meal cleared his mind off of things a bit and he thought maybe life wasn’t always shitty.

“Oh, you brought… baguettes,” Donghyuck said, placing the spatula down before going over to Renjun who was standing near the kitchen island.

“And you’re cooking dinner,” was Renjun’s only reply.

This made Donghyuck frown, clearly concerned. “Okay…? Is something– you know what, never mind. You can just come and talk to me when you’re ready.”

Renjun hated how Donghyuck could read him like an open book and notice when something was wrong. He just couldn’t hide it when he was fretting over something and he felt weak. Or maybe they’d just been friends for a long time and lived together long enough for Donghyuck to read his mind.

Renjun bit his lip before giving in. There was no use keeping everything to himself when he had someone who was willing to listen. “It’s Mr Seo…”

Donghyuck didn’t say anything. He only wiped his hands on his apron before taking the baguettes from Renjun and placing it on the table. “We could save this conversation after dinner. For now, you better finish up this bibimbap I made.”

Renjun couldn’t stop himself from breaking into a smile and punched Donghyuck’s shoulder. “Maybe I do love you. No, wait. I only love your homemade meals.”

Donghyuck hit him with a spatula.

—

**from. nana**  
_hey :)_

The unexpected notification almost made Renjun choke on his rice at the stupid skip of his heartbeat, turning his phone so that it was facing downwards on the table and ate a spoonful of rice. It was his second helping and Donghyuck was already at the sink washing his own plate. He cursed inwardly when he realised that he was stress eating.

“–okay? I’m sure Johnny hyung didn’t mean anything by that,” Donghyuck’s voice was heard over the sound of running water. “You know how he could be sometimes. Don’t let him get to your head.”

“No, it’s just… I don’t understand why the boss really wants me to take Jaemin out. Like he’s constantly pushing me to just do it.” Renjun dumped more rice onto his plate. “It’s weird.”

“Well, you _are_ a contract killer, after all. What did you expect?”

Renjun’s eyebrows went up. Donghyuck _did_ have a point. “Okay, maybe Mr Seo isn’t the problem. I think… I think it’s me, Hyuck.”

Donghyuck turned around to face him, leaning on the sink while drying the utensils. “What do you mean?”

“I just can’t… kill Jaemin. I get this weird feeling in my tummy when I’m around him, and my heart also does weird things. I don’t understand.” He stuffed his face again and took a glance towards Donghyuck after swallowing his food, who was suddenly quiet. “Why do you look like you just saw the ghost of your late grandpa or something?”

His roommate’s mouth was hanging open and he was slowly turning pale. Donghyuck almost seemed like he just came to a realisation and Renjun didn’t know what. He watched as Donghyuck kept the utensils and placed the cloth on the counter before making his way to Renjun, bending down so that he was at eye level with him, face too close for Renjun’s liking, and placed both hands on the older boy’s shoulders. “I know I always call you stupid, Injun, but… do you really have no idea what your feelings mean?”

Renjun backed away with a grimace and shoved Donghyuck’s hands away. “None at all. I just know that it feels annoying and, like, something inside me just keeps telling me to not kill him for some reason. What the fuck is that?”

Donghyuck was about to reply but decided against it, shutting his mouth. He seemed uneasy.

Renjun fixed his glasses that were sliding down the bridge of his nose. “Is there something you’re not telling me, Hyuck?”

Donghyuck shook his head and offered no further explanation before tucking in the chair he was previously sitting in, careful as to not drop his apron hanging on it.

Just then, Renjun’s phone vibrated again. He flipped it upwards to check the notification.

**from. nana**  
_you must be busy… that’s ok!! i just wanted to know if you would want to go out with me again? how about this friday night? ;))_

Renjun kept the device in his pocket.

“You’re so dense, you know that?” Donghyuck finally said and shuffled to his bedroom. Before shutting the door, he turned around and said, “Be careful, Renjun.”

Renjun was left alone in the kitchen with a heavy feeling in his chest and his thoughts all jumbled up.

—

“You look pretty. As always.”

“You’ve only seen me two times, Nana.”

“Three now,” Jaemin said with a wink.

Renjun rolled his eyes and shoved his hands into his pockets to protect them from the cold weather. Jaemin had promised to pick him up from the train station and Renjun didn’t know what else he expected when a red Lamborghini drove into sight along with a familiar pink haired boy.

“So, are you getting in or not?” Jaemin propped his elbow on the car door.

“Only if you had a nicer car,” Renjun joked.

Jaemin scanned the exterior of his car. “What’s wrong with it? My father gave this to me for my 18th birthday. I can’t just throw it away.”

He couldn’t believe Jaemin actually took him seriously, the poor boy.

“Hey, why are you laughing?” he heard Jaemin whining. “Injun, get in! It’s freezing outside.”

Renjun furrowed his brows but was still cackling. “What difference does it make if your car doesn’t have a roof?”

Jaemin was quiet for a moment. “Oh, you want the roof?”

He watched in stunned silence as the roof of the car slowly slid from the back and over Jaemin’s head, connecting with the windscreen. He’d never had the opportunity to see cars like these daily, and the agency never really provided cars for agents. Not that any of them had a driver’s license or drove legally anyway.

“What about now?” Jaemin grinned.

Renjun let out a hum. “Alright then, pretty boy,” he said before walking around the car. “If you insist.”

He didn’t miss the way Jaemin’s cheeks turned almost as pink as his hair even if the sun was already below the horizon.

—

“This is the place you had in mind when you told me it would be a surprise?”

Jaemin’s face dropped at Renjun’s tone. “Well... if you don’t like it, we could always go somewhere else.”

Renjun looked up at him and beamed. He cradled Jaemin’s cheek with one hand, pulling the corner of the younger boy’s lips into a smile with his thumb. Renjun felt his heart swell when Jaemin finally mirrored his expression. “I’ve never really been to a carnival before. It seems fun.”

“Really?” Jaemin grabbed his hand. “Let me show you around then!”

They settled on a shooting game, as per Renjun’s request, after three minutes of going around the place and Renjun marvelling at every game selection and food stalls at the carnival.

“You’re into this?” Jaemin asked as he picked up the rifle from the stand.

Renjun shrugged. “It’s fun, I guess.” He thought back to the times he had to press his body flat on the rooftop of some building, sweat trickling down his forehead under the hot sun as he looked at the location where his target was expected to be through the rifle scope. His time was spent waiting and waiting, and Donghyuck would always tell him to stop complaining and just shut up. “Only when you get to hit your target, though. That’s where the satisfaction comes from,” Renjun added as an afterthought.

“Right? My friends and I love playing this one game. Basically, you get sent to an island on a plane, and then you kill everyone else. Last team standing is the winner. I always have to carry them, though, because they’re pussies,” Jaemin said smugly.

“Really now, Mr I-Shoot-So-Well?” Renjun challenged him.

Jaemin paused his search for some coins in his pocket to throw a smirk Renjun’s way, holding his rifle in place at the junction of his neck. “I can also throw a grenade well.” He handed the coins to the person tending the stall.

Renjun scoffed. “You seem to be very proud of it when it’s all in the virtual world. I bet you can’t even shoot your target in real life with a real rifle.”

“Well, can you?” Jaemin shot right back.

“You’d be surprised.”

The younger boy laughed and held his rifle properly. “Jisung might be right,” he mumbled.

“What?” Renjun stepped closer to hear him clearly.

“Nothing. I said I don’t know how shooting some rubber ducks would be fun. Aren’t you gonna play?” Jaemin motioned to the still untouched rifle in front of Renjun.

Finally, he picked up the object like he would his own rifle, shocked to find that it didn’t weigh one bit. “That’s weird.”

“What is?”

He threw the object easily into the air, catching it with both hands without exerting much effort. “This thing isn’t as heavy as I thought it’d be.”

“It’s fake, isn’t it? Surely they wouldn’t go out of their way to make it too realistic and make it heavy as shit. How else would people get to play it?” Jaemin examined his own rifle.

Renjun processed the words in his head for a while. “True. It doesn’t even have a scope.”

The pink haired boy laughed so hard, throwing his head back. This earned him some weird glances from the people around them and Renjun smacked his arm. To his dismay, Jaemin only continued laughing, clutching his stomach. He almost looked like the supervillains in cartoons. Or Snowball, the rabbit from that one movie Chenle showed him. Those thoughts aside, the secondhand embarrassment was real.

“You’re so picky, Injun,” he said, sounding a little out of breath. “I like that.”

Renjun scowled. “I think I’m just too accustomed to–” he realised what he was about to say and stopped himself. He was really letting his guard down around Jaemin and that was horrifying. Renjun pinched his thigh angrily and positioned the rifle on his shoulder, indicating that he wanted to start the game. His thigh was probably going to bruise but he didn’t care.

Jaemin fingered the trigger and looked at Renjun questioningly. “Accustomed to what?” he asked when Renjun didn’t say anything else.

“Nothing. You can’t even hold a rifle properly,” Renjun decided to insult Jaemin instead.

Jaemin pouted and Renjun ignored the weird feeling in his stomach. “Really? Show me how then, Mr I-Can-Hold-Rifles-So-Well.”

Renjun rolled his eyes and placed his fake firearm down before stepping towards Jaemin. “You don’t put the butt of the gun under your armpit, Nana. That’s gonna hurt and bruise from the recoil after pulling the trigger,” he explained while grabbing the rifle and positioning it correctly on the front of Jaemin’s shoulder and near his chest muscle. Which felt very firm, by the way.

“You’re taking this way too seriously, Injun,” Jaemin said but chuckled fondly nonetheless. “I don’t think it will actually recoil, or whatever you call it.”

“Yeah, well, you asked me to show you how to hold a rifle properly,” Renjun glared up at him.

Jaemin’s face inched closer, and for a moment, Renjun thought he was going to kiss his forehead, before the younger boy pulled away and cleared his throat. He was avoiding eye contact so all Renjun could see was Jaemin’s jawline that could probably cut. Renjun wouldn’t lie, it _was_ a view. But he couldn’t really tell if it was the dim lights of the surroundings making his eyes play tricks on him, or if Jaemin was really turning crimson. “You ought to stop frowning. Not that you look less cute or anything.” He looked at Renjun again. “Go on.”

This only made Renjun’s eyebrows crease further. He didn’t know why he felt disappointed that Jaemin didn’t kiss his forehead. “Next, you tilt your head–”

_“–so the eye closest to the gun is looking straight down the top of the barrel.”_

_“Like this?”_

_“Perfect, Trainee Agent Huang.”_

_Renjun smiled sheepishly at the compliment. “Just ‘Renjun’ is fine, sir. It’s too much of a hassle to call me all that.”_

_“But it motivates you to do better everyday when you hear the word ‘agent’ followed by your last name, doesn’t it?”_

_He nodded._

_“Very well, then,” the man smiled at him. “The next step is to take deep breaths, then hold it in for not more than three seconds. That’s when you pull the trigger.”_

_Renjun did as he was instructed, and the sound of a gunshot reverberated off the walls in the small training room they were in. His eyes went wide when he saw that he hit bullseye._

_“That’s amazing, Trainee Agent Huang,” the man said and clapped him on his back. “I just know you’ll make a great hitman.”_

_Renjun flushed. “Thank you, sir.”_

_“Please, call me ‘Taeyong hyung’. I’m just your instructor.”_

“There.” Renjun took a step back to admire Jaemin’s form while he held the rifle after he helpfully taught the boy.

Jaemin was in awe. “Where did you learn all that? It almost sounded like… you’re a hitman or something,” he remarked. He didn’t seem so sure himself if he was joking or not.

Renjun only cocked an eyebrow at Jaemin – as if to ask ‘ _you think?_ ’ – before going back to his spot. He picked up his rifle, skilfully holding it in place the way he was taught back at the agency. Holding a firearm that felt weightless felt a little strange. He turned to Jaemin and tried to play it cool nonetheless. “Ready, pretty boy?”

Jaemin grinned mischievously at him and Renjun felt nervous for what was about to come. Having a rifle that weighed nothing was already too much to get used to. He really needed to adapt to the things Jaemin had up his sleeve if Renjun wanted to stop feeling like he had butterflies for breakfast, lunch and dinner.

However, the switchblade in the pocket of his jeans felt the heaviest at the moment – if not his heart – when Renjun realised that he was starting to think he had _forever_ with Jaemin, and that he wasn’t hired to kill him.

He hated how his delusions got ahead of him.

The younger boy’s voice pulled him out of his thoughts. “Let’s spice it up a little.”

“It’s just a shooting game. How much more fun could it be?”

Jaemin hummed, smiling once again. “Loser has to kiss the winner.”

And Renjun was never one to back down from a challenge. “Bet.”

—

He probably didn’t think this through.

No matter how he looked at it, it was still his loss. It was already too late once he came to this realisation, because now he was running away from Jaemin, who was determinedly chasing him with one goal in mind – to smother Renjun with kisses. Renjun barely escaped Jaemin’s attempt at glomping him right after he received a medium-sized rabbit plushie as a prize for winning the game.

“This isn’t a punishment for you, but for me!” he shouted without looking back.

“If you didn’t hate my kisses, then maybe it wouldn’t feel like a punishment!” Jaemin retorted.

It was getting harder to see because it turned out that Jaemin had chased him to an open field, away from the bright lights and hubbub of the carnival. Renjun ended up tripping on his own foot, crashing onto the soft grass with a grunt. He rolled onto his back and started laughing. Jaemin’s steps became slower and slower before he joined Renjun on the ground as well and giggled. Renjun’s laughter died down when the younger boy climbed on top of him.

“Got you,” said Jaemin cheekily.

Renjun tried pushing him away but to no avail, rolling his eyes. “Told you that you can’t shoot a target with a rifle in real life. It wasn’t even a real rifle to begin with.”

“And how are you so sure that I wasn’t missing on purpose?” Jaemin raised an eyebrow, teasing.

Renjun turned beet red. He couldn’t believe Jaemin was losing on purpose just so he could kiss Renjun. He also couldn’t believe that he let his competitive side out and shot all the rubber ducks precisely as if he were sent on a mission by Johnny.

Jaemin took his silence as his cue to close the distance between them, focused on Renjun’s lips. The latter shut his eyes in anticipation. However, he only received a peck on the cheek and nothing more, and his heart fell. Renjun opened his eyes to look at the younger boy, not bothering to hide his pout.

“I thought you didn’t want to be kissed?” Jaemin teased.

Renjun tugged him by his collar harshly and slotted their lips together, his rabbit plushie already long forgotten.

—

Seoul’s night city view was mesmerising, even more so from a bird’s eye view.

“Is this your first time?”

Renjun tore his gaze away from the glittery lights below and to the pink haired boy sitting across him. He nodded. “I’ve always wondered how it would feel like to be on a Ferris wheel.”

Jaemin hummed. “How do you feel now?”

“Wonderful.” He looked out the window again. “The view is really beautiful.”

“Definitely.” Jaemin’s voice somewhat held a sense of longing.

Renjun turned towards him and furrowed his eyebrows. “You’re not even looking at it!”

When the younger boy merely shrugged with a knowing smile, Renjun realised that he wasn’t talking about the night city view. He kicked Jaemin’s shin.

“Fuck!” the boy bent over, holding his aching leg.

“Stop flirting with me before I break your legs, Jaemin.”

“Why not?” he asked while rubbing his leg. Jaemin still had a shit eating grin on his face despite having his shin assaulted.

_Because I’m supposed to kill_ –

“Because I don’t think I can take it when–”

_When the time comes_ –

Jaemin sat up straight again, this time bringing his legs to his chest on the seat so that he wouldn’t get attacked again. He raised an eyebrow, prompting Renjun to go on.

Renjun could feel the outline of his knife in his pocket from where his hands rested on his thighs. “I don’t think my heart can take it.”

“Oh.”

They sat in silence again; Renjun admiring the cityscape that laid beyond the window and Jaemin tapping his fingers on his knees to a rhythm that only he could hear.

“Then…” Jaemin suddenly spoke. “Can your heart take it if I steal a kiss from you right now?”

It took a moment for Renjun to notice that they were at the top of the Ferris wheel. He scoffed. “Didn’t take you for a cliché.”

The carriage shook a little when Jaemin went to sit next to Renjun and took his hand. “Well?”

Renjun bit his lip, not wanting to embarrassingly break into a very wide smile. “Okay.”

Tonight, he decided that the most breathtaking view in the world was a boy with pink hair and the prettiest smile.

—

He only agreed to dinner at Jaemin’s place solely because Jaemin said he was going to cook. And Renjun was a sucker for homemade meals. Totally not because he saw the chance to take Jaemin out in his own home or something. Renjun would never do that. Definitely.

Even if he was supposed to do it.

“Welcome to my crib,” Jaemin said as he opened the door and stepped aside to let Renjun in.

“Oh shit,” was all he could manage to say as he looked around the place.

The sight that greeted him was something he’d never seen before; a spacious house with floor-to-ceiling windows which overlooked the beautiful night city view, pristine walls along the doorway decorated with picture frames, shiny marble floor and an overall neat looking living room with a fancy chandelier hanging from the high ceiling and a grand piano placed in the corner. It was clear that Jaemin was a person who valued cleanliness. Renjun also noticed a flight of stairs to the right of the room when he went further inside Jaemin’s penthouse, probably leading to the bedroom.

“You have a really nice place,” he commented.

Jaemin threw his keys into a bowl on a table near the door, the sound of jingling reverberating in the quiet place hurting Renjun’s ears for a split second. “Not so nice when you get lonely.”

Renjun hummed. He wondered if people also get lonely six feet underneath the ground.

As it stood, this house was already empty seeing that Jaemin was the only person occupying it. He tried to not think of how much more empty it would be if he killed Jaemin.

He shuffled into the living room, sitting himself on the grey couch. He threw the rabbit plushie he won prior onto the other end of the cushion before reaching to the back of his hoodie, pulling it over his head to remove it from his body since he didn’t need the warmth anymore, effectively messing up his silver hair in the process. Renjun huffed and combed his fingers through his locks. That was when his eyes landed on two picture frames on the coffee table next to the couch, one facing downwards. He grabbed the one where Jaemin was with two other boys, smiling brightly at the camera, teeth and all.

The boy who seemed to be holding the camera had handsome features – dark hair, a sharp nose bridge and eyes that turned into crescents when he smiled. Jaemin, who was blonde then, was holding up a peace sign and had his other arm around another boy who was taller than him. Renjun didn’t realise he was grinning himself the more he stared at the picture, at how happy Jaemin looked.

He placed the frame back onto the table carefully. Out of curiosity, Renjun made to turn over the other fallen picture frame.

“What are you doing?”

Jaemin’s voice caused Renjun to jump and he immediately retracted his hand as if he’d done something wrong. He looked up at the pink haired boy, eyes a little wide out of shock. Jaemin already had a blue apron tied around his back and his sleeves were rolled up to his elbows.

“Sorry, I was just… looking at these pictures,” Renjun said in a small voice. He didn’t know why he felt guilty. It wasn’t like he had breached Jaemin’s privacy, right?

If Jaemin didn’t want anyone to see the pictures, he wouldn’t have placed it here.

Renjun watched as Jaemin wordlessly took the picture frame that he had yet to see and held it close to his chest. If Renjun didn’t know better, he would think he saw a hint of sadness on the younger boy’s face. Or maybe Renjun didn’t know better after all. But the unhappy expression was gone in the blink of an eye, replaced by Jaemin’s signature charming smile.

Even if it almost appeared to be forced.

“So you saw the picture of Jeno, Jisung and I.”

Renjun ignored the way Jaemin was hiding that single frame from him. It wasn’t hard to respect someone’s privacy. “I did. Your friends seem nice.”

“Trust me, they are.”

Soon, they were silent, staring at each other awkwardly. Renjun really didn’t mean to snoop on Jaemin’s private life. Which he hadn’t just done, right? So why did he feel at fault for trying to look at a mere picture?

Something in him kept telling him to apologise but, instead, the words that came out of Renjun’s mouth were, “Is there anything that I can do to help you with dinner?”

Jaemin blinked a few times, as if trying to snap himself back to reality. “Oh yeah. It would be nice if you could help me a bit. Let’s go.” He held out his free hand to Renjun, still hugging the picture frame protectively.

Renjun only smiled and accepted his hand, standing up from the soft and comfortable couch. The way Jaemin slowly placed the frame back onto the coffee table, purposely making it face downwards didn’t go unnoticed by Renjun.

—

Have Jaemin’s shoulders always been this broad? Had he always owned a gorgeous-looking back profile? Was his nape designed to look so inviting that made Renjun want to plant a few kisses here and there, lightly scratch it just to see if Jaemin would hum in content and–

“–not much.”

“What?”

Jaemin grabbed two containers from the refrigerator, stood up straight once again and turned around to face Renjun, who was leaning against the kitchen counter. He closed the door with a push of his hip and shook both containers, showing Renjun the only ingredients he had.

“I just have kimchi and some leftover rice. Will kimchi fried rice be okay?”

“I’m okay with anything,” Renjun replied honestly. “I love homemade meals.”

Jaemin grinned at him. “Perfect.” He placed the containers on the counter and walked over to the other side of the kitchen in search of something. Soon after, he came back with a pink apron and handed it to Renjun. “Here, wear this.”

Renjun seemed to drown in the fabric due to his small size. The apron went over his knees and covered more than half of his legs. He scowled at Jaemin when the boy wouldn’t stop laughing. “Quit it, Jaemin!”

“Sorry, it’s just–” Jaemin continued laughing and clutched his stomach. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry!” He wrapped his arms around his body in an attempt to protect himself from Renjun’s punches. “You just look so cute,” he finally said.

Renjun halted his assault. “You’re saying I’m cute because I’m short. So you think I’m short?” He felt some sort of sadistic satisfaction when Jaemin’s eyes widened in fear as he made to land several punches on the younger boy again.

“No, stop! I don’t think you’re short. Even if you are– no, listen!” Jaemin screeched. “God, I’m gonna die.”

“You can say that again.” Renjun crossed his arms and glared up at Jaemin.

“I just think you’re cute, short or not.”

Renjun knew his cheeks were turning red, almost the same colour as the kimchi in the container. He let his eyes wander around the kitchen until he spotted a knife holder. “Jaemin, I know where you keep the knives. Better get to cooking before–”

“Yes, sir!” Jaemin gave him a salute.

Presently, Jaemin had a chopping board ready along with an onion and a garlic. Renjun only sat uncomfortably at the kitchen island with how the apron made movements a little difficult, waiting for instructions from Jaemin.

The quietness of the place was filled with Jaemin humming to himself, and the somewhat relaxing sound of vegetables being chopped.

_He’s vulnerable_.

Renjun furrowed his brows in confusion at the sudden voice in his head. He sat up straighter in his seat. ‘ _What?_ ’ he thought to himself.

_Target is in sight_.

Renjun’s eyes snapped towards Jaemin, the very unsuspecting Jaemin, who was busy dicing garlic. And then his eyes zeroed in on the knife in Jaemin’s hand.

Renjun could make it look like an accident – or rather, a suicide.

_What are you waiting for, Agent Huang?_

‘ _Nothing_ ,’ Renjun answered the voice in his head.

As if controlled by an unseen force, he stood up from the chair and quietly sneaked up behind Jaemin. The chopping sounds grew louder as he drew closer and closer towards the boy. Renjun didn’t startle when Jaemin suddenly spoke up.

“You know… that’s actually my mother’s. The apron, I mean.” The cutting didn’t cease. “Sometimes, she comes over and brings me food. We also cook together. But, these days, she hasn’t visited me much. Hence, my empty fridge,” Jaemin said with a laugh, almost bitter. He still hadn’t noticed Renjun behind him.

_What are you waiting for, Agent Huang?_ the voice came again. _Wouldn’t it be great if Na Jaemin got hurt?_

Renjun’s head was starting to throb. The chopping sounds were too loud now, ringing in his ears, overlapping with the voice in his head. He didn’t know which one to focus on.

_Na Jaemin is alive and well? You’re not falling for the target, are you, Agent Huang?_

‘ _No_ ,’ Renjun thought, shaking his head as if to prove his point to the voice.

_Chop. Kill. Chop. Na. Chop. Jae. Chop. Min._

He couldn’t take it anymore. It hurt so bad that Renjun wanted to scream. He threw himself forward and grabbed Jaemin’s right hand – the hand which held the knife – and drove it into Jaemin’s stomach. There was screaming, but he wasn’t sure who was screaming. Was it him? Was it Jaemin?

He pushed harder, letting the knife go deeper into Jaemin’s abdomen, feeling warm liquid on his hand. He then released his hold on the boy and let his body fall to the floor with a loud thud. There was almost little to no sign of life in his eyes as he stared back at Renjun, a weak hand placed over his wound. Renjun’s hand was the same colour as the blood that was beginning to soak through Jaemin’s shirt and apron.

“Why… Injun…” he croaked out.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why are you standing here, Injun? Hello?”

Renjun blinked.

Jaemin was in front of him, alive and well, and still dicing vegetables. He paused for a while as he turned around to look at Renjun properly. His shirt wasn’t bloody, and neither was Renjun’s hand. There was no dying Jaemin on the floor, no knife in anyone’s stomach, no killing tonight.

“Renjun?” Jaemin called him again, concern lacing his voice.

Renjun took a big gasp of air, not realising that he’d stopped breathing for about two minutes. His knees buckled.

“Woah, are you okay?” Jaemin’s arms were immediately around him before he could fall.

“I was just–!” Renjun almost shouted, but he didn’t know what he wanted to say. “I, uh…” he tried again in a normal voice. “I was just wondering if you needed help.”

The younger boy pondered for a moment. “Ah, I guess you could cut these up while I make omelettes for us. Is that okay?”

“Yes.” Renjun snatched the knife from Jaemin, keeping it away from the latter. “That is okay.”

—

“So, what do you think?”

Renjun took his sweet time in chewing the rice, savouring the flavour of it before swallowing. He nodded in approval. “It’s really good. I love it.”

“You love it?” A proud grin was present on Jaemin’s face.

Renjun cut one of the omelettes in half and placed it onto the heap of rice in his bowl. “I love it. I think your cooking is better than my roommate’s.”

Jaemin chuckled. “I don’t think they’d be pleased to hear this.”

“Fuck Donghyuck,” Renjun snickered, not actually meaning it. “But I’m serious, Nana. I really love it. It’s delicious.”

The younger boy only smiled sweetly at the compliment. “I’m glad to hear that.”

It was silent then, with Renjun busy stuffing his face eagerly out of hunger and Jaemin only watching with absolute adoration in his eyes, absentmindedly playing with his own food.

“So…” Jaemin started. “You live with this Donghyuck guy, huh?”

Renjun cocked his head to the side. “He’s annoying but it’s not like I have a choice.”

“You sound like you’re really fond of him,” Jaemin joked. “Best friends?”

“I grew up with him, yeah. Been stuck with him for as long as I can remember. We fight on the regular but that’s just how we get along,” Renjun said after drinking half the water in his glass to wash down the spicy taste in his mouth. “He’s in charge of cooking at home, though sometimes he gets lazy and just orders takeout. I hate takeout.” He scrunched his nose in distaste at the mere thought of greasy takeout. “But, yeah… I guess deep down I love him, even if he gets on my nerves all the time. What about you and your friends?”

Jaemin hummed and swallowed his omelette. “I met Jeno and Jisung in middle school, I think? We’ve been best friends since then. I do get jealous sometimes because they get to go to the same university whereas I had to start working for my father right after I finished school. Something about getting to know the company before I take over, you know? Stuff like that.”

Renjun nodded and ate a spoonful of rice.

“But you know what’s funny?” Jaemin continued.

“What?” asked Renjun curiously.

“Jisung keeps insisting that you’re a hitman hired to kill me, only because he claims that you’re an untrustworthy random guy I met at the gala.”

Renjun snorted. “Is Jisung the guy with the sculpted nose?”

“No, that’s Jeno.” Jaemin placed an omelette into his bowl, cutting it into small pieces.

Renjun placed an elbow on the table, resting his head in his hand. “Well, what did you say?”

“I just told him that’s not true and that you’re just a normal guy doing an internship at an architectural firm,” Jaemin explained. “Right?”

He wanted to laugh. “Right.”

Jaemin went back to eating while Renjun admired the sightly penthouse, briefly wondering how much it would cost. Maybe he and Donghyuck could move to a place like this? Would Donghyuck like it? Probably not. There was barely any wall in the living room as it was only floor-to-ceiling windows. Donghyuck would probably say it was too dangerous for them to live in such a place. Renjun’s eyes wandered further until the grand piano came into sight. He almost forgot it was there.

“You play the piano?” he asked.

“Nope, I don’t. But my–” Jaemin suddenly stopped himself before he could finish his sentence, looking a bit wide eyed.

Renjun turned to face the boy across him once again. “Hm?” he urged Jaemin to go on.

“No, nothing.” Jaemin shook his head, focusing on his food. “Forget I said anything.”

Renjun found that he hated it when Jaemin wasn’t being his usual cheerful and flirty self. The Jaemin in front of him was crestfallen for some reason, like he’d just remembered a memory he’d tried so hard to repress.

Renjun wanted to lift the mood by changing the subject but he didn’t know what else to talk about. He looked around the place a bit more, eyes landing on the picture frame that was flipped over on the coffee table. He figured that it was a touchy subject so he glanced around the kitchen instead. It was bigger and obviously better-looking compared to the one they had back at Renjun’s shared apartment.

“Oh, you have a nice oven.”

Jaemin lifted his gaze to meet Renjun’s. He finally smiled. “It’s a pity that I don’t know how to bake, isn’t it?”

“Well… I could teach you some other time if you’d like,” offered Renjun.

“Oh yeah? You plan on coming here again?” Jaemin had a playful smirk on his lips and Renjun wanted to jump off a building at the realisation of what he’d just said.

_Shit_.

He started to stammer. “I mean– uh… well, I–”

But thankfully, Jaemin cut him off before he could say things he didn’t mean. “Of course, Injun. I’d love it if you could teach me how to bake.”

How was Renjun supposed to tell Jaemin that the time would never come because he was supposed to assassinate him and not teach him how to bake?

“Okay. That’s cool,” Renjun decided to say instead and bored holes into his now empty bowl. He stood up and made his way to the sink to wash it. The longer Jaemin was in his sight, the more he felt suffocated.

“Can I tell you something?” Jaemin asked from where he was sitting.

“Sure,” he replied without looking back.

Jaemin didn’t say anything else, even after Renjun had finished drying the bowl and cutleries. He placed them on the dish rack before turning around, only to jump in surprise when Jaemin was already behind him.

“What the fuck, Jaemin?”

The boy only laughed. “You did this to me earlier.”

“My bad, then,” Renjun said, not actually apologetic. He ignored the way his heart dropped when he was reminded of what happened earlier, the vision he had. “Well?” he looked up questioningly at the younger boy. “What did you want to tell me?”

“Renjun…” Jaemin started, taking both of Renjun’s hands in his. “I like you.”

“What?”

It was kind of obvious from the start, really. But still, nothing could prepare Renjun for the sudden confession. He didn’t know why he was severely taken aback, mind going blank, only able to blink up at Jaemin as if the pink haired boy had just presented him the toughest math equation.

“I like you,” Jaemin repeated. “You don’t have to, like, return the feeling but… I just want you to know,” he said with utmost sincerity in his voice, gazing deeply into Renjun’s eyes. Jaemin squeezed his hands. “It’s okay, you don’t have to give me an answer right now, but yeah. That’s it. I like you.”

It was best to say that Renjun was at a loss of words.

He gulped. “Jaemin… what–”

Jaemin held up a hand, effectively silencing him. “Like I said, you don’t have to give me an answer right now. I can give you time.”

Time? What time? Renjun only had one month to kill Jaemin and now his target was professing his feelings to Renjun?

He didn’t know what to say, how to respond, couldn’t form a proper sentence but a, “Why?”

Jaemin was puzzled. “Why what?”

Renjun opened his mouth, quickly closing it again, thinking of the right words to say. “Nothing… nothing.” He pulled away from Jaemin’s hold, instantly regretting it when his hands felt cold.

It was part of the plan, wasn’t it? Get Jaemin to like him so he wouldn’t see it coming, wouldn’t expect it, wouldn’t even imagine it, when Renjun finally took him out and got the job done once and for all. Somehow, an ugly feeling settled itself in the pit of Renjun’s stomach knowing that Jaemin did genuinely like him.

He cleared his throat. “It’s getting late, isn’t it?”

Jaemin took a step back, giving Renjun some space. “Y-yeah. You must be tired. Let’s get you home.”

—

“I’m sorry but can you repeat yourself, Agent Huang?”

Renjun tried his best to not crumble under Johnny’s intimidating gaze across him, feeling his body start to tremble in his seat. His confidence was wavering at being asked to repeat himself. Either Johnny really didn’t hear him the first time, or he simply found Renjun’s request ridiculous.

“I-I said… could you perhaps give me another assignment, sir?”

Johnny leaned back in his black leather chair, lavender in hand as he stared at Renjun before forcing out a laugh. “Why would I do that? You still have yet to complete your current assignment.”

Renjun’s lips formed a thin line. He inhaled deeply before saying, “I just need more time before I…” he trailed off. “I mean, for Na Jaemin. But I feel restless if I don’t do anything for the time being, so… if you have any–”

“No,” Johnny cut him off sternly.

“No to what, sir? You don’t have any orders or–”

“No to giving you another assignment, Agent Huang.” Johnny sat up straight and propped his elbows on the wooden desk. “If you want one so bad, then you have to kill Na Jaemin quickly,” he said, voice low, almost as if he was taunting Renjun, challenging him.

Renjun broke eye contact with Johnny, staring at the potted plant in the man’s grip instead. He had never voluntarily gone into Johnny’s office to talk – well, only once when he asked for an extension the other day, but that was it. Was it a coincidence that today, he stepped into the boss’ office willingly to have a conversation with him, which somehow was related to Jaemin, just like the other day? He noticed that Jaemin was starting to affect his life in more ways than one and he couldn’t tell if it was something good or bad.

He also never had the need to beg Johnny for something, so Renjun didn’t know if Johnny was the type of man who would easily give in or not. It was probably worth a shot, right? He just had to word his sentences correctly. And Renjun was doing just that before the door to Johnny’s office burst open.

He turned around to find Donghyuck at the doorway.

“Oh, didn’t think I’d see you here,” Donghyuck said, addressing Renjun. He then looked at Johnny. “What’s the occasion?”

Johnny only chuckled, placing the lavender onto the desk. “Our agent here is actually empathetic and unable to kill his target.”

“That’s not true,” Renjun argued.

It was true.

“Ah, the heir of Na Company?” Donghyuck asked after taking a seat next to Renjun, though the answer was clear.

“Yes, and now he’s asking for another assignment?”

Feeling defeated, Renjun slumped in his chair.

Donghyuck must’ve noticed the change in his mood, because he said, “Come on, hyung. Just give him another one. I’ll help him with it the best I can.”

“No.” Johnny was firm.

Donghyuck scoffed, poking the side of his cheek with his tongue. Renjun knew it was a habit he did whenever he was pissed.

“Johnny hyung–”

“Forget it, Hyuck, it’s fine.” Renjun placed a hand over Donghyuck’s fists in hopes the latter would calm down. He knew Donghyuck could get his way with Johnny but it was still a little scary to see what the outcome would be. To him, Johnny was like a ticking time bomb; he could explode at any moment.

Donghyuck paid him no mind, continuing to talk to the boss. “I’m sure you’d give Taeil hyung all the assignments in the world if he asked, right? Ah, come to think of it, isn’t it a bad work ethic for a boss to date one of his employees?” his voice was dripping venom, a tone that Renjun had never heard Donghyuck use, directed at him at least.

Johnny’s right eye twitched. “Why are we questioning my relationship right now, Hyuckie?” he grinned, and Renjun could see that it was painfully forced.

Donghyuck shrugged. “You would, wouldn’t you, if Taeil hyung asked?” he pressed on. “I believe there’s a word for it, what was it? Favouriti–”

“Fine,” Johnny finally said. He went through the stack of files on his table and pulled out a folder before handing it to Renjun. “I was going to assign Agent Liu for this one but since you’re so persistent…” he narrowed his eyes at Donghyuck.

“Thank you, sir. I’ll do my best.” Renjun accepted the file and stood up, wanting to get out of here as soon as possible. Johnny was starting to get scary. And Renjun’s pride had never suffered such a blow to it; he never thought the day where he had to stoop so low and have Donghyuck help him with ‘Johnny-problems’ – like the boy did with every other agent – would come.

“You better.”

Renjun nodded curtly. He heard Johnny tell him to drop the formalities and also to have a good day before he exited the office, closing the door behind him.

Donghyuck was next to him soon after, playfully shoving Renjun with his shoulder. “Don’t say I never help you.”

“I never _asked_ for you to help me,” Renjun hissed.

Donghyuck’s face was close to his and Renjun knew the boy was only doing it to annoy him further. “But I still saved your ass back there, didn’t I?” he crooned.

Renjun wanted to slap off the stupid grin Donghyuck had on his face. He pressed on the elevator button. “Yes,” he admitted. “Yes, you did, Hyuck.”

—

Being patient was never really Renjun’s forte. He was starting to regret begging for a new assignment now, as he laid flat on his stomach on the rooftop of some tall building, peering into his scope at one of the windows of the opposite building – a hotel. On the bright side, he finally had the chance to bring out his sniper rifle after quite some time and put it to good use once again. It was also night time – no sun to beat down on him and reduce him to a sweaty, grumpy mess.

“Are you in position?”

Renjun winced at the sudden noise in his ear amidst his quiet surroundings. “Yes.” In his almost pitch black hiding place, he reminded himself that patience is a virtue, complaining wouldn’t make the target come faster, and if he just thought about his Moomin plushie, maybe then time would pass by quickly.

There was the unpleasant scratchy sound from the device in his ear once again, signaling that Donghyuck was about to talk. Renjun listened closely, ready to receive instructions. However, instead of instructions, Donghyuck threw him an unexpected question. “So… are you not gonna ask why this guy is on the hit list?”

Donghyuck was teasing him, Renjun knew it. He was indirectly talking about how Renjun had asked the reason why Jaemin was on the hit list whereas he didn’t even bother to read the profile of his new target properly. He only skimmed through the page, noting his facial features – a man in his early 30s – and that was about it.

“What is there to know?”

“I don’t know,” replied Donghyuck. “You seemed hesitant about killing _loverboy_ but not this man. Why? Is it because he’s not as attractive as your dear Mr J?”

Renjun’s cheeks heated up at the nicknames Donghyuck gave Jaemin and the fact that the other boy was right. “Donghyuck, focus,” he chided him in a lame attempt to move the subject somewhere else.

Donghyuck only laughed in his ear. “The target is still en route to the hotel. Twenty minutes, don’t worry.”

There were many things to worry about.

Renjun groaned, both because he still had to wait for a long time and it also meant that there was no escaping Donghyuck’s questions. That, and he wanted to head home quick, too. There were better things to do in the world other than laying on the cold, hard ground, waiting for someone to show up to put a bullet in their brain.

“Well, for a fact, this target’s crimes were actually written on his profile, and Mr J’s weren’t. Isn’t that weird, Donghyuck? I’m not about to kill someone innocent.”

There was no reply and Renjun accepted his fate of being enveloped by silence in the darkness of the night. He heaved a sigh. And before he knew it, he was already spacing out.

“Five minutes.”

Renjun startled a little, too lost in his thoughts, ones that involved a certain pink haired boy. He quickly readied himself.

“Four minutes.”

This time, Renjun was motivated to eliminate the target. He faced no problems of being patient, looking into the scope at the empty and dark hotel room, for he was able to go home soon. He waited until his handler counted down to the very last second, watching as the target finally entered his room and switched on the lights.

“You’re free to open fire, agent.”

And open fire he did.

—

Johnny’s words from when he went to the agency earlier after his last mission wouldn’t leave his head, even after Renjun stepped out of the shower, now laying on the soft mattress of his bed and hugging his Moomin plushie.

_Great job, Agent Huang. Wouldn’t it be nice if you could easily take out Na Jaemin like this?_

Would it be nice? Was it supposed to be nice?

What was nice, though, was his phone ringing and Jaemin’s name flashing on the screen. Renjun grabbed it and wasted no time in answering the call, letting Donghyuck’s advice of waiting for a few moments before picking up a call, lest he wanted to seem desperate – something that he learnt from Jungwoo’s class, apparently – fly over his head.

“Nana?” he said into his phone.

“ _Injunnie, hi._ ”

Renjun allowed himself to feel warm inside hearing Jaemin’s deep voice from the other end. He smiled. “Hey. Why’d you call?”

“ _Can’t I call the person I like?_ ” a hint of a pout could be heard from Jaemin’s voice and Renjun rolled his eyes. Jaemin always tended to act cute, to the point that he was starting to be immune to it now.

“No, that’s not it. It’s just out of the blue.”

This was a first. They had never talked on the phone before. They’d usually communicate through text – Jaemin always sent long paragraphs filled with too many cute emojis than Renjun would’ve liked but it wasn’t all that bad. Hearing Jaemin’s voice, one that Renjun would describe as dripping with sweet, sweet honey close to his ear over the phone felt different. The good kind of different.

Jaemin hummed. “ _Just wanted to ask about your day and hear your voice before I go to bed, is all. How was work?_ ”

“Work?” Renjun recalled the memory of watching the man he shot fall to the floor in the hotel room. He didn’t even remember the details of the target, mindlessly accepting the task given to him and carrying it out without a flaw. “Work was good. I received my pay today. How was your day, Nana?”

“ _Let’s not talk about me. I’m boring._ ”

Renjun would beg to differ.

“ _Have you eaten, Injun?_ ” Jaemin then asked.

“Mhm. Good thing my roommate cooked dinner for me before he left. He’s staying over at his brother’s tonight.”

Renjun willed himself to not think about how Johnny was a constant company at Taeil’s place (as Donghyuck had told him), and about the way Donghyuck had acted in front of the boss – or rather, his almost-brother-in-law – earlier. It was a side of Donghyuck that Renjun had never seen. Had he always been like that with Johnny?

He decided to not let his thoughts get the best of him and focused on the phone call. “I hate to say this but I miss your cooking already.”

“ _In that case, you have no choice but to come over again, right?_ ” Jaemin teased.

This boy really wasn’t aware of the fact that he was inviting the person who was supposed to kill him over to his house. It was almost funny, only if Renjun wasn’t the one who was supposed to take him out.

“I guess.” Renjun stifled a yawn with the back of his hand.

“ _I also want to see you again soon._ ”

“Miss me already?” Damn, where did that come from. Maybe the baguettes Jungwoo had told him to try.

Jaemin chuckled. “ _You’re not wrong_ ,” he said before yawning. “ _I’m getting sleepy. Call you again tomorrow night?_ ”

“That would be nice.”

—

“Who are you texting?”

Renjun turned off his phone before Chenle could take a good look at it, with the way he was peering over Renjun’s shoulder curiously. “Mind your own business,” he said angrily in his native language.

Across him, Mark shot him a quizzical look. “Are you seeing someone, Injun?” he set his utensils down, ready to hear the tea.

Donghyuck only snickered from beside Mark before his expression suddenly turned serious out of realisation. “Wait, is it who I think it is?”

Chenle seemed to perk up at this. “Who? Who is it, Donghyuck hyung?”

Renjun groaned. He was starting to regret agreeing to spend his lunch break with his friends at the agency. “It’s not important, for fuck’s sake–”

“Jaemin,” Donghyuck, ever the pain in the ass, informed their friends anyway.

“Ah, Jaemin…” Mark thought to himself aloud, nodding. “Wait, _Jaemin_?! As in Na–”

“Shut the fuck up, hyung,” Renjun hissed. He did _not_ need everyone in the cafeteria to know that he was associating with _the_ Na Jaemin, heir of one of the biggest companies in the country, Na Jaemin whom he was supposed to kill, but was now tangled in a mess of feelings with.

Not that Renjun would be happy to admit that.

“Didn’t think you were the kind of person who would go for the bag,” Chenle remarked before lifting his bowl and drinking the last drops of his seaweed soup. The boy never had a filter to begin with, that damn Sagittarius.

Renjun had never felt so offended before. “I am _not_ going for the– holy shit,” he then switched to Mandarin, “do you really fucking think that I’m a damn gold digger?”

“Personally, I think he’s a little too young to be a sugar daddy,” Donghyuck said as if his opinion really mattered and was needed.

Mark set his glass of orange juice down. “Well, personally, I don’t think Injun is going for the bag. Who gets all smiley and giddy like a high school girl whenever they text their sugar daddy?”

“Can we please stop saying the word ‘sugar daddy’?” Renjun was exasperated and wanted to tear his hair out. But on second thought, Donghyuck would probably kill him for it because he had went out of his way to bleach and dye Renjun’s hair himself weeks ago.

“Glucose guardian,” Chenle supplied helpfully.

Renjun turned in his seat to face the boy next to him. “Would you like to be kissed by my fist or by my shoe?”

“Ah, it’s refreshing to not be the one threatened by Injun,” Donghyuck said with a sigh.

“Anyways,” Mark cleared his throat. “Bottom line is that Injun is whipped for his boyfriend. Right, Hyuck?”

Renjun’s eyes went wide. “He’s not my–!”

“Right.” How dare Donghyuck betray him like this!

He hated the worried glance his best friend sent his way. More so after lunch when Mark and Chenle had left, and Donghyuck tugged him by the arm with the kind of look he always wore whenever he was about to voice out a concern to Renjun, asking him to stay behind for a bit.

“What?”

“Is it true?” asked Donghyuck.

Renjun frowned. “Is what true?”

Everyone in the cafeteria took their leave one by one, emptying the place as lunch break was almost over. Donghyuck’s voice seemed a little too loud in the place.

“That you have feelings for him.”

Renjun found himself having trouble in denying it. Sure, his best trait was deception and he was a professional at deceiving anyone as he pleased. But at the end of the day, he couldn’t lie to himself after all.

At the lack of answer, Donghyuck sighed. “Renjun, what are you gonna do?”

“I don’t know,” he replied timidly.

“I told you to be careful.” There was more worry than disappointment in Donghyuck’s tone.

Renjun bit his lip. “I know.”

—

He didn’t announce his arrival, opting to lean at the doorway and observe Johnny as he was standing before the large single window in his office that overlooked almost all the buildings in Seoul. He had always deemed the way Johnny never drew the blinds was dangerous, considering that they weren’t actually carrying out jobs that people in an actual architectural firm would be doing.

Donghyuck then belatedly realised that the man was talking to someone on the phone, if the way he was speaking in a hushed voice, right hand by his ear was anything to go by. He strained his ears.

“–bunny.”

He tilted his head at that. Was that a pet name? Johnny didn’t call Taeil ‘bunny’ as far as he was concerned.

“I’ll be sending them out soon, so expect them by next week.” And with that, Johnny ended the call. He pocketed the device and let out a surprised gasp when he turned around and saw Donghyuck. Johnny immediately composed himself. “Ah, Hyuckie. Didn’t notice you sooner, sorry about that.”

Only then that Donghyuck stepped into the room and closed the door behind him. He sat in one of the chairs across Johnny, who also took a seat. “Maybe if you weren’t so busy talking on the phone.”

The air around them was thick with tension, heavy and suffocating. Donghyuck didn’t have to put up an act of the annoying and bratty younger brother, since nobody was around to see it. In this room at the moment, there were only Johnny and him.

Johnny cast his gaze downwards and laughed, almost nervously. “Business,” was his only reply.

Donghyuck nodded in understanding, not wanting to ask anymore questions. “So, you wanted to see me?”

“Oh yeah, about that… I’m sending you out on a mission,” said Johnny.

He frowned, confused. “I thought you said no more missions for Renjun until he takes out that company heir.”

“No, this has nothing to do with Agent Huang.” Johnny held the small potted plant on his desk. “You’re going on the field.”

Donghyuck’s eyes widened, too wide that they might fall out of its sockets. “WHAT?!”

“No, listen, Hyuck–”

“Hyung, we talked about this! You agreed that I won’t be going on the field anymore after my leg injury and put me in the Intelligence Unit!” Donghyuck’s voice raised with every word, fury slowly taking over him.

“Well, your right leg is alright now and you can walk just fine, no?” Johnny replied. His demeanour had completely changed and his words had a harsh bite to it. Now this was the real Johnny.

Not the Johnny who was the head of the organisation, not boyfriend Johnny who was a dork around Taeil, and definitely not the Johnny that Donghyuck knew. Not that it was a surprise; Donghyuck had always known that there was something up Johnny’s sleeve. Anyone in the organisation who thought Johnny was just a normal boss was so _mistaken_.

Especially with the information Donghyuck had discovered from last night.

“Just so you know, the emotional trauma is still there,” Donghyuck said through gritted teeth. He hated how his voice came out so weak, and how his knuckles were turning white from the way he had them clenched in his lap, and how he was on the verge of tears. “I almost _died_ , hyung.”

_Donghyuck pushed open the only window in the room and poked his head out. He gulped at the height._

_“Agent, what are you doing?”_

_He could barely hear Mark’s voice. Donghyuck wasn’t sure whether it was because of the blood rushing through his ears, or because of the loud sound of the enemies approaching._

_“I have to escape this building,” he said to no one in particular. Maybe to his handler, since Mark was the only one listening._

_Splitting up was a bad decision, Donghyuck had realised. He only realised it now when it was too late. He had suggested that he and Renjun split up so they could get the files that contained important information, according to Johnny. There were quite a few, so obviously splitting up sounded ideal to Donghyuck at that moment._

_He regretted that decision now, when his partner was nowhere in sight and he was going to be cornered soon. His only means of escape was through the window, three storeys high._

_Donghyuck was about to make a decision that he would most probably regret but he figured that he had nothing to lose. He climbed onto the windowsill, preparing to jump. There was no time to hesitate when the footsteps outside of the room grew louder. At least five people were on his ass, that he was sure of._

_‘Dear God, if I survive this, I promise I’ll cook dinner every night for my roommate,’ Donghyuck prayed silently. Then, he backtracked. ‘Almost every night… I think. Okay, dinner whenever I am able to cook.’_

_Just then, the door burst open and hit the wall with a bang. Donghyuck felt like his soul had left his body, heart dropping to his stomach and he did the first thing he could think of – jumping._

_The ground was coming up to meet him very quickly and Donghyuck didn’t have time to prepare himself for the fall. The agency didn’t exactly have a class that taught them about jumping off buildings and how to land safely. Or maybe they did and Donghyuck just couldn’t form any coherent thoughts with how the wind was prickling his eyes and hitting his body._

_He held his arms before him and spread his fingers, bending his legs. Donghyuck wasn’t quite sure how he was supposed to land, and the ground was getting nearer and nearer. He held his breath and closed his eyes._

_He let out a yelp as he landed. Donghyuck made a mistake of putting all of his weight onto his right side – his right leg, to be exact – because he sure heard a bone or two crack due to the impact and now he was in absolute pain. Absolute and unbearable pain that it was a surprise he was still alive. Donghyuck fell to his side as his legs practically couldn’t support him anymore._

_“Fuck,” he cursed. “This wasn’t part of the plan.”_

_His in-ear comm crackled to life and with it came Mark’s voice. “Agent Lee, you’re out of the building. Did you just fucking jump? Because there was no way– wait, where’s Agent Huang? Is he with you?” The questions were almost non-stop._

_“Not the time for questions,” he said as he dodged the bullets being fired from the people he outran. He quickly retaliated, managing to shoot all the three masked men in the head despite being three storeys below. “Just a minor accident.”_

_“Enemies around the corner,” Mark warned._

_True enough. The sound of heavy footfalls reached his ears, approaching where he was, and he had yet to recover from the fall._

_“I think I’m out of bullets,” he muttered._

_Three more men came around the corner and started firing. All Donghyuck could do was roll around the asphalt to avoid getting hit, which was really doing nothing for his survival. Involuntary tears fell from his eyes as some bullets ingrained themselves into his flesh, thankfully not hitting his vital parts at least. Donghyuck curled himself into a ball in an attempt to avoid getting shot in his abdomen, both hands covering his head. He gritted his teeth, the pain throughout his body becoming tenfold._

_This was it, he guessed. No dinner for his roommate, no more cuddles from his brother, no more annoying his friends–_

_He was close to passing out – from the blood loss or pain, he didn’t know – until he heard more gunshots but the bullets stopped coming. He heaved when someone hauled his weak body onto their back and started running._

_“You stupid bitch!” the person said._

_Donghyuck smiled when he heard the voice, snuggling closer into Renjun’s neck._

_“What the fuck were you doing?!” Renjun shouted again. For once, he was grateful for being yelled at by none other than his best friend._

_“You’re the best, Renjun,” he whispered, barely audible._

_Renjun only kept running, turning his head back occasionally to see if they were being followed. He probably didn’t hear what Donghyuck said, tapping on the device in his ear. “Hey, Chenle, send someone to pick us up.”_

_‘Dinner for you every night,’ was Donghyuck’s last thought. His eyelids were drooping and he decided that a nap wouldn’t hurt._

He was pulled out from the horrible memory when the door to Johnny’s office swung open.

“Hyuck?”

Donghyuck turned to see his brother in the doorway.

“Have a seat, my love,” Johnny spoke up before Donghyuck could say a word.

“What’s this about?” Taeil asked, looking at Johnny, then to Donghyuck, and Johnny again after he’d taken a seat next to his brother.

“I’m sending the both of you on a mission,” Johnny said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Which it was, since agents only get called into his office to be given assignments.

“Okay…” Taeil replied, uncertainty the most evident thing in his voice. “And Hyuck is here because he’s going to be my handler,” he said, somewhere between a question and a statement.

“No,” Johnny smiled, not reaching his eyes. “He’s going with you.”

“On the field?” It was obvious Taeil wasn’t going to agree on this. “Johnny, we made an agreement–”

“Are you going against me, Agent Taeil?” Johnny sat up straight, raising his eyebrows as he stared Taeil down.

“Johnny…”

“You are aware that you are my employee before you are my lover, are you not?”

Taeil was speechless, blinking several times as if that would help his brain comprehend the shit Johnny was spewing.

Donghyuck slammed his hands on the table. “This does not make any fucking sense.” He stood up abruptly, the chair behind him dragging loudly and he made his way towards the door.

“And where do you think you’re going, Agent Lee?”

“Johnny, what’s gotten into you?” asked Taeil, soft spoken as ever even when his boyfriend wasn’t acting right. “Could we please talk everything out first?”

“What’s there to talk about, hm? Contract killing isn’t rocket science, my love Taeil. You get hired to kill people, no questions asked,” Johnny simply said.

Donghyuck had stopped midway, weighing the pros and cons of staying in this office and hearing out what his boss had to say. He decided that staying was for the best. After all, no place felt safer than where his brother was. He sat back down next to Taeil.

“Johnny, I think I have the right to ask why you’re sending an off-field agent onto the field, especially when that agent is my brother.”

Johnny only shrugged. “I’m the boss, Taeil. I make the rules.” He left no room for anymore arguments and handed a file to Taeil. “Your assignment.”

Donghyuck peered at the file in Taeil’s hand as he opened it.

_Kim Doyoung_ , it read. A man with black hair. He didn’t bother to read the rest of his profile and flipped onto the next page, his brother making a noise of protest at the back of his throat. Donghyuck ignored him. _Na-something Yuta_. Shoulder-length bright red hair. Both of them had piercing gazes, almost as if they were penetrating his soul.

He turned to look at Johnny expectantly.

“Friday next week,” was all the man said.

Donghyuck opened his mouth to speak. “Can I have Mark as my–”

“No handlers,” Johnny cut him off.

“But–” Taeil tried to argue on behalf of his brother.

“Top secret mission,” said Johnny again.

Taeil let out a heavy sigh and shook his head, clearly disappointed. “You’ve changed, Youngho.” He stood up and wordlessly exited the office without looking back.

Donghyuck only sat in the chair with his head hung low. He gripped the file that his brother had left. “I think I’m at a loss for words.”

Johnny laughed hollowly. “Less talking, more shooting.”

—

Jaemin knocked twice on the white oak doors. He had the option of just entering but he decided that being polite wouldn’t hurt. Even if it was never really reciprocated.

“Come in,” the man in the office said without glancing up from the papers he was reading.

Jaemin made his way into the room and plopped onto one of the chairs, resting his elbows on the desk, careful to not crumple the many papers strewn carelessly over it. “Dad,” he whined when the man still didn’t pay attention to him.

His father finally placed the papers down and removed his reading glasses to fix a look at Jaemin like he was a nuisance. Well, in a way, he _was_ ; coming in and interrupting his father doing work. “What is it? Have you finished going through the papers I had my personal assistant send to your room?”

Jaemin groaned inwardly. His father was always like this – nothing in his mind other than business and business only. He was almost like a robot, too, never taking a break from work and it was all he’d ever talk about. Nothing else mattered to him apart from work and it was _exhausting_. He didn’t even make time for anything outside of business and the company, not even his family. Jaemin didn’t blame his mother for wanting to split up with his father.

“I have. Half of it, at least.” His brain cells were barely hanging in there. “Anyway, I came here to tell you something.”

His father let out a non-committal hum and Jaemin wasn’t sure if he was still listening or not. The man was already back to examining the paper in his hand, glasses hanging low on his nose bridge.

He huffed, continuing to talk regardless. “I’m seeing someone right now.”

His father’s head snapped up. “You’re _what_?”

“I said,” Jaemin repeated, a bit louder this time so his father could hear him loud and clear, “there’s someone I’m seeing.”

“Nonsense. Stop seeing them.”

Jaemin’s heart sank. “Why?” The desperation was evident in his voice but he didn’t give a fuck. “I’m old enough for this, dad,” he argued.

“Well, big boy Jaemin,” his father said mockingly, “you need to focus on work right now. A distraction is the last thing you need. Why, you may ask? Because you’re gonna take over the company after this in case you’ve forgotten.”

Jaemin was well aware of it. And he was also aware of how his father wasn’t making any sense. It wasn’t like his performance suddenly decreased when he started seeing Renjun. His father was _obsessed_ with work and that was a problem.

Another problem was the way his father was clearly uninterested in the conversation they were having, flipping through the pages of his ledger, and then back to the papers in his hands. Jaemin might as well just be talking to a wall.

“Ever wonder if you’ll make the same mistake again?”

His father adjusted his glasses so it rested higher on the bridge of his nose and looked at Jaemin once again. His eyes… they resembled Jaemin’s, just a little cloudy with age. Jaemin could also see himself in his father, but also _someone else_. “What do you mean by that?”

Jaemin leaned back in his chair, smoothing the creases on the sleeve of his button up. “I’m surprised with how you moved on so quickly, dad.” His eyebrows furrowed when he realised something and sat up straight. “Actually, were you even sad over–”

“We do not talk about _that_ ,” his father cut him off sternly.

Jaemin scoffed. His father was unbelievable. “I’m your only son. Well, right now at least. Surely I should be allowed happiness in this suffocating company?”

He jumped when his father suddenly threw the stack of papers onto his desk. To make things worse, Jaemin was also fixed with a stern glare. Maybe he’d just gotten on his father’s last nerve. But to be fair, when had his father acted like anyone didn’t get on his nerves anyway?

“Get back to work, Na Jaemin. This company is going to be in your hands and I want everything to be perfect before I step down.”

The final word in an argument. His father wanted that. And Jaemin gave him just that.

—

“What is it?” Renjun asked angrily through gritted teeth. Donghyuck would’ve dropped dead by now if he could literally shoot daggers through his eyes. He harshly pulled his arm away from his roommate’s hold.

Donghyuck clicked his tongue. “What are you in such a rush for to go to your room? Are you gonna wank?”

Renjun grimaced. “Gross, Hyuck. Jaemin promised to call me tonight, actually.”

At this, Donghyuck crossed his arms. Even in the dim lighting of the kitchen, Renjun could tell that he had a lot of questions. Questions that he didn’t want to entertain nor answer. And maybe, Renjun just didn’t know the answer to the questions Donghyuck had in his mind.

“Phone sex, huh?”

Now that was not the question Renjun saw coming.

“No, Donghyuck,” he said with a groan. “Just casual talking before bed. Now if you’ll just excuse me.”

“You don’t go to bed at 9.” Donghyuck stopped him once more before he could take another step, blocking his way. “Please, can we talk for a bit? Just… one hour at most, promise.”

Renjun took in the way Donghyuck seemed so desperate. He was never like this before, always the kind of friend who loved to annoy the shit out of him for fun. Tonight, Donghyuck was just… different. Donghyuck wasn’t Donghyuck and frankly, it was alarming. Renjun bit his lip so he wouldn’t bite back, saying that they live together for fuck’s sake, they could just talk tomorrow, please let me go to my room and talk to Jaemin.

He shouldn’t. Not when Donghyuck was looking at him with pleading eyes, genuinely pleading eyes and not the ones he gave Renjun when he wanted to get his way.

“Fine.” He made his way to the couch in the living room, expecting his roommate to follow suit.

“So, I did some digging,” Donghyuck started after he sat cross-legged beside Renjun. “Actually, I’ve been doing some digging for months now, but last night… I think I found the things I was looking for.”

Renjun frowned, not really processing Donghyuck’s words. “Stop being so cryptic and get straight to the point.”

“Johnny hyung isn’t the person who you think he is. Neither is Jaemin.”

Silence washed over them as Renjun internally begged his remaining brain cells to understand the bombshell Donghyuck had just dropped on him. Among the many questions going through his head, there was only one that mattered – was Renjun stupid or was Donghyuck simply not making any sense?

“What? What do you mean– wait, what does Jaemin– what?” Not very eloquent of him but could you really blame Renjun when he couldn’t wrap his brain around what Donghyuck had just said?

“Okay…” Donghyuck started slow, as if explaining to Renjun the way to make one of his difficult homemade meals Taeil had taught him. “I didn’t mean Jaemin like _that_ , but it has something to do with him. First off, did you know that Johnny hyung had history with Jaemin’s brother?”

“Brother?” Renjun questioned. “Are you sure we have the same Jaemin in mind? Because as far as I’m aware, I don’t think he has a brother.”

“Well, ‘ _had_ ’ is the right word.”

“Had?” His head was honest to God starting to hurt.

“His brother was Jaehyun,” Donghyuck continued, like he expected Renjun to comprehend everything right off the bat.

Renjun was far from that. Too far than he was sure Donghyuck would be pleased.

“Okay…?” He wasn’t sure what he was supposed to get out of this. So apparently, Jaehyun was Jaemin’s brother, and Jaemin had never mentioned him to Renjun. Maybe he just preferred to not talk about his family. But wait… he did mention his mother, never his father nor his brother. And what was the whole thing about hiding the picture frame from Renjun that night?

“Now, get this.”

He scooted closer to Donghyuck until their knees were touching so he could listen closely, not wanting to miss out any details. As it was, he already didn’t understand anything Donghyuck was saying, and Renjun actually wanted to know what the fuck he was talking about.

But nothing could prepare him for what Donghyuck said next.

“Johnny hyung used to date Jaehyun.”

“Hyuck, I’m sorry to say this but I’m literally unable to connect the dots.”

“Jaemin has never told you about his brother, has he?”

Renjun shifted uncomfortably in his seat, moving around until he was in a more cozy position. “Obviously, no. Wait, if he has an older brother, then why is he the heir of his father’s company?”

“Good question.” There was a smile on Donghyuck’s face, one with a sense of foreboding. “That’s because Jaehyun isn’t around anymore.”

“Well, where did his ass go?”

“To heaven, I hope.”

“Wait, _what_?!” Renjun shrieked.

_The sounds of their laughter accompanied the heavy rain pattering on the ground as they ran hand in hand, the one umbrella they were under doing so little to shield them from the wet weather. Dark clouds were blocking the moon but that was fine. Johnny didn’t think anything could outshine Jaehyun’s smile. Nothing was brighter than the man next to him._

_A deafening rumble of thunder was heard right when they entered the apartment complex. They managed to make it back safely to Jaehyun’s place, fortunately. The water droplets dripping from both the umbrella and their bodies earned them an annoyed look from the nearby janitor and Jaehyun only threw him an apologetic smile before they went into the elevator to get to his floor._

_Johnny wrapped his arms around Jaehyun’s body when he noticed the younger boy shivering. “You okay?”_

_“Yeah.” Jaehyun gripped the umbrella tightly and shook it a few times to rid the rainwater from it._

_The first thing Johnny did when Jaehyun unlocked the door to his place was jump onto the couch. He loved the giggles that slipped past Jaehyun’s lips. He just knew his boyfriend thought he was silly._

_“Johnny, my boy,” Jaehyun said, still giggling, dimples on display. “Change into something dry or you’re gonna catch a cold.”_

_Johnny pulled him down onto the couch when he was close enough so Jaehyun’s face was on his soaked chest. “Then we’ll just fall sick together, hm?”_

_“I don’t wanna fall sick!” Jaehyun protested. “My father’s gonna kill me if I can’t come to work.” He then pulled away from Johnny’s embrace, standing up. Jaehyun held out a hand. “Let’s go change.”_

_Johnny finally caved in and accepted his hand. “Fine.”_

_He loved the way Jaehyun smiled down at him, dimples prominent as ever._

_After they had changed into drier clothes, Jaehyun made tea for the both of them with Johnny clinging onto him, resting his head on Jaehyun’s shoulder. They had planned to spend the night with Jaehyun’s heater turned all the way up._

_Which was why they were confused when the doorbell rang at exactly 10.30pm._

_“Were you expecting someone?” Johnny asked him, freeing Jaehyun of his hold._

_Jaehyun turned around in his spot. “No,” he said, just as puzzled as Johnny was. “I should probably get it still.”_

_Jaehyun’s father was the last person they expected to show up at the doorstep._

_“Dad?”_

_The man merely pushed past him and into the apartment uninvited._

_Johnny, sadly, was unaware of his arrival, leisurely sitting on the couch, sipping his tea. It was when he finally noticed the man, with Jaehyun trailing behind him like a lost puppy that he stood up. “Mr Na?”_

_Mr Na ignored him, turning to his son. He seemed furious. “Why are you still seeing him, Jaehyun?”_

_“Why would I not be seeing him?” Jaehyun bit back. He then sauntered into the kitchen to grab his cup of tea._

_Johnny only watched on uneasily as Mr Na stomped to where Jaehyun was standing. His boyfriend had told him multiple times that their relationship was looked down upon by his father. Something about being a distraction to Jaehyun as the heir of the company. But Jaehyun had also told him that he couldn’t be bothered to give a single fuck._

_Johnny wouldn’t lie; he was a bit deterred. He had tried to break things off with Jaehyun, telling him that relationships disapproved by parents would never work out and never end well. To him, being given your parents’ blessings was the most important thing. Even if both of Johnny’s parents weren’t around anymore. Jaehyun, however, never really cared about those things._

_“It could be us against the world as long as we love each other, Johnny,” he had said. “Nothing could come in the way of our love.”_

_At this moment, though, Jaehyun was proven wrong._

_“You’re gonna be taking over the company after me, Na Jaehyun. You can’t afford to be distracted by a boy!”_

_“I’m not distracted by anyone, dad!” Jaehyun countered. Despite the confidence he tried to muster, he still took a step backwards when his father took one forward._

_“Don’t you dare raise your voice at me.”_

_“Maybe if I said it loud and clear, you’ll hear. Only then you’ll learn to pay attention to your family more than your work.” Jaehyun’s free hand was balled into a fist, and the cup he was holding started to shake in his trembling hand. “Do you know Jaemin always calls me at night, crying because he feels so alone at home? Because you never bother to come home? And you don’t even let him live with mom, knowing fully well that with her, he’d get all the love and attention he deserves?”_

_“This isn’t about Jaemin,” Mr Na replied, clearly not wanting to address the accusations directed to him._

_“Fine, then. Let’s talk about me, shall we? Talk about the way you control my life and how you never allow me to do this, or do that. It’s always ‘Jaehyun, you need to be perfect’ or ‘Jaehyun, I don’t need you bringing the company down’. It’s never ‘Jaehyun, you’re doing well’ or ‘Jaehyun, I’m proud of you’. Well, you know what, dad?” he challenged the man. “Fuck your damn company.”_

_Johnny fiddled with the hem of his shirt – Jaehyun’s shirt – nervously. He wanted to stop the argument but he felt like it wasn’t exactly his place. All he could do was anxiously stand there, watching the whole ordeal unfold before his eyes and hope that it would end soon._

_“I’ve never taught you to speak like that.” Mr Na took another step towards his son, prompting Jaehyun to step backwards._

_“I’m tired of this, dad. I’m sick of the way you tell me what to do, what I can or cannot do, I’m tired of trying to live up to your expectations as the heir of your stupid company,” Jaehyun poured his heart out, on the verge of tears. “I can now see why mom can’t stand being with you any longer.”_

_Everything happened so fast._

_The past five minutes had felt like a push and pull game, except it was only pushing from Mr Na, pushing Jaehyun over the edge. They were like two different magnets of the same pole, with the way Jaehyun stepped back whenever his father took a step forward. It happened again, but this time… this time, Jaehyun tripped over his own foot in the process, falling backwards._

_Falling, falling, falling–_

_“Jaehyun!!”_

_It was too late then. Johnny was too far away, wasn’t fast enough, wasn’t within arms reach with Jaehyun’s figure, Jaehyun who fell onto the table, snapping his neck._

“Well, I don’t know every detail of it but the gist of it is that it was an accident caused by his father. Of course his rich-crisp-dollar-notes-smelling stanky ass covered it up and told the newspapers to write it as Jaehyun’s own slip, _and_ bribed Johnny hyung to keep it hush,” Donghyuck explained. “But Johnny hyung didn’t accept the money. So he was in dire need of cash at that point in his life and joined the agency, I think.”

“How long ago was this?” asked Renjun. He was slowly starting to put the pieces together, just not quite catching the drift.

“9 years ago.”

He gasped. “That’s when we were–”

“Thirteen and I found you at the playground, yeah.”

There were just so many things to unpack, too many that Renjun didn’t know what to question first. “Don’t you think it’s weird how Mr Seo managed to become head in a short span of time?”

Donghyuck hummed. “That’s a whole other story for later.”

“Okay, yeah,” Renjun agreed. “So… why are you telling me all these things about Jaehyun again?”

“Because it’s true, about what you said.”

“What did I say?”

“That Jaemin is innocent.”

Now Renjun’s mind was really running a thousand miles a minute. “Wh– so why am I supposed to–?”

“Because Johnny hyung wanted revenge.” Donghyuck wasn’t giving him a break, dropping more shocking information one after the other before Renjun could even process the previous ones.

“Yeah, yeah.” Renjun waved a hand dismissively. “That, I know. Wait, let me just _think_.” He paused for a moment, shutting his eyes, trying to collect his thoughts. “Why– why am I supposed to kill Jaemin then? Not his father? Mr Seo wants revenge on Jaemin’s father right?”

The more Donghyuck talked, the more Renjun’s brain cells deteriorated.

“Injun, are you even still following me? You look like I’m spewing shit in German, and we both don’t speak that language,” Donghyuck sounded genuinely concerned.

“Yes, I’m– I’m trying my best. Just go on.”

“Okay, so the reason Johnny hyung asked you to kill Jaemin and not his father is because the Na Company reeks of nepotism. You kill Jaemin, the company goes to shit. That’s revenge enough. Understand?”

Renjun nodded, starting to follow.

“Alright, good. Basically, Na Sr. won’t let anyone who isn’t his bloodline take over the company. Get it now?”

_Oh. Oh shit._

It finally clicked. Renjun finally understood everything, every single thing that it almost felt like it came crashing down on him like waves. “What the fuck? What the fuck? What the actual _fuck_?”

“I know.”

“What the fuck, Donghyuck?” he ran his hand through his silver hair, messing it up in frustration. “What the fuck? What the fuck do I do now?”

“Hey, hey, relax. You’re okay, Renjun.”

He was held down by Donghyuck, both of the boy’s arms on his shoulders, making him stay still. Renjun tried to follow the rhythm of Donghyuck’s breathing, fixing his gaze on the way his roommate’s chest rose and fell. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.

“You’re okay,” Donghyuck repeated.

“My hunch was right,” he finally said after he felt calm enough. “There wasn’t a client. It was Mr Seo all along.” Renjun forcefully slammed his body downwards, letting his forehead hit Donghyuck’s lap roughly. “I feel like… I feel like I’m coming down with a hangover and I didn’t even drink.”

Donghyuck snickered and clapped him on the back. “Just a migraine then. Go on. Don’t you have a phone call to take?”

—

There was something different about talking with Jaemin on the phone. Renjun thought it was somewhat intimate; the way Jaemin’s deep and husky voice flowed out over the speaker of his phone, placed directly on his ear. So, so close. It was also the way they were thinking about the same things, or nothing at all, still able to connect with each other despite being in different places.

As he laid on his bed, staring at the ceiling with his Moomin plushie on his chest, Renjun felt the rhythm of his heart thumping gently against his rib cage. He knew a light blush was sitting high on his cheeks as he listened to Jaemin talking on the other end. Jaemin had always had that effect on him.

“ _You know_ ,” Jaemin said, and Renjun could tell he was about to speak about something else, the previous subject of Jaemin accidentally burning his toast this morning coming to an end. “ _You left your rabbit plushie at my place_.”

Renjun furrowed his brows, confused. “My rabbit plushie?” He didn’t recall owning one.

“ _Yeah, your rabbit plushie. The one you won at the carnival, remember?_ ”

“Ah!” Renjun snapped his fingers. “Right. You can keep it.”

“ _Really? You’re giving it to me? That’s so nice of you, Injunnie_ ,” Jaemin chuckled.

Renjun held his breath before his heart could do that stupid thing – skipping a beat. He rolled his eyes at himself for being so silly. It wasn’t that big of a compliment, yet he found himself wanting to scream into his pillow like some high school girl who just got back from a first date with her crush.

But that aside, he couldn’t help but notice something off with Jaemin, like he was trying to put up an act of happiness while talking with Renjun. His tone was what gave it away and Renjun immediately picked up on it the moment Jaemin called him. His laugh earlier sounded a little forced, too.

“Nana?”

He heard Jaemin hum on the other end.

“Are you okay? You sound… sad.”

“ _The observant type, aren’t you?_ ” Then, a sigh. “ _It’s just very burdensome. Being the heir of your father’s company, I mean. Everything has to be perfect, no mistakes allowed. And the pressure, oh, the pressure._ ” Another sigh. “ _I can’t begin to explain how much pressure I’m being put under by my dad. God, this is so stressful._ ”

Words failed him at the moment as Renjun didn’t know what to say. He wasn’t the best at comforting people. Donghyuck was always the one comforting him, always telling him the right words when he needed it, always ready to get Renjun back up on his feet. He realised his roommate had never opened up to him, always Renjun doing so, always Donghyuck giving Renjun the reassurance he needed. Now he regretted it as he went over the list of things Donghyuck had said to him in his head, trying to say something _nice_ to Jaemin.

“Um,” was all he managed instead.

There were shuffling sounds before Jaemin spoke again, laughing. “ _Sorry, I didn’t mean to ramble._ ”

“No, no, it’s fine. I’m just– not good at, uh, giving advice?” he didn’t sound so sure himself. “But if it makes you feel better, you can always tell me everything, Jaemin.”

Maybe it didn’t make Jaemin feel better. Maybe that was why he never told Renjun about Jaehyun. But Renjun, too, had never told Jaemin about his past – or the truth about his present, either – so he figured they were even.

“ _Thanks, Injun._ ” He could almost hear the smile in Jaemin’s voice. “ _I appreciate it._ ”

The corners of Renjun’s mouth curved upwards as well, rolling one ear of his Moomin plushie in between his thumb and index finger. He felt pride wash over him, knowing he was able to help Jaemin, even in the slightest bit. Renjun wanted to help him. Only if Jaemin wanted him to, only if Jaemin let him in.

But he knew Jaemin being so secretive, keeping some things to himself wasn’t the problem. It was his father, and consequently Johnny’s thirst for vengeance. Jaemin was simply a victim in this whole mess. So was Renjun. He liked to see life in a positive way so perhaps this was a blessing in disguise, how he was assigned on this mission to take Jaemin out. Had it been any other agent, they probably would’ve done so with no hesitation.

Renjun was going to figure out a way. He must. Donghyuck was going to have his back, he was certain. He had known the boy long enough to know that he, too, wouldn’t want to cause harm to an innocent.

First, they had to get through Johnny and–

“ _Injun?_ ”

“Y-yeah?” Renjun hadn’t noticed he let himself be too absorbed in his own thoughts.

“ _I really like you._ ”

“I think I like you too, Jaemin,” he said without missing a beat. Renjun had decided to come to terms with his feelings now that he knew Jaemin had done nothing wrong, that he could somehow find a way out of this.

“ _Oh. Oh, wow. Wow._ ” The low laugh that rumbled from Jaemin’s chest made Renjun’s stomach twist, but not unpleasantly. “ _That made my heart flutter. Say it again._ ”

Renjun complied. “I like you, Jaemin.”

He could hear the sound of Jaemin’s steady breathing over the line as they were silent, waiting for the other to say something. Renjun didn’t mind just being like this. He could do it all day.

“ _Can I see you again soon? I want to hear you say it to me in person._ ”

At the thought of actually telling Jaemin he liked him to his face, to his _stupidly handsome_ face, Renjun flushed. “O-okay.”

“ _Okay?_ ”

“Okay,” he echoed.

Renjun didn’t know when or why it started, but he became aware of it when he felt a single tear stream down the side of his head the moment he rolled onto his side to turn off the lamp on the nightstand after they ended the phone call. It was then that he felt an overwhelming amount of emotions in his body, and he didn’t know how to stop it. Alas, crying himself to sleep was the best option he had, with his Moomin plushie snuggled close to his chest.

—

“How much more time do you need, Agent Huang? Are you starting to become incompetent?” it almost seemed like Johnny was sneering at him.

To say that Renjun didn’t see this coming when Donghyuck informed him this morning about the boss wanting to see him would be a lie. Though, he did think he was going to be given an assignment, the hopeful part of him.

Renjun bit his lip, going over what he was about to say to Johnny several times in his head. “Mr Seo… at this point, I can’t tell whether it’s the client who wants Na Jaemin dead, or it’s _you_ ,” he taunted, challenging.

This instantly made the condescending look on Johnny’s face disappear. It was replaced by a dead serious look instead which made chills run down Renjun’s spine.

“Remember, Agent Huang; contract killing isn’t rocket science. You shouldn’t be asking too many questions. Less talking, more shooting.”

Renjun wanted to scoff but he held himself back. Of course Johnny forbade him from asking too many questions. He wouldn’t want Renjun to know the real reason behind why he kept pushing Renjun to get the job done, the real story behind this whole Na Jaemin thing. God knows what else Johnny hid.

He gulped when Johnny was still staring at him expectantly.

“So, when?”

The phone call last night played itself in Renjun’s head, the part where Jaemin had asked to see him again soon, specifically.

“I’m… I’m getting to it, sir.”

“Good. Oh, and just ‘Johnny hyung’ is fine.”

—

The uneasy feeling, like something wasn’t right, like something bad was to happen wouldn’t leave Renjun. Not when Donghyuck had told him to expect an empty home when he returned from his date with Jaemin. His roommate had told him he was going out on a mission – on the fucking field – today. Of course it worried Renjun.

He couldn’t forget the memory of how severely injured Donghyuck was on that one mission years ago. It was like a nightmare – he was badly bruised and covered in blood, and as if things couldn’t get any worse, his right leg was fractured as well. If Renjun was a second too late back then, Donghyuck probably wouldn’t still be alive today.

Since then, he was transferred into the Intelligence Unit, serving as an off-field agent after a few discussions between Johnny and Taeil. That was why Renjun thought he heard wrong when Donghyuck said he was going on the field. But, it was going to be okay, right? Donghyuck was Donghyuck. He knew how to fight, and he also received the same exact training as Renjun did. He was going to survive.

Renjun shouldn’t be worrying about Donghyuck when Jaemin was beside him, though, walking hand in hand on a beautiful sunny spring day down the streets of Seoul.

“Where are you taking me today?”

“You’ll see,” Jaemin said before booping Renjun’s nose.

Renjun groaned and tried to pull away but Jaemin’s finger had already made contact with the tip of his nose anyway. He then looked at the camera hanging off Jaemin’s neck by a strap. “You even brought a camera today. Is it a special occasion?”

“Yeah, I just got this last week actually. And about special…” he pulled Renjun closer. “I hope you find it special.”

Renjun did find it special. His jaw dropped as soon as they arrived at the place Jaemin had in mind – _an art gallery_.

He had always been interested in fine arts ever since he was a child. Renjun didn’t have time to visit an art gallery, however, due to his work. He also wouldn’t have company and he thought it would be less fun alone. So he was _ecstatic_ when he saw all the many exquisite paintings on the walls, though it was, of course, an understatement.

“Your eyes are literally shining, Injun,” Jaemin bent down a little so he could whisper in his ear. “I take it that you like it?”

“God, Jaemin.” Renjun looked up at him, eyes wide with fascination. “I love it.”

Immediately after they had gotten their tickets, he let go of Jaemin’s hand in favour of running to the painting that had caught his eye the most. It was an abstract one, one that just looked like random colours of paint had been splashed onto the canvas by the artist. But Renjun was someone who really appreciated any form of art, so even such artworks he found breathtaking.

His mother had always told him to look deeper into abstract paintings and try to find the meaning of it, instead of taking it at face value. Renjun absentmindedly chewed on his nail – a habit he did whenever he was concentrating on something – as he stood in front of the artwork and attempted to analyse it.

The scrapes of colours clashed, but it was almost harmonious. Like chaos, but in a way that was aesthetically pleasing, like order within disorder. At first glance, it would seem like a mess of colour; that was the beauty of abstract art. Renjun squinted his eyes. The longer he looked at it, he realised it directed his gaze to a certain point – the middle. He figured that it was because the brushstrokes were directional towards that point.

Another thing that his mother had told him was that one would tend to associate art with the things that were going on in their lives. Renjun found himself doing just that. The colours were like his inner turmoil; the relationships in his life were complicated and intertwined, very different to each other, represented by the bright contrasting colours which mix together at some point. But what he really craved was stability – that one fixed point in the center.

In short, the painting was beautiful. Renjun was reminded of why he was passionate about fine arts in the first place, though he would have to thank his mother for introducing him to the beauty of art.

He moved on to the next one and made a mental note of every detail, wanting to produce something just as stunning. As much as he loved drawing, he also loved painting. Renjun wouldn’t say he was very confident with his painting skills. He was still learning and trying to improve himself in his free time, which he almost rarely got. There was no other perfect opportunity to do so than visiting an art gallery. He really owed Jaemin big time for this.

Unbeknownst to him, Jaemin had been taking pictures of him admiring the works on display. It was after he finished gawking at a painting of the sky that he noticed.

“Hey!” he scowled, face heating up in embarrassment.

“What?” Jaemin moved his camera out of Renjun’s reach before he could grab it.

He still tried to snatch it, wanting to delete every picture of him that Jaemin had snapped. “Why–” he huffed when Jaemin held the camera above his head, putting Renjun at a disadvantage with his height.

“This camera cost me a fortune, pretty boy. I’m gonna put it to good use.”

—

Donghyuck was careful with every step that he took, gun at the ready. Taeil was just behind him – in front, technically, since he was watching Taeil’s back – scanning the place for any signs of the enemy.

“Clear,” his brother said, voice low. It was important to stay as quiet as possible, especially since they were entering the enemy’s territory.

It had been years since he’d gone on the field and Donghyuck felt a little out of place. He still had the skills nonetheless – stealth and speed. It was difficult to lose them when he’d gone through rigorous training for months before becoming an agent. The feeling of the firearm in his hand was quite alien, but Donghyuck had faith in himself. He’d adjust to it soon.

Despite two years of being an off-field agent, the adrenaline and thrill of danger being just around the corner was still familiar. Donghyuck could almost hear the fast-paced beating of his heart in his ears alongside his breathing, and if he listened more closely, he could also hear his footsteps. But that was the whole point; not being heard.

He turned on his heels and followed Taeil into the black mansion. He didn’t know what crimes their two targets had committed because it wasn’t written on their profiles. Had it always been like that? The crimes of the target not stated on their profiles? Donghyuck wanted to question it but Johnny’s motto had always been ‘less talking, more shooting’. He also wanted to question so badly about why, _why him of all people_ , was sent on the field when they had made a deal.

Not to mention that no handlers were allowed because this was apparently a top secret mission? What was so top secret about it? Donghyuck figured this mansion was the home of their targets. Maybe they lived together because they were a couple? Whatever, that didn’t matter to him. Everything was just so sketchy and he felt on edge, and it wasn’t even because he was on a mission.

The place was too quiet. Any place too spacious and silent was straight out of a horror movie in Donghyuck’s opinion. He cursed when the floorboard creaked underneath his feet. He shot a panicked look at his brother. Taeil had his back to him, still skimming the place, but he held his left hand up, balled into a fist – a signal to _halt_.

Donghyuck held his breath. He couldn’t mess it up just yet; they haven’t even gotten past the entrance.

When Taeil finally signaled him to follow, they slowly made their way into the living room. It was like any other living room; round carpet covering the wooden floor, a coffee table in the middle of the room, a three seater couch against the wall, and across it the television. There was a big window to the right of the room, a translucent white curtain obscuring the outside view of the garden. And to the left of the room, Donghyuck guessed was the kitchen–

“Hyung!” He barely caught sight of a figure with dark hair in the doorway near the kitchen. They were armed and had their gun aimed at Taeil. Donghyuck pushed his brother out of the way, back to the corridor, but not before a bullet successfully ingrained itself into his brother’s calf.

“Fuck.” Taeil was bleeding, but he wasn’t rendered immobile just yet. “Go, Donghyuck. Don’t worry about me, I’ll be behind you.”

Donghyuck certainly wasn’t prepared for this kind of situation, the sheer fear and panic coursing through his veins. His mind was going blank at the moment and he couldn’t think straight.

‘ _Come on, come on. Think of a plan_ ,’ he thought to himself, trying to come up with a strategy. An agent was useless without the ability to remain calm, or figure out a plan, and they were especially done for if they were unable to move. But it was going to be okay, his brother could still walk.

Hopefully.

He peered around the corner of the doorway to the living room. Dark hair… must be Kim Doyoung. The other guy, Yuta, still had yet to make an appearance and Donghyuck had every right to be anxiously cautious. Renjun would’ve called him paranoid.

There was a staircase nearby, but judging from the lack of movement (Donghyuck hadn’t heard any footfalls) after the first gunshot, the enemy must still be in the kitchen. He could only expect Yuta to be in either two places – the kitchen or from upstairs.

It was eerily quiet once again, and Donghyuck had always hated quiet.

“Are you okay, hyung?” he whispered to his brother. “Can you walk?”

“I’ll be fine, don’t worry.” Taeil didn’t look fine. His forehead was covered in sweat, sitting uncomfortably on the floor with a hand over his wound in an attempt to stop the bleeding.

Donghyuck hissed through his teeth. He was two years short in experience compared to Renjun. What would Renjun do in this situation?

He stepped out of the hiding place, gun aimed at the doorway, now void of anyone, just the refrigerator in sight. “Come out, cowards!” he shouted. “Let’s settle this like men, shall we?”

Taeil was back beside him soon after, trying to control his breathing. There was determination in his eyes and Donghyuck thought he didn’t have to worry anymore. That was, until Yuta suddenly appeared in the doorway and started firing at them with purpose.

Donghyuck skilfully avoided the bullets, crouching down and flipping the coffee table onto its side to use it as a shield, all the while firing his own round of bullets back at the red haired man. He grabbed a cushion from the couch and tossed it at Taeil. “Hyung!”

His brother caught it swiftly, movements a little restricted due to his injury.

Yuta sure was good at dodging bullets, but not aiming. Or maybe Donghyuck and Taeil were just gifted at speed and reflex. It also seemed like he was just aimlessly shooting. But it was when Yuta had stopped firing and let out a distressed grunt that Donghyuck kicked away the table he used as protection, only about ten bumps of bullet prints on it.

“He’s out of bullets,” he muttered to Taeil. He then took several steps forward. “I’m gonna get him.”

“No, Donghyuck, wait–”

Donghyuck wasn’t listening anymore, eyes set on Yuta’s angry face only, reloading his gun without tearing his gaze away from the man. He had his hair in a ponytail today, unlike in the picture in the profile Donghyuck was given, so he had a somewhat front row seat view of Yuta’s piercing gaze, the piercing gaze that sucked Donghyuck in to the point that he couldn’t see anything else other than Yuta only.

“Donghyuck, on the right! Careful, on the right!” Taeil shouted but it fell on deaf ears. “The right hand si–”

Yuta was replaced by the back of his brother’s head, dirty blonde strands in his sight. Taeil was still shouting, arms wide open as if to protect him from something. Amidst the chaos, Donghyuck could register a loud gunshot, but it didn’t come from him.

Taeil fell to the ground.

Ringing was all he heard as he froze in place, petrified, looking at his brother. “H-hyung?”

“Donghyuck, go,” Taeil croaked out, face scrunching up in pain, one hand over his stomach.

Donghyuck’s breathing was shaky, vision starting to blur with tears as he looked up to face the enemies. The thought that there were two of them flew over his head, too set on taking out Yuta that he had forgotten about Kim Doyoung. Now, they were nothing but a blob of black and red, and Donghyuck’s body reacted before his mind could as he grabbed a grenade from his holster and removed the pin.

The words of his instructor suddenly resurfaced back in his head.

_“And when you take the safety pin out of a grenade, how many seconds do you have before it goes off, Trainee Agent Lee?”_

_“Um…” Donghyuck scratched his nape. He didn’t know because he wasn’t paying attention in class. “I kinda forgot, sir.”_

_The man chuckled. “Please, just call me ‘Taeyong hyung’. I’m only your instructor. And, it’s four seconds, by the way.”_

He screamed in fury, chucking the grenade at the direction of the kitchen. In the span of four seconds, Donghyuck aimed his gun at Kim Doyoung, shooting him in the chest, then in the stomach, anywhere his trembling hand could manage, before he shot Yuta in the arm. He then hauled Taeil onto his shoulder, dashing towards the window and used the momentum of his run to crash it with his body, shards of glass penetrating his skin as he landed on the soft grass in the garden. He got back up on his feet, dragging his brother’s body to a safe distance from the mansion, barely making it before it exploded.

He covered Taeil’s ears, not caring to check whether he was still alive or not. And then, black. A thudding sound.

When he came to, Donghyuck blinked. He hadn’t even realised he had passed out from the explosion, ears still ringing and head spinning. He rubbed his eyes, sitting up, knees wobbly as he put his whole body weight on them, shaking his brother’s body.

“Hyung?” he bit his quivering lip. “Taeil hyung?”

Taeil winced when a tear landed on his cheek. He slowly opened his eyes. “Hyuck… I’m sorry.” Speaking seemed like a difficult task and it was heart wrenching to see his brother in this state.

“No, hyung,” he was sobbing then. “You can’t leave me yet!”

Taeil’s eyes fluttered closed once more. “I’m sorry,” he wheezed.

“No, no, no. Wake up! Hyung, wake up!” Donghyuck violently shook Taeil’s body.

When Taeil didn’t wake up, he landed on his butt, despair growing in him like a wildfire. He looked up to the cloudy sky and blinked his tears away.

Donghyuck screamed in agony.

—

“What’s wrong?”

Renjun shook his head, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. “Just a bit cold.” He watched as his sneakers sank halfway into the sand, then inhaled deeply, taking in the salty scent of seawater. He closed his eyes, relishing in the sea breeze blowing past him, making a mess of his silver hair.

Jaemin had brought them to the beach to watch the sunset. Renjun thought it was rather chilly to go to the beach in spring, but he’d never really had the time to go so who was he to say no? He was either cooped up back at the agency finishing paperwork or putting a bullet in someone’s brain so he decided that maybe a change of scenery would be nice.

The sound of a shutter suddenly went off and Renjun snapped his eyes open. “Jaemin!”

“What?” Jaemin had the audacity to giggle.

They wound up running around the beach, with Renjun hot on Jaemin’s tails, chasing him to get his hands on the goddamn camera. Jaemin eventually tripped on his own foot, that dumbass, and twisted his body so that he fell on his back. His laughter never stopped.

Renjun joined him on the sand, groaning when Jaemin pushed his hand away. He laid on his back and stared at the orangish-pink sky, admiring it.

“I told you,” Jaemin said, voice close to his ear.

Renjun turned to face him, seeing the whole galaxy in Jaemin’s eyes.

“I said when I finally get myself a camera, I’m gonna take pictures of pretty things, remember?”

“Then why don’t you take pictures of yourself?”

Jaemin’s eyebrows raised at this, cheeks turning almost the same shade as the sky. Or maybe that was just the sunset reflecting off on his face but Renjun wanted to think that he was starting to develop some decent flirting skills. “You really like me, huh, Huang Renjun?”

Renjun’s gaze shifted towards the sea. “Maybe,” he mumbled.

Jaemin flipped around, resting on his elbows, specks of sand in his pink hair and the back of his clothes. “What was that?”

Renjun nudged him in the shoulder. “Do you need to get your ears checked, Na Jaemin?”

“No, I think you need to speak loud and clear, Injunnie,” Jaemin retorted.

Renjun rolled his eyes and reached out to dust away the sand in Jaemin’s pink hair. “Fine. I like you, Jaemin.”

—

The sound of his phone ringing broke the silence in the room. He saved the document on the desktop before grabbing the device, checking the caller ID. There was none – a burner phone.

“What?” he said after accepting the call.

The situation on the other end didn’t sound too good, and the person speaking to him sounded like they were on the verge of death, heaving too loudly and exerting a lot of effort to just speak one sentence. “ _We couldn’t do it. He managed to run away._ ”

His blood boiled at the news. “Which one?”

“ _The younger brother. He threw a grenade at us, and shot Doyoung and ran away._ ”

He cursed. “Doyoung’s dead?”

“ _I don’t think I have much time left,_ ” the person on the other line said, ignoring his question. “ _It’s so… hard to stay awake._ ”

“Yuta–”

“ _It was nice working with you, Johnny._ ”

The line went dead.

He dropped his phone onto the table and ran his hand through his hair in frustration. Out of anger, he grabbed the lavender placed onto his desk and chucked the small potted plant across the room, sending it flying to the wall and crashing into pieces, the lavender now sitting sadly on his office floor with broken pieces of clay strewn around it.

“Fucking Lee Donghyuck.”

—

The fire was big enough now, flames tall and moving fluidly in the direction of the wind blowing.

Donghyuck wiped away the sweat running down the sides of his face, a result of searching high and low for a huge amount of firewood and starting a fire in the dark woods. He sighed, looking at Taeil’s body laying on the ground. In different circumstances, Donghyuck would’ve thought his brother to be peacefully asleep. Except now, Taeil’s shirt was bloody and he was asleep forever.

He kneeled down and kissed Taeil’s forehead, skin cold to the touch, making Donghyuck’s heart sink. Everything just felt too real now. “I’m sorry. I wish I could’ve protected you.”

Donghyuck stood up and lifted his brother’s body, throwing him into the flames before crouching down, head hanging low between his knees.

He let his tears fall once more.

—

Renjun still had yet to get used to Jaemin’s ridiculously lavish penthouse. He just felt so out of place, like he was too much of a lowlife to be here. Which he was, in a way.

“Would you like dinner?” Jaemin asked from the kitchen just after Renjun had settled down on the couch. He had a glass of cold water in his hand.

“No, thanks. I’m still full.” Renjun offered Jaemin a small smile when he joined him on the couch.

Jaemin placed the glass onto the coffee table before snuggling close to Renjun, burying his head in the crook of his neck, eliciting giggles from the older boy. The locks of his pink hair were also tickling Renjun’s chin. “I thought you missed my cooking,” he said, lips still on the sensitive skin. Jaemin smiled when he felt Renjun shiver.

“Yeah, well, I can’t do anything about it if my stomach is full.” Renjun gazed deep into Jaemin’s eyes when the latter pulled away. He started noticing the littlest details about Jaemin after he stopped running away from his feelings. Things like how Jaemin’s eyelashes were very long and pretty, or the slight chip in one of his front teeth which didn’t make his smile any less perfect. Renjun found it endearing, even.

Jaemin hummed, leaning his head on Renjun’s shoulder. “What do you say about us finally putting my oven to good use and we bake cookies?”

“I say that’s a good idea.”

They ended up throwing flour at each other more than actually baking cookies, making a mess of the kitchen. It didn’t seem to bother Jaemin, though, as he lobbed another fistful of flour in Renjun’s direction, chuckling loudly, face just as powdered as Renjun’s was.

Renjun hopped from one foot to the other, shifting his weight onto his left foot as he dodged the attack without much effort. He retaliated by running towards Jaemin and smearing the flour on his hands onto the right side of the boy’s face.

“Stop it!” Jaemin yelled between a fit of giggles.

“Need I remind you that you were the one who started this?” Renjun’s voice came out weak and breathless as a result of too much laughing, his stomach starting to hurt.

“Okay, okay.” Jaemin embraced him tightly, preventing him from moving a muscle. “Let’s finally put the one batch of cookies we managed to make into the oven.”

This time, Renjun didn’t internally chastise himself when he felt his heart swell at the look of fascination on Jaemin’s face, eyes wide and listening intently as Renjun explained to him the function of each and every button on the oven. He also found the way Jaemin’s mouth formed a perfect ‘O’ shape adorable. “Jaemin, close your mouth. You’re gonna swallow a fly.”

Jaemin immediately shut his mouth at this, sucking his lip inwards momentarily before breaking into a smile. “Not before I eat these cookies.”

“Mhm, these cookies which you completely and unnecessarily dirtied my hoodie making,” Renjun retorted, tugging the oven mitts off his hands. He tossed them onto the table before fixing Jaemin a glare. “I can’t go home like this.”

Jaemin pouted, looking exactly like the emoji Donghyuck would text him whenever he wanted something from Renjun, and he absolutely hated how it brought the butterflies in his stomach to life. Renjun merely eyed him as Jaemin shuffled closer, softening just a bit.

“I’ll lend you one of my hoodies.” Jaemin then squealed. “You’re gonna look so cute in it, Injun!”

—

“It’s too big on me!”

“Like I said, you look cute!”

Renjun huffed as he rolled up the sleeves for the nth time, only for it to fall back down and cover his hands. “How am I supposed to eat the cookies like this?” he complained, setting the jar down.

The cushion dipped as Jaemin scooted closer towards him on the couch, grabbing a hold of Renjun’s arm. He then cuffed the sleeve of the shirt neatly and repeated the action several more times, stopping just above Renjun’s elbow. Jaemin grinned.

“Thanks,” he said softly. Renjun could physically feel himself blushing.

Clattering sounds came from the jar as Jaemin lifted it carelessly, the cookies hitting the jar as he moved around a lot before settling into a comfortable position, legs crossed. Jaemin stuck a hand in to take a piece and bit into it. “I can’t believe you don’t eat cookies with milk,” he said through a mouthful of cookie. Jaemin audibly swallowed the food down (the movement of his Adam’s apple catching Renjun’s attention, and he hoped Jaemin didn’t notice him staring openly at it). “I mean, milk really goes well with cookies, you know?”

Renjun blinked and forced himself to meet Jaemin’s gaze instead. “What– oh.” Renjun lightly smacked the side of his head. He really let Jaemin’s Adam’s apple put him in a daze, way to go, Huang Renjun. “I’m just– I just like banana milk more,” he stammered.

Jaemin seemed to mull over the information Renjun had just told him. Renjun took this opportunity to thumb away the crumbs on the corner of Jaemin’s mouth, giggling softly.

“What, so you just don’t drink other types of milk? Like fresh milk or chocolate milk?”

“No, not really.”

Jaemin’s brows knitted together. “Why?” he asked before popping the rest of his cookie into his mouth and pulled Renjun closer, gently pushing his head so that Renjun was leaning on his shoulder, in the crook of his neck.

“Dunno,” was all he said. He made grabby hands towards the cookie jar in Jaemin’s hand, sighing happily when he got to taste what they made at last. “I just grew up drinking only banana milk,” he said after swallowing.

“See, maybe if you drank fresh milk you would’ve been as tall as I am.” This earned Jaemin a pinch to his thigh and he yelped, rubbing at the sore spot.

Renjun still wasn’t satisfied with the assault so he hit Jaemin in the stomach for maximum effect, finally content at the grunt Jaemin let out. “What difference does it make? It’s still milk.”

“Geez, I’m just playing. But maybe fresh milk has more calcium compared to banana milk? I don’t know, I didn’t go to college.”

A loud laugh rumbled from Renjun’s chest and he pulled away to look at Jaemin. “Nana, you just don’t attend college, you’re not a high school dropout.”

Jaemin shrugged. “Might as well just be a high school dropout. I never focused in class anyway.” His face suddenly lit up. “Ah! Speaking of school, your favourite subject must’ve been art, right?”

Renjun gulped. He didn’t even go for middle school. “I guess.” He wiped his hand on his jeans. “Actually, I’ve always loved art. My mother was the one who introduced it to me when I was little, and I just grew to love it.” Renjun smiled as he recalled the fond memories of him painting his mother’s drawings, his small hand holding the brush in hers as she guided him. His mother finally taught him how to draw when he was able to hold a pencil correctly and since then, Renjun had never stopped. “I think I just have some kind of deep connection with art.”

Jaemin nodded, waiting for Renjun to continue his story. When he didn’t, Jaemin asked, “Do you still learn from her?”

There was a sad smile on Renjun’s face now. “No… because she’s not alive anymore.”

Jaemin’s eyes slowly widened as his lips parted in shock. “Oh, I… I’m sorry.”

“No, it’s fine. It’s been years now and I’m glad that her suffering has ended. She was really sick.” Renjun rested his head on Jaemin’s shoulder again, playing with the latter’s fingers. “She also used to buy me Moomin plushies and I slept with them every night. She told me they were there to protect me and even up till now, I believe it. But I lost most of them when I–” he stopped abruptly, almost slipping up and telling Jaemin the truth. “When I moved out… for college.”

Jaemin hummed. “What about your father?”

Renjun laughed bitterly. “I’ve never seen that dickhead ever since I was born.”

It was silent for a moment before Jaemin cackled. “So most fathers are just dickheads, huh? I had someone whom I looked up to as a father figure because my dad couldn’t be one for me but even he got taken away from me,” he confessed.

“What do you mean?” Renjun stretched a little as he sat up straight.

“My… my brother.”

Renjun’s ears perked up at this.

“I’m actually not allowed to talk about him but… you know what, fuck it.”

“Jaemin, I didn’t know you had a brother.” _Until Donghyuck told me_ , was what he wanted to add as well. “Why aren’t you allowed to talk about him?”

“Because my dad wants to cover up the fact that it was his fault that Jaehyun hyung died. The accident… was because of him. It was also like he wanted to forget about my brother completely.” Jaemin looked so crestfallen that it pained Renjun to see him like this.

“That’s… harsh. Do you know what happened?” Renjun questioned. He really wanted to know what actually went down, and if Jaemin knew Johnny.

“No. I don’t know what exactly happened that night. I just know it was because of my dad. Wait…” he seemed to realise something. Jaemin shifted in his seat, sitting up straighter. “How did I know that…?”

Renjun stayed quiet, watching as Jaemin dug deep into his brain, trying to find the memories of that night, which was understandably quite hard as it took place years ago. He placed a hand on top of Jaemin’s, hoping it would comfort him.

“I think someone told me,” he finally said.

“Someone?”

Jaemin placed the cookie jar onto the coffee table. “Not, like, face to face. I think I received an anonymous letter. Something like, ‘it was your father’, and that was it. Ominous, if you ask me.”

“It is,” agreed Renjun. “Was that all?”

“No, actually… I think it also said ‘I’ll come back for you’. What the fuck is that?” Jaemin rubbed at his arms. “I’m getting goosebumps just remembering it now. I can’t believe I forgot about that.”

Renjun might have a lead on who it might be, but it was like Jaemin didn’t. “Did you tell anyone else about the letter?”

Jaemin scoffed. “Of course not. Who would believe me with how the newspapers were saying it was Jaehyun hyung’s mistake? I don’t even know who it was from.”

“Perhaps someone who was close to your brother?” Renjun treaded carefully with his words, trying to make Jaemin connect the dots himself so it wouldn’t be suspicious as to how Renjun knew all of this.

However, Jaemin was clueless as ever, tilting his head, a puzzled look on his face. “What do you mean?”

“Well, like… maybe a lover?”

“A lover?” Jaemin’s eyebrows were going to stick together at this rate if he didn’t stop furrowing them soon. “I don’t really recall Jaehyun hyung having a lover. But then again, I was busy with school and he lived separately, so…”

It was futile. Renjun decided to drop the topic. “You miss him, don’t you?” he buried his head in the crevasse of Jaemin’s neck, feeling him move as he reached for something from the coffee table.

It was the picture frame Jaemin hid from him from the last time Renjun came over. He felt his heart stop. Jaemin looked younger than he did now, hugging a tall man who shared some similar facial features with him, almost like an older version of him but with dimples. He was pictured hugging Jaemin just as tight, clearly loving the boy with all his heart.

“I do.” Jaemin caressed Jaehyun’s face in the picture. “He used to play the piano for me when I felt sad.”

At the mention of piano, Renjun’s gaze flickered to the grand piano in the corner of the living room. “Is that…” he pointed to it, but was unable to complete his query.

“Yeah, that was his. Having it in my home feels like he’s still here with me.” Jaemin let out a sigh, one that sounded like it came deep from within him, from the broken pieces of his heart. “Funny how he would play the piano for me when I’m sad, but now that I feel sad he’s gone, who’s gonna play it for me?”

“Jaemin…” he could see tears welling up in the younger boy’s eyes and it was a sight he definitely loathed.

“I wish I could be with him.”

—

Logically speaking, if one says they want to be with someone who’s dead, it could only mean one thing – that they want to die. Right?

There was no other way around it and Renjun’s head was starting to hurt the more he pondered on it, observing the way Jaemin’s chest slowly rose and fell, him being fast asleep on Renjun’s lap after a good half hour of crying and Renjun trying to calm him down by singing lullabies his mother used to sing him when he was little.

From this close, he could see that Jaemin’s eyelashes were so, so long and pretty. He was the embodiment of a sleeping beauty, even with the dried up tear streaks on his cheeks.

Renjun gingerly lifted his head, moving away and placed Jaemin’s head carefully onto the cushion again. His gaze still lingered on the boy’s sleeping form as he stood up, reaching for something under his shirt (read: Jaemin’s hoodie). And when his hand grazed cool metal, his breath hitched.

He pulled out the gun that had been strapped to his waist the whole day, the firearm glinting under the light of the chandelier in the room. He pointed it to the unsuspecting Jaemin.

“Shit,” he cursed under his breath at the way his right hand shook terribly.

Renjun didn’t want to do it. He really didn’t.

But Johnny left him no choice, and Jaemin himself had said he wanted to be with his brother. Or maybe he didn’t actually mean it literally? Because there was no reason for someone innocent, someone who had done nothing wrong like Jaemin to die, especially for the cause of revenge.

Revenge for something that he didn’t even do. In fact, Jaemin hadn’t done anything at all.

But Jaemin hated life, right? Maybe Renjun could do him a favour and put him out of his suffering?

For a moment, that sounded like a good enough reason for him to pull the trigger. But that would only be a win for Johnny. What would Renjun benefit out of this?

_Money_ , his brain supplied helpfully. Money for killing the person he had feelings for. Did Renjun want that?

In hindsight, though, he was the one who brought this upon himself. Renjun was the one who foolishly fell for Jaemin instead of taking him out when he had the chance. This was all his fault. No one was to be blamed but Renjun only.

If only he hadn’t been too caught up in his feelings for Jaemin, this wouldn’t have happened. If only he hadn’t stalled in eliminating Jaemin, Donghyuck wouldn’t have had the chance to dig into Johnny’s past and discover the truth behind this mission, and Renjun wouldn’t have hesitated to pull the trigger. If only Jaemin wasn’t so charming, kindhearted and everything good…

But the ugly truth was that Jaemin had been doomed from the start ever since Johnny had laid eyes on him. There was no way out of this; either Renjun killed Jaemin and he received his pay, ending up with only a broken heart and memories of a certain pink haired boy, or he didn’t kill Jaemin, possibly resulting in the both of them being killed anyway.

None of the choices were appealing to Renjun but everything was in his hands now.

He gripped his right hand in an attempt to halt the trembling, but it was fruitless.

_What are you waiting for, Agent Huang?_

Renjun’s breath got stuck in his throat the moment he heard that familiar voice in his head once again. _I can’t_ , he replied.

_Target is in sight. He’s vulnerable. What are you waiting for, Agent Huang?_

He felt dizzy as he shook his head violently from left to right, gun still aimed towards Jaemin. _No, no… I can’t_. Tears were prickling at his eyes and he forcefully blinked them away. Renjun tried sucking in a breath to steady his rapid heartbeat but it only felt like his chest was constricted. He opened his mouth wider, still struggling to breathe, but it was like neither air came in nor went out his lungs.

_It might be hard pulling the trigger if you have feelings for the person._

His vision blurred, going in and out of focus when he finally registered the voice in his head to be none other than Johnny’s. He vaguely recalled the night Donghyuck had told him to not let Johnny get to his head over dinner, but yet here he was, with Johnny very much in his head, about to kill Jaemin.

Jaemin who was sleeping soundly, oblivious to the world, oblivious to the fact that Renjun had a gun pointed to his head.

_What are you waiting for, Agent Huang?_

Renjun clenched his jaw. _No, no, no_ –

_You’re getting paid to put a bullet through his brain. Put a bullet through his brain. Put a bullet through his brain._

He fingered the trigger with much difficulty, just as much as a trembling hand would allow.

_Put a bullet through his brain. Put a bullet through his brain. Put a–_

Jaemin mumbled something incoherent in his sleep, moving slightly.

_Put a bullet through his brain. Put a bullet–_

Renjun inched his index finger backwards. Jaemin was still in deep slumber.

_Bullet. Through. His. Brain._

He shut his eyes tightly, pulling his finger backwards, and backwards, until–

Renjun snapped his eyes open and staggered backwards, retracting his hand so quick he would dislocate his shoulder, finally able to breathe, finally out of his trance. His heart was still pounding ruthlessly against his rib cage and he could hear the blood rushing through his ears.

“What have I done? What was I thinking? What was I going to do?”

He didn’t pause to think of answers for those questions, dashing for the front door instead and put on his shoes hastily, leaving Jaemin for the night.

—

“You sure you want another shot?”

“Very.”

The handsome bartender who looked to be around his age grimaced. “That’s gonna be your eleventh. Did you just go through a breakup or something?”

Renjun only laughed, flourishing his shot glass in front of the boy, asking for it to be refilled. “You can say that,” he slurred. He was starting to feel lightheaded, but was still determined to finish one whole bottle of the strongest drink they had in the place.

Earlier, he was running and running to wherever his feet would take him, giving no fucks about the strain in his legs, roughly wiping his tears away, furious at himself. He couldn’t believe what he did, what he _almost_ did, hating himself for actually even thinking of killing Jaemin.

He found himself at the bar where he used to frequent with his friends when they weren’t as busy, spending Friday nights getting wasted. And tonight, Renjun was doing just that.

“What’s your name?” he asked when the bartender handed him his drink. “Let’s be friends.” He then downed it in one go, relishing in the burn sliding down his throat for the nth time that night, before sliding the glass across the counter towards the boy.

“I doubt you’ll remember me tomorrow.” He took the glass and refilled it nonetheless. “I’m Lucas.”

“Nice to meet you, Lucas.” Renjun extended a hand, but it was the one holding the glass, so he ended up spilling some drops of whiskey onto the counter. “Sorry.” He held out his left hand instead. “I’m Renjun,” he introduced himself with a lopsided grin, not waiting for Lucas to shake his hand before downing his drink again. He shoved the glass towards the boy.

“Well, Renjun, I think you should head home unless you plan on dying of alcohol poisoning. But I’d rather you do that somewhere else because–”

“Hey, Lucas!” a booming voice came from the side, startling both Renjun and Lucas. Renjun only looked on curiously, unable to make out a clear face, his vision starting to spin. “I’m gonna head home first. See you tomorrow.” The man said and clapped Lucas on the back before going on his way.

“See you, Hendery!” Lucas called out to the man’s retreating figure and returned to Renjun, grim. “Because I’m gonna be working alone for another hour, and I don’t know how I’m gonna handle the death of a customer all by myself. Do you want me to be traumatised?”

Renjun blinked, trying to process the words, and looked questioningly towards his empty shot glass that Lucas had yet to replenish.

Lucas grabbed the glass with a deep sigh. “Fine, this is the last one, okay? Then I’ll help you call someone, or I’ll call a cab for you if you’d like.”

He hummed absentmindedly, Lucas’ words going into one ear and out the other, staring at the liquid in his glass in awe. Renjun bent down and poked out his tongue, sticking it into the drink. “Ew.”

“Renjun, is there someone I can call?” Lucas sounded exasperated.

“I guess you could call my roommate.” He fished for his phone from his back pocket, giving it to the bartender.

“What’s your passcode?”

“My birthday,” answered Renjun like it was the most obvious thing in the world and that Lucas was stupid.

“Yeah, well. I’m gonna need to have you tell it to me specifically because we just became friends fifteen minutes ago, so I still don’t know your birthday.”

Renjun pursed his lips and then tapped on his chin, thinking hard. If nobody knew better, they would think he was figuring out the meaning of life. “Ah, the passcode is 230300.”

“Okay, wonderful,” Lucas said after keying in the digits. “And your roommate’s name is?”

“Lee Donghyuck.”

Lucas’ eyebrows drew together as he scrolled through Renjun’s contacts, finding for the given name. “I’m afraid I don’t see any Lee Donghyuck in here.”

“Huh? What about ‘Hyuck’?”

Lucas shook his head.

“‘Hyuckie’?”

“Nope.”

Renjun drained the contents of his shot glass, frustrated. He clicked his tongue when he saw the look Lucas gave him as he was about to ask for another refill. “Can you read out all my contacts, then?”

Lucas cleared his throat as though he was about to give a speech as the president of the student council. “‘10’, ‘Boss’, ‘Lele’, ‘Markgeolli’, ‘Nana’, ‘Sheep’, ‘Stoner hyung’, ‘Stupid ugly annoying fucking brat’, ‘Taeil hyung’, ‘TY hyung’–”

“Aha!” Renjun exclaimed, snapping his fingers. “It’s ‘Stupid ugly–’”

“On it,” Lucas cut him off, dialing Donghyuck’s number so he didn’t have to deal with Renjun’s shit anymore. “Hello? Is this Lee Donghyuck? Your roommate Renjun here has had too much to drink and I don’t wanna accidentally kill him so can you please come pick him up at The Vision Bar? Oh, you can come in five minutes? Perfect, I look forward to you picking him up. Would you like a plastic bag as well just in case he throws up–” he retracted the phone from his ear, examining the phone screen, eyebrows flying up. “Huh. He hung up.”

Renjun pocketed the device after Lucas put it in his hand and then grabbed his shot glass. “Can I–”

“No more drinks until your roommate arrives,” said Lucas sternly.

“What, so we can get wasted together?” Renjun beamed.

“Oh God… I’m gonna send my resignation letter to Kun.”

He didn’t know when it happened, when he blacked out, but the next moment he was aware of his surroundings, Donghyuck was shaking him awake, a string of curses past his lips as he slung Renjun’s arm around his shoulders, motioning for him to get up. He was nagging Renjun, that much he could tell, but he couldn’t make out anything Donghyuck was saying, obediently standing on his feet and swaying a little, almost losing balance if not for Donghyuck, following his friend out the bar.

He turned around to find Lucas still looking his way. “Bye, Lucas! I’ll see you soon.” He waved enthusiastically.

“You know what, Renjun?”

Donghyuck stopped in his tracks, letting the two boys say their goodbyes.

Lucas continued, “I think you should lay off the alcohol for a bit. So, maybe don’t see me too soon?”

“Then don’t miss me too much!”

—

“What the fuck were you doing?” Donghyuck spat angrily after fastening Renjun’s seatbelt for him.

“Whose car is this?” Renjun asked instead.

“I stole it,” Donghyuck replied casually like it wasn’t a big deal. “Well?”

The elephant in the room was ignored as Renjun squinted his eyes at Donghyuck, scrutinising, taking in the state he was in. “Why do you look like shit? Why do you have scratches all over your face?”

“This isn’t about me, Renjun. What the fuck were you doing drinking almost twenty shots in a bar after your date with Jaemin? Did you break up? Wait, were you even together?”

“Hold on…” Renjun held his head. “My head hurts.”

“Huang Renjun, if you throw up, I will literally drive us into the Han River and have us drown,” threatened Donghyuck.

“Can you shut up for a second?!” Renjun raised his voice.

Donghyuck spared him one last glance, buckling himself up before starting the ignition and driving, giving the space Renjun wanted.

The silence was deafening, and the ringing sound wouldn’t leave his ears, so Renjun opened his mouth. “At his home just now,” he started, voice small, “I tried to kill him. I had my gun aimed at him and all.”

“What?” the question came out as a hiss.

“But he was asleep,” he added quickly before Donghyuck could throw more questions at him. “I didn’t have it in me to pull the trigger, though… and I felt so bad that the thought of actually killing him crossed my mind, so I went to the bar.”

“So you went to the bar hoping to erase the fact that you almost pulled the trigger on Jaemin,” Donghyuck said, neither a statement nor a question. It was something in between, too complicated for Renjun’s hazy mind to comprehend.

“Yeeeaahh,” Renjun drawled.

A sigh left Donghyuck’s mouth, his eyes on the road. “Renjun, I know your alcohol tolerance is quite high but… that’s an unhealthy coping mechanism. We both had a very long day, and if anything, the one who should be drinking their problems away is me.”

“Everybody needs to let loose sometimes.”

“No. I literally lost my brother.”

“God, is tonight the night where everyone tells me the sob story of their older brothers?” It was the intoxicated part of Renjun speaking. Clearly he hadn’t thoroughly processed the meaning of Donghyuck’s sentence. “Where did Taeil hyung go? Ask him to come back.”

Donghyuck was silent for a moment. “I hope he went to heaven.”

“What?!” Renjun shot forward in his seat, looking bug eyed at Donghyuck. “What? Donghyuck, what?”

“I’m gonna start crying again if you ask me anything.”

“It’s okay to cry. It doesn’t make you any less of a man.”

“Renjun, for fuck’s sake, I don’t need any of your drunken pep talks.”

Renjun sniffed distastefully, leaning back against the seat. “I’m not drunk.”

“Pfft, that’s what they all say.” Donghyuck drummed his fingers on the steering wheel, a habit Renjun noticed he did whenever he felt anxious.

He reached out a hand and placed it onto Donghyuck’s thigh. “I told you what happened tonight. Could you please tell me what happened today, too?”

—

It was only after Donghyuck had force fed Renjun five glasses of water, tucked him into bed next, placing his Moomin plushie onto Renjun’s chest that he decided to open up, sitting at the corner of Renjun’s bed. He was asked to join Renjun under the covers but Donghyuck had declined, saying that he was still disgusting, covered in sweat and dried blood.

He’d forgotten how stubborn Renjun could be and had no choice but to follow when the older boy tugged him forwards until he landed on the soft mattress, pulling the blanket over their bodies, hugging Donghyuck close.

He started to retell the events of today upon being told to do so, sobbing and choking up when it became too hard for him to bear the pain of remembering the tragedy, words failing him occasionally. “The mission today… they got him,” he had started the story with.

Donghyuck appreciated the way Renjun would give his hand reassuring squeezes whenever he unintentionally let weak cries escape his mouth amidst his talking, whispering encouragements to him while drying his tears with the sleeve of the hoodie that was too big on him, telling Donghyuck that it was okay, that he was fine with Renjun now, to take his time to calm his breathing. He really didn’t know what he would do without Renjun.

“Hyuck…” his roommate said after he’d finished, worrying his bottom lip between his teeth, pushing away the strands of hair covering Donghyuck’s eyes. “I’m so sorry. I don’t know what else to say but that. I can’t really think right now, honestly.”

Donghyuck laughed weakly, voice raw from too much crying. “Of course you can’t, silly. You drank too much.”

“But your story doesn’t quite add up.”

The Moomin plushie situated between them was removed by Donghyuck, being placed on the nightstand so he could see Renjun’s face clearly. “What, about how I stole one of the cars from the mansion that I just blew up with two people inside to drive to some woods I found on Google Maps so I could burn my dead brother’s body?”

Even when he was slightly (or a lot) tipsy, Renjun could tell it was rather too soon to make such jokes. He pulled a face, expressing discomfort. “No, not that. Were you warned beforehand that the targets would be armed and are dangerous? And isn’t it sketchy how it was like they were prepared to see you both walk into the place? You said they were hiding, right? Did you tell Mr Seo?”

“Johnny hyung wasn’t picking up the phone for some reason. I tried to reach him multiple times earlier. And…” Donghyuck trailed off, scratching his head, only now noticing the missing parts of his story, plot holes that made it incomplete. “You’re right, Injun. There wasn’t anything written on the folder Johnny hyung gave me.”

Renjun yawned, putting one arm over Donghyuck and pulling him closer, snuggling into his chest. “The last time that happened to me, look where I ended up. My target turned out to be innocent,” his voice came out muffled.

“What are you implying?” Donghyuck carded his fingers through Renjun’s silver locks above the nape and rested his head atop his roommate’s.

Times like these were very rare, where they held each other so close, their banters set aside. Donghyuck was sure they would both recoil in disgust under normal circumstances, choosing to have at least ten centimetres of space between them. It wasn’t that they were strangers to physical affection; Renjun and Donghyuck just got along by bickering with each other, in which they knew it translated to “I love you” in their own language.

“Well,” Renjun’s voice was barely above a whisper then, the boy already on the brink of sleep. “I’m just saying that maybe…”

Silence.

Donghyuck gently shook Renjun awake. “Maybe what? Finish your sentence before falling asleep on me, goddamnit.”

Renjun blinked drowsily up at him. “What? Oh, maybe there’s actually more to this assignment than meets the eye. It’s weird how Mr Seo insisted that _you_ go on the field for this mission, isn’t it?”

Donghyuck was dumbfounded to say the least. He felt as though he’d been blindsided by Johnny despite having kept an eye on him constantly, from the day the man started being all buddy-buddy with Taeil, obviously trying to win his brother’s heart. Something didn’t feel right about Johnny, but Donghyuck couldn’t really put his finger on it.

One thing he was good at, though, was acquiring intel. He succeeded in discovering Johnny’s true intentions behind the whole Jaemin mission, finding out about Jaemin’s past as well in the process. Maybe if he dug a little more deeper he would find the truth about today’s mission, and finally, the truth behind the mask Johnny had on as the head of the organisation.

He was left alone with his thoughts as light snores came from Renjun.

—

Renjun regretted a lot of things in life.

One of the few instances was when he would wake up in bed with his head feeling like it had been split into two. Just like this morning.

A few curses and a groan left his lips as he sat up, his head pounding like it had never before. Renjun buried his face in his hands, breathing in deeply in hopes it would make the pain go away.

He couldn’t remember much from last night, but somehow still had the feeling that something was out of place as he looked to the empty side of his bed, cold.

Did Donghyuck accompany him for the night or was that only a dream?

The sheets were crumpled, but then again it could’ve possibly been a result of Renjun moving around in his sleep… was what he thought until his eyes landed on a piece of paper placed underneath his Moomin plushie on the nightstand.

He almost wretched even when all he did was shift on his bed just the slightest to reach the note, his headache increasing tenfold. “Jesus.” Renjun finally grabbed the paper when he was sure he wasn’t about to throw up all over his bed sheets, retrieving his plushie as well.

_Went to work. Don’t bother coming in today, I’ll tell Johnny hyung you came down with a fever. Your liver probably hates you after the shit you pulled last night, so for the love of God, please stop drinking for a while. I also made you soup. It’s in the kitchen, just heat it up, yeah? I also left you some aspirin. Drink lots and lots of water or I’ll kill you._

_And thanks for last night. Love you._  
_– LDH_

“Huh.” Not very Donghyuck-like to openly tell Renjun he loved him. Renjun folded the paper, tossing it so that it landed in the corner of his room.

He only remembered bits and pieces of last night’s events. Trying to recollect it was like attempting to crack open a rock – useless. Renjun wasn’t quite sure what Donghyuck was thanking him for, but it must’ve been equivalent to him saving a country because his roommate had just told him he loved Renjun, which never really happened. Regardless, he knew Donghyuck still loved him deep down.

He could only recall what took place before he decided to get shitfaced at the bar and it was not very pretty. He wished it never happened. The guilt was eating at him from the inside once more and he wanted to scream.

Renjun carefully laid down lest he suddenly vomited, sucking in a deep breath as he shut his eyes, blowing out the air through his mouth.

One would think it was funny how he had killed countless people ever since he signed the contract when he first joined the agency at the age of thirteen, but felt the worst the one time he spared one of his targets’ life, and the reason wasn’t even because he failed to complete his mission. Rather, it was because the mere (ugly) thought of terminating Jaemin, someone so kindhearted and pure, someone who wouldn’t even harm a fly, crossed his mind.

He couldn’t do this anymore. Renjun couldn’t stand to hide the truth from Jaemin, but he didn’t know how to come clean either.

Perhaps the most important thing he should do first was to find a way out and have a talk with Johnny. This time, he wouldn’t mind stooping so low and asking Donghyuck to help him. As long as it meant that Johnny wouldn’t have his head for not killing someone innocent that was Jaemin.

But then, what was Renjun going to do after all of that?

In the case that he actually managed to convince Johnny to let go of the grudge he held against Jaemin’s father (in which the outlook wasn’t too good, by the way), what was he going to do next? Surely he couldn’t be with Jaemin anymore.

Because then, he’d have to reveal to Jaemin about who he really was.

Not to mention the unthinkable way of how Johnny was going to react to the fact that Renjun and Donghyuck – mostly Donghyuck, though – had discovered his dark secret.

“God, Jesus Christ, fuck,” Renjun cursed. He’d done too much thinking, which just worsened his hangover. Now, it felt like someone was banging his head from the inside. “I’m never gonna drink agai–” His hand flew to his mouth when he felt bile rising to his throat.

The urge to throw up was too strong this time, so he lifted himself off the bed and hurried to the bathroom, kneeling on the tiles and bent over the toilet, letting out all the contents of his stomach. He heaved.

“I want to die. I want to fucking die.” Renjun wiped his mouth using the back of his hand.

There was no better way to pass the time when you have a splitting headache other than painting. Though sleeping was an option, Renjun was sure to get nightmares of last night if he did.

So, he was now sitting before a blank canvas in the living room after taking a hot, relaxing shower and drinking the soup Donghyuck made for him, along with the painkillers, and throwing a tantrum in the kitchen because there was only one bottle of banana milk left in the fridge – everything in that exact order. The house was filled with the melodious sound of Renjun humming to the tune of some girl group song his roommate always played, trying to recall the twilight by the beach he saw yesterday with Jaemin.

With a palette in one hand and a watercolour tube in the other, he slowly squeezed out the paint of the colours he needed – pink, yellow, blue and purple. He figured these colours would blend well together. Renjun dipped his brush in a jar of water and applied it onto the canvas before starting his work.

Simple was what he was aiming for, wanting to just mix these colours together and hope it would turn out like the scenery from yesterday. He didn’t think he’d be able to produce something with a high artistic value with a terrible hangover after all.

Memories of Jaemin’s pink hair, pretty eyes, bright smile and giggles that put angels singing to shame under the beautiful sky came flooding Renjun’s mind, and it felt vivid as though he were reliving the moment. He could almost smell the seawater and feel the course sand underneath his fingertips as he made swift flicks with his wrist, the once dull and white canvas turning lively and colourful.

Renjun was adding in little details like the hint of a constellation – the Big Dipper – one hour later, and he barely finished the painting when the doorbell rang. His hand holding the brush fell to his side as he whipped his head towards the door, wary, lips parting in surprise. He looked to the grandfather clock standing in the corner of the living room and furrowed his brows.

Donghyuck usually never returned home by 3pm. Renjun would know, because the both of them got off work at the same time, the earliest being 6 in the evening. Plus, if it was Donghyuck at the door, why would he be ringing the doorbell if he had the key to the apartment?

Renjun placed his paintbrush into the water and stood up from the stool, setting the canvas aside and reminded himself of where he kept his knife and gun collection in his bedroom. His gaze flitted towards the cabinet where Donghyuck told him he kept the steak knife in the kitchen for emergencies, slowly making his way to the door, heart picking up in pace.

And when he finally opened the door, the hand gripping the doorknob went slack as his heart stopped beating altogether the moment he saw the person at the doorstep. Renjun felt like his heart was about to jump out of his throat as he tried to maintain a calm composure, finding his voice.

“Jaemin?”

The boy smiled. “Hi, Injun.”

—

“Why are you not sad over this?”

“What are you talking about, Hyuckie?”

Donghyuck let out an incredulous gasp, looking at Johnny with wide eyes. The man seemed unbothered, staring back at him with a bored expression on his face, propping one elbow onto the desk and resting his head in his palm. Usually, while having a conversation, Donghyuck noticed that Johnny would be playing with the small potted plant that he knew Taeil gifted him.

But now, the lavender was absent on Johnny’s table, just like how Taeil was absent from their lives.

“Hyung, I… I literally just told you the story of how my brother went down in yesterday’s mission, and I had to fucking burn his body because… I don’t know. I just didn’t think I’m supposed to bring a dead body back to the agency?” Donghyuck could physically feel his heart shattering into pieces everytime he retold the story. It pained him even more that his late brother’s boyfriend seemed nonchalant about his death. “So I thought burning his body would be at least a proper funeral for him somehow…”

Only a low hum sounded from Johnny’s throat, as if Donghyuck’s story was a boring History lesson. “Yes, that you’ve told me.”

“Hyung…” Donghyuck’s voice wavered as tears blurred his vision. “My brother fucking died. Your _boyfriend_ fucking died! Why didn’t you pick up my fucking calls yesterday?!”

Johnny sighed heavily. “I was busy with work, okay? Donghyuck, if you came here to throw a hissy fit, I think it’s best that you leave. People come and go in life–”

He hastily wiped his tears away before they could fall. “Did you even _love_ Taeil hyung?”

Johnny ignored him and continued talking. “I’m sure you have better things to be doing, like seeing Agent Ten for some combat training or something–”

“Or better yet, I see Agent Lee Taeyong?”

At this, Johnny shut his mouth, eyes turning dark upon hearing the name. He then quickly schooled his expression into that of indifference. “I don’t know why you’d want to see him. You know how to use a gun and a grenade just fine, no?”

Donghyuck barked out a forced laughter at the mention of a grenade. “Johnny hyung, you think of me so lowly. Has it ever occurred to you that there’s a possibility I know more about you than you’re aware?”

Johnny shot up from his chair, bending down over the desk so that he was on eye level with Donghyuck, face mere inches away, gaze threatening. “Do you now, Hyuckie?”

Donghyuck didn’t back down, holding Johnny’s stare. His voice was a low whisper when he said, “I know everything I need to know about you.”

Johnny smirked, sitting back down in his leather chair. “I bet you don’t know that I’m planning to send you on another mission.”

Donghyuck’s face fell, the blood leaving his face. “Wh-what? But–”

“Since you’ve proven yourself yesterday by wiping out both of your enemies with a grenade.” Johnny waved a dismissive hand. “Maybe you should start going on the field again.”

Donghyuck’s breathing was shaky. Johnny was completely disregarding his feelings, his trauma, not even giving him time to recover from the passing of his brother, who was also Johnny’s _boyfriend_.

He also hadn’t mentioned to Johnny about him using a grenade yesterday.

—

“What are you doing here? How did you know where I live?”

“Um, I sent you home that one night, remember?”

Renjun felt silly at Jaemin’s question. Well, to be fair, he was still suffering from a hangover, kind of. “Oh, that’s right.”

“Yeah.” Jaemin ruffled Renjun’s silver locks. “You look sick. You okay?”

Renjun was _not_ telling Jaemin about how he went and drank almost twenty shots of whiskey last night because he wanted to forget the fact that he nearly killed Jaemin. “I’m just… a bit sick. Anyway, the reason you came here is because?”

“What, you’re not even gonna invite me inside?” Jaemin pouted.

He swallowed. It wasn’t like there were things in the apartment that shouldn’t be seen by Jaemin, but being alone with the boy in his house was doing things to Renjun’s heart and he didn’t need it to pound just as hard as his head was. “My place isn’t as nice as yours,” said Renjun timidly.

“Oh, silly Injunnie.” Jaemin cupped his cheeks and leaned forwards to plant a kiss onto Renjun’s forehead, and it suddenly felt like he had never woken up with a hangover this morning. “I didn’t come here to judge the aesthetic of your place, baby. I came here to talk to you.”

Renjun flushed and took hold of Jaemin’s wrists, slowly pulling the boy’s hands away from his face, but never letting go, lacing their fingers together. “You could’ve just given me a call, Nana.”

Jaemin chuckled. “I wanted to see you.”

“FaceTime?”

“I wanna see you face to face and talk to you, so please? Let me in?”

Renjun gave in and finally stepped aside, allowing Jaemin to enter. He locked the door behind him and watched anxiously as the pink haired boy walked further inside the apartment and into the living room.

A gasp was heard and Renjun made his way to stand beside Jaemin.

“You made this?” Jaemin asked, looking stunned at the painting Renjun had just finished.

He wanted to scream at the way Jaemin was marvelling at his work as if it was painted by Vincent van Gogh himself. A part of him felt proud, though. “Donghyuck is a shitty artist so, yeah. I did it.”

“Oh right, where’s your roommate?” Jaemin questioned as he plopped down on the sofa.

“He had some stuff to attend to.” Renjun was still standing up in the room, fiddling nervously with his fingers.

Jaemin nodded. “It’s really pretty. Like the sunset we saw yesterday.”

Renjun couldn’t stop himself from giggling. “That’s because it is, idiot.”

“Oh.” Jaemin came to a realisation as he looked at the painting, then at Renjun. “Well, Picasso, why’re you still standing there?”

“I was wondering if you’d like something to drink?”

“Nope.” Jaemin shook his head, beckoning him to sit down. “No, thanks. C’mere.”

Renjun could feel his heart thumping loudly in his chest as he took careful steps towards the boy, hands going cold. He couldn’t even look Jaemin in the eye due to the remorse creeping up his neck. He finally sat himself down, leaving just a tiny space between them.

Jaemin frowned. “Are you okay?”

“I just have a headache. And, uh… I haven’t washed your hoodie yet, sorry.”

“I haven’t washed yours either. It’s still back at my place, covered in flour. Almost like I could bake it.”

Renjun didn’t laugh at the joke, gaze still cast downwards. He bit his bottom lip before asking, “So, what’d you want to talk about?”

“Ah.” Jaemin leaned back comfortably against the couch. “I wanted to thank you for last night.”

An embarrassing squeak left his mouth as Jaemin took his hands in his. They were still as warm as when Renjun had first held them.

“For comforting me and even putting me to sleep.”

_Putting me to sleep_.

The phrase left a bad taste in Renjun’s mouth, even worse than the alcohol he consumed at the bar the night prior.

“It’s no big deal,” he replied, eyes now focused on the palette in which the paint was starting to dry up and the water jar he left on the coffee table.

Jaemin’s voice was a lot more softer this time. “Why’d you leave?”

Renjun finally made eye contact. “You wanted me to stay?”

“Well.” Jaemin cocked his head to the side. “That would’ve been nice,” he said with a grin.

_God knows what would’ve happened if I actually stayed, Jaemin._

“Sorry,” Renjun apologised for the second time that day, because he really meant it from the bottom of his heart. He would get onto his knees for Jaemin just to beg for his forgiveness. But he knew Jaemin wouldn’t ever want to forgive him if he knew the truth. “I just didn’t feel well so I headed home.”

Jaemin tugged him forward to get a closer look on Renjun. “You’re okay now, right?”

“Yes, Jaemin,” Renjun groaned. “Just a headache.”

“I don’t know, Injun. Your eyes are bloodshot.”

“Someone’s observant,” Renjun remarked as he scooted backwards, putting some space between them, which clearly displeased Jaemin. “What about you?” he asked before the younger boy could say anything about his weird behaviour.

Jaemin clicked his tongue and puffed out his cheeks. “Never been better, thanks to you.”

Renjun hummed, darting out his tongue to lick at his lips. They always managed to dry up whenever he felt apprehensive, and that was inconvenient. “I didn’t do much.”

“Please, you did a lot,” Jaemin rebutted.

_Yeah, a lot of bad things_ , Renjun wanted to say.

“Jaemin, I have something to tell you,” was what he said instead.

He didn’t miss the way Jaemin’s gaze flickered to his lips before looking back up to meet his eyes. “I have something to tell you, too.” He had said it with such urgency that Renjun’s heart dropped to his stomach. Jaemin beamed. “On the count of three?”

With his lips sealed shut, Renjun nodded solemnly, expression grave.

So, Jaemin took it upon himself to count down. “Three, two, one…”

“I’m an assassin,” Renjun admitted at the same time Jaemin confessed, “I love you.”

They stared at each other dumbly, and ironically, the silence was the loudest thing in the living room at the moment.

“What?” Jaemin finally said.

“You heard me, Jaemin.”

Jaemin was quiet, mouth opening and closing, before he took a deep breath. “I think I heard wrong?” His tone was hopeful and Renjun wanted to punch himself for breaking Jaemin’s heart, because Jaemin didn’t deserve this. Jaemin didn’t deserve anything bad in the world. He didn’t deserve to be targeted by his late brother’s boyfriend who wanted revenge on his father.

Jaemin did nothing wrong, but yet here he was, being told the bad news, having the whole world crash down on him.

He laughed, sounding painfully forced. “It’s a joke, right? Renjun, tell me it’s a joke. Maybe you’re just pulling an April Fool’s joke on me in the middle of April… because you’re a prankster? You love pranks, right? You’re pulling my leg?”

“No, Jaemin, I’m not.” Renjun’s voice was barely above a whisper then, but Jaemin heard it loud and clear because it was very quiet, too quiet. “You’re my target, Jaemin. I was assigned to kill you…”

Seeing the look of confusion, hurt, betrayal, horror, shock and many more emotions he couldn’t put a name to flash through Jaemin’s face had his stomach twisting unpleasantly, and the guilt was too much that Renjun felt like he was going to be sick, and it wasn’t because of his hangover. If he felt like shit earlier, the feeling definitely amplified now, but emotionally, adding to the mix and there was nothing left in his body but dread.

A single tear rolled down Jaemin’s cheek as his voice came out so weak, so unlike him, so anguished. “Why…?”

Renjun wanted so badly to wipe the tear away, wanted to tell Jaemin that everything was okay, he was okay, wanted to explain everything but Jaemin beat him to it.

He scoffed. “So everything was fake?” This time, Jaemin’s tone was harsh, every word he spat stabbing Renjun in the heart.

“Jaemin–”

“Everything you said to me, everything we did, _us_ – was a lie? It meant nothing to you? That was your plan, wasn’t it? So you could get closer to me and then kill me? Is that it, Renjun?” Jaemin’s eyes held so much hatred in them, and even through tears, his gaze still managed to pierce through Renjun’s soul, shattering his heart.

It was too much to bear so he tore his gaze away from Jaemin’s. Renjun wanted the floor to open up and swallow him whole just so he could go to hell. Then again, hell wouldn’t feel too bad because right now, Renjun thought his life was already a living hell.

What could possibly be worse compared to the person you loved glaring at you with so much hurt and anger?

But he also wanted to come clean. He couldn’t blame Jaemin for reacting that way, so he sucked it up and started to talk. “If I were brutally honest, Jaemin,” he said, voice almost inaudible, afraid that if he spoke any louder Jaemin might run away, “I’ve been trying to kill you.”

The sob that left Jaemin’s lips was heart wrenching.

“In fact,” Renjun looked up to meet Jaemin’s eyes, “I had even tried to kill you last night when you were asleep,” he revealed.

More tears streamed down Jaemin’s cheeks and Renjun had to avert his gaze before his body moved on its own accord and dried up the boy’s tears, pulling him into a tight embrace, whispering sweet words into his ear.

Because Jaemin surely wouldn’t want him to. He was probably scared of Renjun, thinking about how he was a murderer, or many other bad thoughts about Renjun he had running through his mind. And Jaemin also most probably despised Renjun, too.

“But I didn’t, Jaemin,” Renjun continued. “I didn’t.” He took notice of the younger boy’s trembling hands before he braved himself to maintain eye contact, hoping to express sincerity so Jaemin would believe him when he said, “I couldn’t bring myself to do it, because I love you, Jaemin.”

At this, Jaemin shook his head vehemently, causing more tears to escape. “No–”

“Jaemin, I do!” he was desperate now. “I swear my feelings for you were real!”

“Renjun, no.” Jaemin stood up abruptly and staggered a bit before he moved to step away from Renjun, shoulders shaking as he cried some more.

“It wasn’t meant to happen, but I still fell in love with you anyway.” Renjun lifted himself off the couch as well, standing before Jaemin in case the boy wanted to bolt for the front door.

“No, no. Renjun, stop.” Jaemin took a step backwards when Renjun came closer.

He stopped in his tracks. Renjun wouldn’t hesitate to throw away his pride and start begging if it meant that Jaemin wasn’t going to hate him or run away from him. “Jaemin, _please_ , let me explain.”

“No!”

It was almost as if they were having a staring contest, both boys just looking at each other unblinking, no words exchanged between them, only Jaemin’s sobs and sniffles filling the room.

“Are you gonna kill me now?”

“Wha– I can’t! I love you, Jaem–”

“Liar!” Jaemin yelled.

Renjun heaved out a deep sigh. He just wanted to make Jaemin _see_. “I do love you.” His heart sank when Jaemin stepped backwards as he moved forwards. “If you’d just let me explain–”

“Bullshit. Renjun, just– _please_.”

He couldn’t tell what it was that Jaemin wanted him to do, unable to decipher the meaning behind his pleading eyes, glossed over with tears. “No, Jaemin, _listen_ –”

“I’m _not_ listening. Renjun, you lied to me–”

“I didn’t!”

“You wanted to _kill_ me!”

“But I couldn’t! Jaemin, please–”

“No,” said Jaemin firmly.

Renjun took another step towards Jaemin only for the latter to move backwards. “Jaemin, you don’t understand.”

“What do I not understand?! You already made it clear that you want to kill me!”

“I _don’t_ , Jaemin. Listen to me!”

“No, stop it, Renjun. I’ve had enough. I don’t want to hear any of your lies anymore.”

Tears of frustration were prickling at Renjun’s eyes, and he blinked them away. Sure, lying and deception were his best traits, and that was how Renjun managed to get Jaemin in the first place, and that was also how they ended up where they were now, in the living room of Renjun’s apartment, arguing.

But, Renjun wasn’t lying at all. None of the things he’d said to Jaemin ever since he confessed was a lie.

Renjun truly loved Jaemin, and it tremendously hurt that Jaemin didn’t believe him, not giving him the opportunity to explain himself or the situation.

Would it still be worth it if he got to talk to Johnny about letting Jaemin live if Jaemin himself didn’t want to have anything to do with Renjun anymore?

He had to tell Jaemin the truth. It was now or never. “Jaemin, it’s–”

“Shut up!”

“No, it’s your br–”

“Shut up, Renjun!”

Renjun ran a hand through his silver hair, frustrated. Jaemin’s hardheadedness just made him want to punch the wall.

He took big strides towards the boy. “You don’t fucking understand–”

Everything suddenly seemed to be in slow motion as Jaemin made to avoid Renjun by taking a step backwards, eyes widening as he accidentally tripped on one of the paintbrushes lying on the floor that Renjun had forgotten to put away. Jaemin’s arms flailed as he had nothing to hold onto to stop his fall, mouth parting in a silent scream, too shocked to let out a sound.

Between the coffee table and Renjun, which one would get to Jaemin first?

Renjun, however, was trained to always be quick on his feet and have fast reflexes, so he zoomed towards Jaemin, barely succeeded in catching him by the waist before the boy could hit his head on the table, resulting in a concussion or worse – snapping his neck.

He could see the way Jaemin’s long eyelashes were sticking together in some parts from his tears, and he could also feel Jaemin’s rapid heartbeat through his shirt this close.

Jaemin shoved him away harshly like Renjun was disgusting before he had a chance to speak. “I can’t believe you’ve done this,” he muttered. “You’re impossible, Renjun.”

That was all Jaemin said before he walked out the front door, slamming it shut behind him and leaving a despondent Renjun alone.

—

“I’m back!”

Donghyuck was greeted by silence instead. He shrugged to himself, toeing off his shoes and placing them neatly onto the shoe rack, one hand carrying a plastic bag filled with bottles of banana milk for his roommate because he knew there was only one left in the fridge and Renjun was going to go nuts if he didn’t get his daily fix of the drink.

It wasn’t unusual for Renjun to go out. The boy could take care of himself just fine.

That was what Donghyuck believed until he saw the mess of a living room he just walked into, to the point that he had thought he’d walked into the wrong apartment. He did, right? He had to. There was no way this was the apartment he shared with his best friend, with shredded papers strewn about on the carpeted floor, dents on the wall which seemed to be the result of a punch, broken chairs and plates in the kitchen and… a ripped canvas laying on the floor by his feet.

Donghyuck squatted down to have a closer look.

The painting – or rather, what was left of it – wasn’t wet, but it still appeared to be fresh. And if it was one person whom Donghyuck knew loved art… it was none other than Renjun.

He swallowed as he could see the grandfather clock Renjun thought was ugly, but Donghyuck bought it anyway when they first moved in here just to spite his best friend, there just in the corner of the room. And the big flatscreen television they spent almost half of their rent money on, and Donghyuck’s gaming console.

Because that was how he knew he hadn’t entered the wrong apartment. So why the fuck was it not in the same state it had been in this morning when Donghyuck left?

“Renjun?” He tried again. “I’m back.”

Still no response.

A sigh made its way out of Donghyuck’s chest as he stalked into the kitchen, careful not to step on broken shards of glass from the two plates that were somehow broken (seriously, what the fuck, Renjun?), and placed the plastic bag onto the table. He groaned when he saw that they were short of one chair, too. Renjun was so going to eat on the floor. He should’ve thought twice before kicking – Donghyuck assumed – the chair leg until it snapped.

He then made his way to Renjun’s bedroom, only to have his jaw drop once he pushed the door open. “Renjun?!”

It turned out that Renjun wasn’t out, but was, in fact, curled up into a ball on the floor of his bedroom, knuckles adorning marks that were starting to bruise, and he was weeping.

Donghyuck was next to him in seconds, pushing Renjun to lay on his back, trying to gain his attention, all the while feeling panicked. He’d never seen his best friend like this. “Renjun, can you hear me?” he asked just in case, because only Renjun’s body seemed to be here but his mind elsewhere, eyes staring off into the far distance.

The only sign of consciousness he showed was the tears streaming down the sides of his head.

Donghyuck exhaled loudly, hoping to ease his nerves. He wasn’t going to get anywhere with Renjun if he was going to lose his mind soon. “Renjun, it’s me, Hyuck. Hello?” he waved a hand over Renjun’s face repeatedly.

“It hurts…” Renjun finally said in a pathetic whimper.

“Yeah, duh. Maybe if you didn’t put holes in our walls, your knuckles wouldn’t bruise,” he couldn’t help but nag. He immediately regretted it, though. Donghyuck’s eyes softened. “Could you please tell me what happened while I treat your wounds?”

Renjun only stayed silent while he was being moved to sit on his bed, leaning against the headboard while waiting for his roommate to come back with a first aid kit. He only winced occasionally when Donghyuck pressed onto a bruise a little bit too hard, but said nothing else.

So, naturally, Donghyuck had to ask. “Mind telling me now?”

Renjun let out a forlorn sigh.

“Dude, c’mon. You’re better than looking like you lost your lover in the war.”

This made the older boy snap his head towards him. “Maybe because I did!”

“What,” said Donghyuck flatly.

Renjun ran his right hand – the good hand – through his hair and banged his head onto the headboard, and Donghyuck had to hold himself back from remarking about how he was bound to lose his remaining brain cells if he did that. “Jaemin came by earlier.”

His brows drew together. “Huh? How the fuck does he know where you live? That’s dangerous!”

“You think everything is dangerous, Donghyuck!” Renjun argued. “No windows, curtains must be drawn 24/7, always greet each other when we reach home–”

“Because it’s true!”

Renjun only responded with a roll of his eyes before saying, “He sent me home the other night, that’s how he knows. I don’t think he’s gonna do anything with our location, though.” He obeyed Donghyuck’s instructions of following the actions of his hand, bending his fingers, making a fist and opening it, then gripping onto Donghyuck’s arm, and lastly, moving his wrist just to make sure he didn’t have a broken knuckle. “For now,” he added as an afterthought.

Donghyuck put away the equipments into the kit and placed it onto the floor, making himself comfortable on Renjun’s bed by sitting cross-legged. “What do you mean ‘for now’?”

“Hypothetically speaking, how much danger would one be in if they told a person that they were an assassin? Specifically the person they were supposed to kill but failed because somehow that person was charming, and then weeks into being in denial about their feelings, their best friend suddenly tells them that their target was innocent and it was all just because the boyfriend of the person’s late brother, who was the head of an assassination organisation and their boss, actually just wanted revenge on the person’s father, so now they really can’t kill the person because who the fuck kills innocent people?” Renjun took another deep breath. “Plus, that was really messed up of their boss. But they’ve always felt like their boss was messed up anyway so it was not too surprising? It just felt too real, though. Apart from that, they also wanted to come clean to the person because they think they really love him, but the person took it the wrong way and didn’t give them a chance to explain properly, so the person stormed out of their place. So yeah, how much danger would I fucking be in, Donghyuck?”

“What the… what the hell?” was all Donghyuck could say.

“Does that answer your question now?”

Donghyuck looked away, focusing on the Moomin plushie that was upside down on Renjun’s bed instead. “Did you really have to go and tell him about who you are?”

“I couldn’t–” Renjun stopped himself due to the lump forming in his throat and he tilted his head upwards, refusing to let his tears fall again. He was sad because Jaemin left him, and he was also sad because Donghyuck sounded so disappointed in him. Renjun gave up in hiding his tears because it was no use. “I couldn’t bear to hide the truth from Jaemin anymore! It hurt so much. I really just– I just wanted to explain everything to him but that stupid– motherfucker–”

Donghyuck bit the inside of his cheek, pissed at himself for not being able to stay mad at his best friend for long. He pulled Renjun roughly into a hug, letting the latter soak his left shoulder with his tears.

There was no denying that he had a soft spot for Renjun no matter how much they got on each other’s nerves, bickered and argued.

Renjun was the only person Donghyuck had right now after all.

“Could we maybe talk to Mr Seo about this? So he wouldn’t want Jaemin dead anymore? I think it’s the last thing I could do for him.”

Donghyuck gulped, feeling bad for what he was about to tell his best friend. “Honestly, I don’t know, Injun. Everything’s just so crazy right now with Johnny hyung.”

“It hurts so bad, Donghyuck,” Renjun sobbed.

Donghyuck rubbed soothing circles onto the older boy’s back, kissing the side of his head. “Course it does.”

“Why– why are you being so kind to me all of the sudden?”

He wanted to laugh at the suspicion in Renjun’s tone, but instead, Donghyuck folded his fingers in Renjun’s silver locks, scratching on his scalp lightly. “Because I know how it feels to lose someone.”

Renjun had stopped crying then, chest rising and falling as he tried to steady his breathing. He held Donghyuck’s nape with his right hand for comfort.

Donghyuck could feel Renjun shiver as he smiled against his neck. “And I’m scared to lose more people in my life, so I want to make the most of my moments with them and cherish it forever. Therefore, Renjun?”

Renjun hummed and pulled away from Donghyuck to look him in the eye with his own teary ones.

“Stop being reckless and use your brain for once before you regret it, yeah?”

—

Renjun had experienced the loss of someone special to him before. But losing someone you loved romantically wasn’t the same as losing your mother.

It was somewhat a different feeling, but it hurt just the same. Perhaps it was because Renjun had never been in love before, and the one time he did, everything spiralled downhill.

Was he not worthy of love? Did he not deserve to be loved as well?

Now Renjun may have known how it felt to suffer the loss of someone he loved. What he didn’t know was how to cope with it. He did, however, find himself subconsciously doing the same thing as when his mother had passed away.

“You’re back in my office, Agent Huang. What brings you here?”

Renjun worried his bottom lip with his teeth as he sat across Johnny, eyes narrowing when he noticed the empty spot on the desk where there was once a small potted plant he knew Taeil gave him, before looking up to meet Johnny’s gaze. He licked his lips. “Sir, could you g-give me another assignment?”

Johnny cocked an eyebrow at this. “Asking me for another assignment when you have yet to complete your current one? Have you no shame? Have you also forgotten that it’s been more than a month, Agent Huang?”

“Please, sir,” his voice came out weak as he trained his eyes onto his hands that he had resting on the desk – the fingers of his left hand wrapped in a bandage – starting to tremble. “Give me all the files of the people that need to be taken out, I promise I’ll do it.”

“The only person I want you to take out right now is Na Jaemin.”

Renjun looked the man before him dead in the eye. “So it is _you_ who wants him dead.” He didn’t know where the sudden courage came from. “There’s no client. Just you, sir.”

Johnny chuckled lowly. “What did I say, Agent Huang? Less talking, more shooting.”

And before Renjun could process anything, Johnny’s hand shot forward and grabbed his left hand tightly, and it felt like the blood circulation in Renjun’s wrist was cut off as he choked on a gasp, his heart stopping. The fact that it was his injured hand that was being seized didn’t help either.

He was never one to cower in front of the enemy. But what was one supposed to do when the enemy was someone who was supposed to be a friend, and not a foe?

“You do any more talking instead of shooting, Agent Huang, I don’t know where this might take you.”

Renjun hadn’t realised that he’d been holding his breath, only until Johnny had let go of his hand, and he sighed in relief. Though he couldn’t say that he actually felt relieved.

He was too distracted in discreetly rubbing his aching wrist when Johnny threw him seven folders. Renjun looked up at him with wide, questioning eyes.

“Everything’s written in there,” said Johnny monotonously. “Since you want to go on the field so bad and get blood on your hands. Are you trying to prove yourself or something, Agent Huang? Trying to take my position?” he smirked, taunting.

“I’m not really power hungry, sir.” Renjun stacked up the files neatly so he could easily carry them when he left later. “Do you believe in karma? Because I do. And I believe it will come back to bite anyone who’s done wrong in their ass. So if I were you, I’d be wary, too, of someone trying to take my position.”

The way Johnny’s fists clenched and unclenched didn’t go unnoticed by Renjun and he almost felt triumphant. Donghyuck would disagree because he was being reckless and running his mouth, and Johnny probably wanted him dead now because he talked more than he shot.

Instead, Johnny smiled, but it seemed strained and was not even near to reaching his eyes. “Thank you for your wise words, Agent Huang. I’m not very religious myself, but…” There was a malicious glint in his eyes that made chills run down Renjun’s spine. “I’ll keep your words in mind. Now as you’ve been so kind as to share your insight with me, I think I’d like to share mine as well.”

Renjun nodded, anxiety consuming him whole.

A genuine smile was now present on Johnny’s features, as he seemed to be reminiscing about the past. But Renjun wouldn’t know for sure. “I think love is the most powerful thing in the universe.”

“Why, sir? Because love sometimes makes you do things that are irrational? Love puts you in so much despair that you feel like you can’t breathe? Or is it because love has you wrapped around its finger, making you do everything and anything, even if it meant putting someone’s life on the line?”

Renjun didn’t like assuming things, but right now, it was as if Johnny was restless. Even more so that he didn’t have the lavender to fiddle with, because his hands looked so lost with nothing to grab, the man having to clasp them together with so much force that his knuckles turned white.

“Well, Agent Huang,” Johnny started, spitting out the words through gritted teeth. “We don’t know a lot of things in the world. Like you right now.”

“Me?”

“I bet you don’t know that our cute little Agent Donghyuckie isn’t going to be your handler anymore, or anyone else’s for that matter.”

Renjun’s heart sank. “What?”

“He’s back to being a field agent now,” Johnny simply said, as though that was an adequate answer to all of the questions Renjun had yet to voice out.

“But, sir, I–” Renjun fumbled through his words, unable to form coherent thoughts. “I don’t think that would be good for his mental health due to the traumatic events that happened to him the last time he went on the field years ago, and last Friday where he… where he lost his–”

“Oh, Agent Huang,” Johnny said with mock pity, and Renjun had never felt so small. “We’re contract killers. How much more fucked in the head could we possibly get?”

Renjun shook his head. “But, sir–”

“He didn’t tell you?”

Renjun shut his mouth and shook his head no again, a bit hurt at the fact that Donghyuck had hidden such a thing from him.

Johnny pursed his lips. “That’s weird, considering that he tells you _almost everything_ , doesn’t he?”

There was something else that Johnny was hinting at, but Renjun couldn’t quite tell what it was. “I guess so.”

“Well, then,” Johnny clapped his hands once cheerily. “You could ask for help from Agent Lee or Agent Zhong with–” he motioned to the seven files stacked up in front of Renjun, “–these. Good luck on your killing spree, agent. You’ll need it.”

He felt a little unsettled at the way Johnny had just wished him luck for a mission – several missions, actually. That usually never happened. It was almost as if he was foreshadowing something, but Renjun merely brushed it off as he stood up, chair scraping too loud in the big office.

“Thank you, sir.” He lifted the folders slowly, careful to not put too much pressure onto his injured left hand.

“Just ‘Johnny hyung’ is fine. Have a good day, agent.”

—

As stupid as it sounded, Renjun didn’t know how inseparable he was with Donghyuck, only realising it now when he had a different but familiar voice giving him instructions in his ear as he moved swiftly and soundlessly in the dark.

“Left.”

Renjun made a left turn quickly. No more pausing even for a millisecond, because he didn’t need to translate the word into his native language in his brain.

He had chosen Chenle to help him because before Donghyuck became an off-field agent, Chenle was the one who had been guiding him through missions, making sure Renjun came back in one piece. Crazy how he already grew accustomed to Donghyuck’s voice in the span of two years, to the point that even the voice of his initial handler almost sounded foreign despite him speaking in Mandarin.

Renjun wanted to cry when he belatedly remembered that Chenle wasn’t one to keep him company over the line, taking a 180 degree turn from his usual bubbly personality to be professional. Donghyuck, on the other hand, would throw jokes here and there, and also put up with Renjun’s whining, but still knew when to be serious.

Sitting down on the cement floor of the warehouse, Renjun was certain he was going to die out of boredom before anyone had the chance to shoot him. “Chenle, have you eaten?” he asked, just because he really needed someone to talk to so time would hopefully pass by faster.

The device in his ear crackled a bit unpleasantly. “What has that got to do with this mission?”

Renjun wanted to roll his eyes until they got stuck to the back of his head. “I’m bored, you little shit. What’s your favourite colour again?”

“You know my favourite colour.” Chenle’s tone was enough to prove that he didn’t want to converse for long.

But Renjun was stubborn. “I forgot. So why am I in this shady warehouse again?”

The typing on the other end stopped abruptly. “Agent, did you not–”

“I did, I did! Drug dealing, geez.”

Chenle didn’t say anything else after that, leaving Renjun alone in the dark to entertain himself.

There was nothing entertaining.

He inhaled deeply, blowing out the air harshly through his nostrils and folded his legs, hugging his knees close to his chest. “God,” he mumbled.

Renjun wouldn’t say he was sick in the head, even if he _was_ desensitised to killing people. But he couldn’t really hold on to that statement when he had practically asked Johnny to let him go on a killing spree.

Well, in his defense, it wasn’t like he wanted to do it because it gave him some sort of serotonin boost, or something. Plus, he was taking out bad guys (or at least that was what was written on the profiles). Renjun wanted to get his mind off of Jaemin because it still hurt like hell whenever he thought of the boy, his stupid pink hair and his equally stupid charming smile.

Going on a killing spree wasn’t the healthiest coping mechanism, but to each their own, right?

And he also wanted to buy more time.

There just had to be a way out of this, a way to negotiate with and convince Johnny to let Jaemin live. Renjun had faith in Donghyuck and knew he _should_ be able to help him.

It didn’t matter anymore if Jaemin hated him (it mattered a lot), but Jaemin had to live. Nobody deserved to die for something – or the lack thereof, in this case – that they didn’t do.

Renjun squinted his eyes in the dark at the negative thoughts starting to form in his head.

_What if Johnny did let Jaemin go… but not Renjun? Would Renjun want to take a bullet for Jaemin? Would he do that? Would he unhesitatingly take a bullet for_ –

“Target approaching.”

He was immediately pulled out of his thoughts, but didn’t jump at the sudden voice, standing up to his feet and leaning casually against the wall behind him, left hand in his pocket. Renjun cocked his head to the side and lifted one corner of his lips into a smile when the entrance to the warehouse opened noisily and revealed a sturdy man in a suit. “Good evening, Mr Yoo.”

“Evening, Mr Park.”

Renjun breathed out a quiet laugh to himself, feeling prideful, thinking about how he had taken care of the actual Mr Park whom this man was supposed to meet earlier. He walked towards the target, stopping right in front of him.

“So, where’s the thing?” asked Mr Yoo.

“The thing?” Renjun questioned just for shits and giggles. He knew what this man wanted.

“Yeah, the heroin I asked for.”

Renjun hummed, reaching his right hand into his pocket. “You mean this?” he grabbed his gun and jabbed the barrel onto the man’s forehead, pulling the trigger before Mr Yoo could even process what was going on, secretly loving the sheer look of panic on his face, especially in his eyes.

He blew on the barrel of his gun and spun it around his index finger as he stepped over the dead body that had fallen lifelessly to the ground, walking out of the place. “Haha,” he said, no actual humour in his voice. “Just like in the movies. I’ve always wanted to do this.”

—

By the time he was done with five out of seven missions, Renjun found that Jaemin hadn’t been running around his mind 24/7. Which _was_ the whole point. But of course he couldn’t just act like there wasn’t an empty space in his heart where Jaemin once was.

He also noticed that he used his phone less these days because what was the point of going on his phone if there weren’t texts or calls from Jaemin?

But it wasn’t just Jaemin. Another factor added to his loneliness, and that was Donghyuck who he hadn’t seen despite living in the same apartment.

On days where Renjun wasn’t on the field and got off work early, Donghyuck wasn’t home. When he came home a little later than usual, Donghyuck was already asleep. But when Renjun returned and Donghyuck was home, the latter would only stay in his room. The only thing that greeted him was the home cooked dinner left in the kitchen for him.

It was almost as if Donghyuck was avoiding him.

_But for what reason?_ Renjun wondered as he packed up his rifle after ensuring that the target had been shot dead in the opposite building, making his way down the stairs of the rooftop.

Maybe Donghyuck was just still sad over his brother, and that was fine. That was something that could be fixed over time. Donghyuck would come back, Renjun hoped.

The nights were starting to become warmer with summer just around the corner. So when Renjun finally exited the building, the cool breeze he anticipated never hit him, and left disappointment in the pit of his stomach. It didn’t help that he was sweating, either.

He lifted a hand to his ear. “Thanks, Chenle. Goodnight.”

“Night, agent.”

And when he reached home, Renjun didn’t bother saying a greeting because Donghyuck never responded these days anyway.

But he was wrong.

“Injun?”

Renjun froze, just about to take his boots off. Well, that was new. He thought Donghyuck was either sleeping or still at work.

He stayed silent, placing his shoes on the shoe rack and stood there, waiting for Donghyuck to walk over like he knew his roommate would.

“Renjun, is that you?” Donghyuck’s voice was a pitch higher, worried.

His cheeks hurt from how wide he was smiling, holding back his laughter when he heard footsteps from the kitchen, gradually coming closer. Sticking to the beige coloured walls didn’t really do anything to camouflage Renjun when he was wearing all black, but it was enough to catch Donghyuck off guard when the boy rounded the corner to inspect the doorway.

Renjun quickly grabbed Donghyuck when he was within reach, spun him around and pinned him against the wall, holding one of Donghyuck’s arms behind his back.

Donghyuck grunted and let out a curse, turning his head the best he could to look at Renjun. “So… I see that the CEO of Dramatic Entrances is back.”

Donghyuck was the one who was manhandled, so why was Renjun the one being caught off guard? His eyebrows flew up. “What, you’re not gonna swear at me? Headbutt me?”

“You have a degradation kink or something?”

“What?!” he hissed.

Donghyuck shook the wrist Renjun had in his grip, bringing the older boy’s attention to it. “Are you gonna let me go or do you wanna practice immobilising the enemy some more? Because I think you could use more force when slamming them against the wall so they could get a bit dizzy.”

“That’s the point, Hyuck. I didn’t want to use too much force with you.”

“Then why the fuck did you do this first thing when you come home?”

Renjun shrugged and released Donghyuck. “For fun. I missed you.”

“I didn’t go anywhere, Injun. I’ve always been here.” Donghyuck rubbed his right shoulder, spinning on his heels to face Renjun.

“Yeah, but it feels like you’re not here. Like, I don’t know, Hyuck. You’ve…” Renjun scratched his head, not really sure of how to put it in words that could make Donghyuck understand so he didn’t have to explain further. “Changed.”

Donghyuck blinked, clueless.

Renjun groaned inwardly. “It’s like… like you’re not the usual you? Like, you’re so different. These days, you’re so gentle and kind to me, and while I do appreciate it, it’s so fucking weird coming from you. Please don’t take offense, though. Because like… I grew up with you, and… and for the past years, it was only playful banter. Like…” He hated how he started rambling, but Donghyuck was listening intently, so Renjun continued. “Like, you don’t have to hug me everyday and keep telling me that you love me for me to know. Because, Hyuck, you could tell me that you want to murder me and I would know that you love me.”

An involuntary whimper slipped past Donghyuck’s lips. “Renjun, I do _not_ want to murder you.”

“Course you don’t.”

They stared at each other, and Renjun started to feel awkward because Donghyuck wasn’t saying anything else.

“What… that’s weird. You’ve been telling me you want to murder me, and I know that’s a joke. So why now…?” The question was left hanging. Renjun messed up his silver hair, sighing. “See, you’re just… different.” He pointed towards Donghyuck’s empty hands. “You didn’t even bring a kitchen knife before checking who’s at the doorway. So much for being cautious, Hyuck. What if it wasn’t me who walked through that door?”

Donghyuck poked the inside of his cheek with his tongue, and Renjun was afraid for a moment if he had managed to piss off his roommate. “Well, you could’ve said you’re back. We made a promise, remember?”

“What’s the point? You never call out back to me anyway,” he argued.

The floor suddenly seemed to be so interesting for Donghyuck as he looked at it as though there was blood on the carpet to be cleaned up.

“Hyuck, are you… are you okay? Is this about Taeil hyung? You know you can tell me anything, right?” _Which you have not been doing_ , Renjun stopped himself from saying.

“No, it’s not about him. I have to move on one way or another.”

“Yeah, but you don’t have to just move on instantly. It’s normal to feel down.”

Donghyuck snapped his head towards him. “You know what’s not normal? Killing people left and right just because the person you love hates you.”

There was a change in the atmosphere, tension suddenly rising at the change in Donghyuck’s demeanour.

Renjun couldn’t tell if he was joking or not, but he really seemed serious. He laughed bitterly. “Why are we talking about… about _him_?” he couldn’t even say the name without his heart feeling like it’d been split into two.

“You weren’t even supposed to fall in love with Jaemin.”

“Okay?” he raised his voice, anger starting to take over him at Donghyuck’s words. “What has that got to do with anything?”

“See, Renjun, maybe if you actually did your job that night, it wouldn’t have led us to this mess right now,” said Donghyuck, like he didn’t have a care in the world about Renjun’s feelings.

“Are you serious, Donghyuck?” he took a step closer, staring the boy down, even if Donghyuck was taller. “You think I don’t fucking know that already?”

“I’m just saying that if you didn’t stall in killing Jaemin, I wouldn’t have found out _things_ that I wasn’t supposed to know, and _things_ that I didn’t want to know.” There wasn’t a single emotion in Donghyuck’s eyes as he stared back at Renjun.

“I could’ve killed someone innocent, Donghyuck.”

“Sometimes, Renjun…” Donghyuck stepped forward, their chests bumping as he held the back of Renjun’s head. “Ignorance is bliss.”

Renjun pulled away, accidentally hitting the wall as he almost recoiled from Donghyuck’s touch like the boy was fire, because this _wasn’t_ Donghyuck. It was as if someone had crawled inside Donghyuck, taking over his body to appear as Donghyuck. “No, no, no. It should be a good thing that you found out Mr Seo’s true intentions because–”

“What if I never wanted to find out Johnny hyung’s true intentions?” Donghyuck cut him off. He wiped away a tear, crossing his arms over his chest, breaking eye contact once more, sniffling. “I just think ignorance is bliss, Renjun.”

It wasn’t like Donghyuck had a reason to get emotional over Jaemin, so that was what had Renjun thinking that his best friend’s weird behaviour was caused by something else, something beyond the Jaemin issue. But then again, Renjun couldn’t possibly know.

Donghyuck wasn’t telling him anything these days, after all.

“So is that why you didn’t tell me you’re back to being a field agent?” Renjun received a teary eyed puzzled look. “I got to know from Mr Seo.”

“Ha!” The laugh came out rather strangled. “There’s that, too, I guess.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” The hurt in his voice wasn’t quite concealed but Renjun didn’t care. There was nothing to hide anymore with his best friend crying his heart out in front of him. If anyone were to be embarrassed, it should be Donghyuck.

The younger boy clicked his tongue. “I didn’t want to make you worried but, well, now that the cat’s out of the bag… I guess I should tell you that it was also actually against my will to become a field agent again?”

Renjun’s eyes widened. “Mr Seo forced you?!”

“Hm, pretty much.” Donghyuck’s gaze flitted to Renjun who was starting to fume. “I didn’t have a fucking say in it, Renjun!” he quickly said before the older boy could give him an earful about Johnny. “But now I know why, though, and I wish I didn’t.”

“Why?”

“By the way, my next assignment is this Saturday. Just thought I’d let you know since you probably think I don’t tell you anything anymore,” Donghyuck completely ignored his question.

“You’re still not telling me, Hyuck.”

“Ignorance is bliss, Injun.” Donghyuck wiped away the last of his tears and pushed himself off of the wall, shuffling back into the apartment. “I made you dinner. It’s in the kitchen. I’m gonna go to bed, goodnight.”

Renjun wasn’t given the chance to tell Donghyuck that his seventh and last mission was this Saturday as well, the only file where nothing was written in it, except for the location and how he wasn’t allowed a handler because it was apparently a top secret mission.

There also wasn’t a picture of the target.

—

“There are no mistakes, Agent Huang.”

Renjun stared at Johnny emptily like the man had said something stupid – which he had – while pointing to the very obvious mistakes in the folder laid wide open on the desk. “It’s one thing to not have any description of the target, but that’s fine because I couldn’t care less about them.” He dragged his index finger and stopped at the vertical rectangular space where an image of the target should’ve been. “Not having a picture is another. How am I supposed to know who to take out?”

Johnny, who previously had both of his elbows resting on the table, shifted in his chair to lean comfortably in it. “You’ll know when you get there.”

“What…?” Renjun swallowed, feeling confused and scared all at once.

Johnny had always been cryptic, but today, it was like he had brought it up ten notches. “What’s the matter, agent? Are you saying that I’m not doing my job efficiently?”

“I didn’t say that, sir.” He spared a glance towards the empty spot in the file once again before closing it. “It’s just… are you sure there are no mistakes? Because, isn’t the picture the most important thing in a profile? I think it’s essential to know the facial features of the target, you know, so we don’t accidentally kill the wrong person.” Renjun looked Johnny dead in the eye. “Someone innocent.”

Johnny’s eyes turned dark momentarily before he laughed boisterously. Renjun hadn’t even made a joke. “You’re contradicting yourself, Agent Huang, did you know that?”

Renjun’s left hand, already fully healed, balled into a fist. No, he didn’t know that. What the fuck was Johnny talking about anyway?

“You say it’s important to have the picture, that you couldn’t care less about the descriptions, but yet…” Johnny tilted his body forward, gently grabbing Renjun’s fist. “You still haven’t killed Na Jaemin.”

His stomach twisted as he retracted his hand from Johnny’s burning hold, placing it in his lap. “I understand sometimes businesspeople fall into the hit list, sir. But… Na Jaemin isn’t even one yet. If anything, it should be his father that is eliminated, since he’s the CEO and all. Wouldn’t that make more sense?”

“You talk too much, Agent Huang.” It was a warning.

And to be honest, Renjun would say he was quite surprised Johnny still hadn’t taken his head yet for doing so.

“But it would make more sense,” he pressed on nevertheless. “Wouldn’t it?”

Johnny’s lips were pressed into a thin line, his fingers drumming on the desk. Then, he gave a somewhat condescending smile. “Agent Huang, you think just because you’ve been on several missions for the past two weeks, and are almost as rich as little Agent Donghyuckie, that you’re entitled to something? You think you can decide who gets to live or not?”

All the hope left Renjun’s body and he felt defeated, wanting to just tear his hair out right then and there.

It was clear that negotiating with Johnny wasn’t an option anymore, and whenever Renjun hinted that he knew _something_ , it only made the man angry, even for a split second, before he would shift the subject of the conversation somewhere else to avoid talking about it.

Now, Renjun was just in despair. He felt so alone, like nobody had his back.

First, Jaemin, the person he loved, was out of his life. He did miss the boy a lot, but Jaemin probably had his number blocked so Renjun didn’t try to reach out. Next, Donghyuck, his best friend, was acting distant and would just offer curt replies whenever Renjun tried talking to him. Of course there were Mark and Chenle but the two had their own work and were just as busy as he was. The only time the four of them were able to meet up was only over lunch at the agency, or dinner if they finished work early and still wanted to head out. Most times, they were exhausted, though.

And now, his boss, Johnny. He clearly had something up his sleeve, plotting. Renjun didn’t think he was allowed to ask anymore questions. Not that Johnny was kind enough to answer anyway.

Or worse, he would just kill Renjun himself.

“Anything else?”

Renjun licked his lips, slightly pissed because they always dried up whenever he was nervous. “No, sir.” He stood up, taking the file with him and politely tucking the chair back in.

“Will you ever drop the formalities and call me ‘Johnny hyung’?” the man asked just as Renjun pulled the door to his office open.

He stepped outside, turning back to look at Johnny. “Who knows, sir?”

—

The door shut loudly behind him, the noise resounding throughout the quiet and empty place, resembling his heart.

Jaemin forgoed turning on the lights, just so he didn’t have to see how messy the interior of his penthouse was ever since he stopped talking to Renjun, no motivation in him to clean up. He trudged up the stairs and towards his room after lazily kicking off his dress shoes, tossing his briefcase carelessly onto the floor and diving in face first onto his soft mattress.

The bed creaked as he reached over to turn on his night lamp and heaved out a heavy sigh, loosening up his necktie after a long day of work, before laying on his back and fishing for his phone in the pocket of his trousers.

Jaemin’s phone was usually put on silent while he was working to prevent him from getting distracted. His father wouldn’t want that.

Still, he couldn’t understand why there was an ugly feeling in his heart, the kind of feeling one would get when they hoped for something too much but didn’t get it, when he opened his messages, only to see that it was no different than the past weeks – no texts from the one person he longed for, Renjun. The only people keeping that app alive, and consequently the only reason Jaemin even went on his phone, were Jeno and Jisung.

Jaemin rolled onto his side and was met by the rabbit plushie Renjun won from the carnival during their second date. He landed a punch on it, muttering a “stupid Renjun” under his breath.

Or maybe Jaemin was the one who was stupid for being so gullible, thinking that he’d finally found his true love, someone who would give all of their heart to him and would not hesitate to risk their life for him.

Instead, it was Jaemin who was risking his own life by being with Renjun, wearing his heart on his sleeve and even going so far as to serve his heart on a platter for Renjun, only to have it crushed violently by the boy himself.

Whenever the thought of Jaemin being one pull of a trigger away from death during the times he had spent with Renjun crossed his mind, goosebumps would rise on his skin.

Yet, he still found himself missing Renjun, hoping he would leave a text or two, or even give him a call.

Because Jaemin hadn’t blocked Renjun’s number.

He sucked on his bottom lip, staring at the ‘injunnie <3’ chat that was last opened almost three weeks ago, thinking that maybe a new message would come in if he stared long and hard enough.

But it never did.

So, he pressed on the group chat he had with his friends instead, already over 30 new texts, and scrolled to the very bottom.

_**[triple j]** _

_**jisungpwark:** is cereal a soup_

_**leejeno:** that is the last fucking straw_

_**[leejeno removed jisungpwark from the group.]** _

_**nana:** hey guys_

_**nana:** *jeno_

_**leejeno:** JAEMIN??!??!! omg_

_**[leejeno added jisungpwark to the group.]** _

_**jisungpwark:** what, do u finally agree that cereal IS a soup_

_**nana:** hi sungie_

_**jisungpwark:** JAEMIN HYUNG????_

_**leejeno:** nana where have u beeeen :( we missed you_

_**jisungpwark:** yea we havent heard from you in like ages_

_**leejeno:** are you ok??_

_**nana:** sorry i just needed to take my mind off of things_

_**nana:** what if i told u guys that renjun was actually a hitman hired to kill me_

_**leejeno:** huh_

_**jisungpwark:** i would say ‘i told u so’_

—

The ten-storey-or-more building in front of him was not what he’d expected.

Renjun had to do a double take because no way was this abandoned building the location of his assignment. He would bet on his life that not a single person walked into this building for the past five years, or longer.

“Am I supposed to fight a fucking ghost?” he couldn’t help but wonder aloud, looking around at his surroundings, still uncertain if he was at the right place. “Is that why there wasn’t a picture? Does my boss take me as a paranormal investigator or something? ‘You’ll know when you get there’? I don’t even _know_ if this is the right place.”

Because of course, the only solution to prevent your nerves from crawling out your throat was to ramble.

Renjun turned around to face the building again, sighing through his nose as he lifted a hand to his ear. “Ch–” he shut his mouth, heart sinking because he didn’t have his earpiece in, remembering that he was completely alone. “Well, shit.”

He gulped. There were no other buildings in sight, not even passersby or cars driving down the street. It was eerily silent and the only thing he could hear was his own rapid heartbeat.

The sun was starting to set and Renjun didn’t know how he was going to maneuver his way in the darkness that was bound to blanket the place soon, because how convenient that there were also no streetlights here.

And the building? It looked to be ten decades old. He wasn’t expecting for the electricity to be available… unless ghosts needed electricity.

Mold was covering the walls, and it was just so run down that Renjun was having second thoughts on proceeding with his task. The sight of the exterior was straight out of a horror movie. As he made his way to the entrance – anywhere could be the entrance, really, he could even actually be coming in from the back for all he knew – the crunching sounds of debris being crushed under his feet were heard and Renjun grimaced.

Was he supposed to be quiet? He couldn’t even fathom anyone coming here to hang out, so was there really anyone he should be careful of about detecting his presence?

All he was given was the coordinates, time and the floor of the building he should be on.

Renjun checked his wristwatch. It was ten minutes to six, and he was supposed to be here at six. He was punctual, but who the fuck was going to come here at six and _why_?

With blocks of bricks strewn around the area haphazardly, more dust and debris on the floor, he couldn’t tell what kind of building this place used to be. He covered his nose, already starting to itch. The last thing he needed was his sinus acting up when he had a person to shoot.

Renjun gasped when he spotted an elevator at the end of the space he was in, running towards it, but stopped when he remembered about the very low possibility of it working. “I mean… I wouldn’t know if I didn’t try.”

The elevator didn’t work.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Renjun punched the button of the upwards arrow with more force than he probably should. He groaned, searching for the stairs. “Sixth floor… Why the sixth floor of all floors?” He figured he should be thankful he didn’t have to climb the flight of stairs to the twelfth floor or something.

Starting from the third floor onwards, he huffed with every two steps he took as he made his way up the stairs of the deserted building. His breathing was rather ragged, but he wasn’t careful to not make any sound. Nobody was here anyway.

“Three more floors,” was what Donghyuck would probably say in his ear, whereas Chenle would usually only give him instructions that he needed.

“Why can’t I just take the damn elevator?” he grumbled, voice coming out breathless.

He thought back to his cozy apartment that he shared with Donghyuck, though it felt empty for the past few days because his roommate preferred to be alone ever since the passing of Taeil, his comfy bed where he could snuggle with his Moomin plushie on nights where he would cry himself to sleep thinking about Jaemin, his sketchbook or canvas that he would pick up on days where he was off from work and doodle or paint abstract things, even if he tore them apart the day Jaemin left him.

Today just wasn’t one of those days.

He was assigned to eliminate _someone_. Renjun didn’t know who because he wasn’t given any information or a name in the profile. Not that the target’s background information or the reason to take them out was important anyway, it was their facial features that mattered.

But even that he didn’t get.

Renjun didn’t want to accidentally kill the wrong person, and that was when Johnny’s words repeated themselves in his head.

_You’ll know when you get there_.

Who the fuck was he supposed to be expecting in here? Everything just didn’t make sense.

He paused in his tracks when he finally reached the landing, crouching to catch his breath. “Fucking hell,” he panted. Then, he shrugged. “That wasn’t too bad, I guess.”

Pushing the door to the sixth floor that was barely hanging on its hinges open, Renjun was greeted by the same empty and spacious room that looked like the one from downstairs. It was getting harder to see now, and the only source of light was from the few square openings lining the walls where he assumed paneless windows should’ve been.

He scrunched his nose at the musty smell.

There wasn’t a place to hide, he found, as he went further inside, more crunching sounds from under his combat boots. He guessed he had no choice but to shoot his enemy on sight.

Renjun reached for his revolver from his holster, flicking on the cool metal absentmindedly out of boredom. The sound was too loud in the place so he stopped, lest the enemy heard him. Which reminded him…

_How am I supposed to know if the target is nearby?_

He couldn’t see how this mission was top secret that he wasn’t allowed a handler. It wasn’t like handlers were going to snitch or something. Surely they had to be taught so in Handler 101, or whatever kind of class off-field agents took in their trainee days.

Renjun was so lost in his thoughts, that he almost barely heard the footsteps approaching from behind him. He swiveled too fast, head almost spinning, but he aimed his gun to the person accurately, fingering the trigger, only to see–

“Donghyuck?” he lowered his gun.

Donghyuck who he was least expecting to see, who was in the same exact attire as he was, who had a mission today as well but was somehow here, and had his gun pointed straight at Renjun.

Renjun felt like he was supposed to raise his arms in surrender, but he let them stay by his sides, mouth agape in confusion as he stared at the barrel of Donghyuck’s glock. “Um, hello?” he said, trying to get the boy to speak. “Care to explain? I didn’t know we were supposed to be partners today.”

_Just like the old days_ , he wanted to add.

But Donghyuck didn’t move.

“Hyuck?”

“I’m supposed to kill you.”

The air around them suddenly felt heavy, like the world had stopped spinning. Donghyuck was like a stranger to him, because Renjun didn’t know who the person standing in front of him was. And it was also like he was a stranger to Donghyuck, because Donghyuck’s eyes had no mercy in them as he gazed back at Renjun, the firearm still held up, threatening.

Renjun slowly lifted his right hand with the gun on instinct, aiming at the boy, despite not having wrapped his mind fully on what the younger boy had just said. “What?”

“You failed to complete your mission,” Donghyuck replied coldly.

Renjun wetted his lips before laughing incredulously. “So that’s what this is all about?” He felt anxious, because his life was now in the hands of his very own best friend, and also utterly betrayed. There surely wasn’t anything that hurt more than having the person you trusted the most stab you in the back. “Let me guess… you were sent here by Mr Seo? That’s why there was literally nothing on that profile.”

“But in my profile, there was every little detail about you, Renjun, down to the fact about how many bottles of banana milk you consume in a day. Funny, because it was nothing that I didn’t already know.” Donghyuck let out a shaky breath and cocked his head to the side with a pained smile. “I guess that’s not fair, huh?”

“What’s not fair is making someone kill their own best friend, and then them actually following through, holding said best friend at gunpoint,” Renjun replied through gritted teeth. His hand that was holding the gun was trembling, and so was Donghyuck’s.

“Speak for yourself, Renjun. You also have your gun pointed at me.”

“Self-defense.”

Donghyuck hummed and then grinned. “It’s the revolver from your gun collection,” he remarked, mirth lacing his voice. “I recognise it.”

The more Donghyuck spoke, the more Renjun was convinced he wasn’t Donghyuck. The boy was nothing but a robot that had every memory of Renjun wiped from its brain.

He nodded. “The one you find ‘sexy’, yeah.”

Silence enveloped them and dusk was near. None of them said anything else, just holding up their weapons, waiting to see who would pull the trigger first.

The tension was unbearable and Renjun briefly wondered if the loud pounding of his heart could make this old building collapse on them. Maybe that was a better option. His breathing was becoming unsteady. “Are you going to shoot me for real or what?”

“Are you?” Donghyuck queried him instead.

“I don’t think I’m supposed to?” It came out as a question, as though Renjun was unsure himself, too. “But you, on the other hand–”

“Do you think I want to?” Donghyuck said.

Renjun tried his best to sound nonchalant, so that his voice wouldn’t give away the fact that he was indeed scared _and_ hurt. “You’re giving me the impression that you intend to.”

Donghyuck finally lowered his gun, before dropping it to the floor. The noisy clinking sound it made as it met with the cement floor rang in Renjun’s ears obnoxiously.

“What are you doing?” The gesture oddly had him raising his guard further. He knew Donghyuck. The boy always had something up his sleeve.

However, the younger boy raised his hands, as if to show Renjun that he wasn’t armed with anything anymore. “I’m not gonna shoot you.”

“But–”

“You shoot me instead.”

“What?!”

Donghyuck’s arms fell to his sides. Now he appeared to be regretful, mouth pulled down into a frown. “There is only one way how this is going to end tonight; only one of us is walking out of this place alive.” The way he explained it was as if he was explaining to Renjun step by step on how to put together a shelf. “So, do it, Renjun. Shoot me.”

Licking his lips to ease his nerves was counterproductive, because they dry up whenever he was on edge, but they became drier due to his saliva. But old habits die hard, so Renjun darted out his tongue once more, dampening his lips before saying, “Surely there’s another way? We don’t have to do this, Donghyuck,” he pleaded. Renjun wouldn’t admit it, but he was close to tears.

Perhaps he didn’t have to, after all, since Donghyuck knew him best.

“No, this is what Johnny hyung wants, and what he wants, he gets. This is his sick game, Renjun.”

Renjun shook his head, causing his tears to fall freely. “No, I can’t do that. I also don’t understand. Aren’t you the one who’s supposed to shoot me?”

The hurt smile was on Donghyuck’s face again and Renjun wanted so badly to deck him in the nose to wipe it off. “Either way, we’ll both be dead.”

Donghyuck’s words were like a blow to his stomach, and Renjun felt weak. He finally lowered his gun. “What?”

“Less talking, more shooting, Renjun.”

It was the phrase Johnny had always used, and Renjun had come to despise it. Seeing his best friend use it, especially in a situation like this was putting him off and was quite saddening.

Because it meant that Donghyuck had let Johnny get to his head.

“No!” He was angry, but honestly, that was an understatement now. Renjun was feeling every ugly and unpleasant feeling in the world. He wished he could just stop feeling.

“Renjun, shoot me!” Donghyuck was yelling now, tears spilling from his eyes.

“I can’t just–!” Renjun was no different from Donghyuck, eyes similar to a waterfall. His voice was just above a whisper when he asked, “Why?”

“Don’t you get it, Renjun?” Donghyuck’s lips were quivering. “I miss Taeil hyung.”

The older boy could only manage to lick his lips, dread in his whole being because he knew which turn this was going to take. He waited for Donghyuck to continue, but his next words still made him want to be sick even if he already saw it coming.

“I want to be with him,” said Donghyuck finally.

“Donghyuck, you said you’d move on.”

“I lied.”

Summer was approaching, and Renjun knew this for a fact. So why did it feel so, so cold in this room, Donghyuck’s icy stare and words biting into his heart, tearing it to pieces? He could also feel the ghost of shivers on his skin, urging him to tremble.

But Renjun was stubborn.

“What else did you lie about?” He didn’t know if he was ready for the answer, but Renjun wasn’t a coward. He wasn’t one to back down in front of the enemy.

Even if the enemy was his own best friend.

Donghyuck bent down and reached for the previously discarded gun, grabbed it by the barrel before throwing it in the air, catching it swiftly and pointed it at Renjun. He tapped his index finger repeatedly on the trigger, not quite pulling it, taunting. “About not shooting you,” he answered.

Whiplash.

Renjun was getting whiplash from the instant change in Donghyuck’s manner. Just minutes ago, he was shedding tears, begging for Renjun to shoot him. Now, it was like every emotion had been sucked out of him, leaving him as nothing but a shell of Donghyuck who had no regard for who the person he was about to kill was.

A scoff rolled off of Renjun’s mouth and he gave Donghyuck a condescending smile, just so he could appear strong and show that the nonstop tears streaming down his face meant nothing.

Because he totally wasn’t thinking about how he’d spent more than half of his life growing up with Donghyuck, the ups and downs they’ve faced together, their daily bickering, the unspoken “I love you”s between them, all the times Donghyuck would lend his shoulder for Renjun to cry on, the way Donghyuck silently cared for him and always had his back.

It was ironic how Donghyuck still had his back now, only with a knife in his hand, plunged in so deep it stabbed his heart as well.

He swiped his fingers on his left cheek, clicking his tongue as he examined the wetness on his glove from his warm tears. He then focused on Donghyuck. “You’re just gonna throw away our friendship like that?”

Donghyuck lifted an eyebrow. “And you’re just gonna go down without a fight?” He was talking about Renjun’s gun in his hand that stayed limp by his side.

“So all these years meant nothing to you?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “I’m gonna let you in on a secret, Donghyuck.” Renjun held up his firearm, aiming it at his best friend. “I’m actually fucking hurt right now.”

Donghyuck shifted his arm to his right, and before Renjun could open his mouth, he pulled the trigger, causing a loud gunshot to reverberate in the quiet place, and a bullet flying past Renjun, narrowly missing his ear.

His head was spinning, his ears were ringing, his knees were so close to giving up, and his heart was picking up in pace. Renjun was too stunned to jump or let out a cry, the only movement from him was his eyes growing wide out of shock.

“You’re hurt, Renjun? Then let’s fight.” Donghyuck grinned. “We’re good at that, aren’t we?”

“I don’t understand.”

The sound of a gun being cocked was heard and Renjun was on the balls of his feet, alert.

“What do you not understand?” It was like Donghyuck was challenging him.

Renjun had a lot of questions, too many that he didn’t know where to start or if he should ask at all. He opted not to. “You’re crazy if you think I’d shoot my best friend.” He moved out of the way just before Donghyuck fired at the spot he once stood.

“You’re crazy if you don’t put up a fight,” Donghyuck retorted, following Renjun with every step he took.

A predator waiting for the right moment to pounce on its prey – that was the perfect way to describe them at this moment, with how Donghyuck advanced forward everytime Renjun stepped backwards to get away from him.

“Yeah, well, ‘crazy’ is my middle name.”

“Aw, c’mon, Injunnie,” Donghyuck pouted. “Forgot how to shoot? Want me to show you?”

Renjun had barely managed to dodge the bullet zooming towards him, the object grazing the side of his knee, enough to tear the fabric of his pants and produce a scratch on his skin. He hissed. “What the fuck is wrong with you?”

“What the fuck is wrong with _you_?” Donghyuck asked as if he hadn’t been trying to shoot Renjun. “Why are you not retaliating?”

“Because you’re not supposed to be the enemy!”

“Sometimes, Renjun, things in life don’t turn out the way we expect it to.” He smirked when Renjun’s back hit the wall. “Like you falling for Jaemin.”

Renjun’s jaw clenched. “Don’t fucking say his name.”

A questioning hum came from the back of Donghyuck’s throat. “Why not? Poor little Injunnie got his heart broken by some stupid rich boy?”

“Donghyuck,” Renjun warned. He made to move to the side when he noticed the younger boy about to shoot, but tripped on his foot and fell on his butt just in time, one bullet ingrained into the wall just above his head. He could’ve sworn he felt the air from the small piece of metal as it flew on the top of his head.

“All of this is your fault, Renjun,” said Donghyuck flatly like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

“Pointing fingers now, Donghyuck? I thought the problem was with Mr Seo. He’s done some pretty fucked up things but I think this is the most messed up one.” Renjun’s arm was starting to ache from the way he’d been holding his weapon up. It was pretty much redundant because he hadn’t actually made an attempt to fire at Donghyuck. “I mean… who sets their employees up to kill their own best friend?”

“See, Renjun, if you just killed Jaemin that night, none of this would’ve happened.”

“Get his damn name out of your fucking mouth.”

Donghyuck ignored him. “You could’ve done him a favour. I’m sure he wants to be with his brother. Why didn’t you give him that?”

“Shut the fuck up, Donghyuck!” Renjun’s nostrils were flaring as he glared up at the person who he once thought was his best friend, his ride or die.

“Jaemin who is nothing but a slave to his father, Jaemin who sees the good in everyone and ended up being lied to by you–”

“Donghyuck.”

“Jaemin who is oblivious, Jaemin who fell victim to someone’s thirst for revenge, Jaemin who led us into all of this mess–”

There was a gunshot.

Renjun couldn’t tell at first whether it was from him or Donghyuck, but judging from the look of shock on the latter’s face, it must’ve been from him. His eyes slowly trailed down to Donghyuck’s stomach, only to find it bleeding. “I didn’t… I didn’t mean to,” he whispered, horrified.

Tears were starting to blur his vision but he could still see Donghyuck falling to his knees, and then to his side, curling up into a ball from the pain. Renjun chucked his gun, not caring where it landed, and immediately went to the boy, gently placing his head onto his lap.

“It’s okay, Injun,” Donghyuck breathed out. His eyes were staring off into the distance, but Renjun could see he was trying his best to look at him. “I’m sorry for everything I said. I didn’t mean them. It was only to rile you up so you would shoot me.”

“Why the fuck would you want me to do that?” Renjun wiped his tears that fell onto Donghyuck’s face with his thumb, before deciding that was probably the least of Donghyuck’s concerns, moving to put his hand atop the boy’s and aid him in preventing more blood loss.

It seemed useless.

Donghyuck smiled weakly. It was a genuine one this time. “Because I want you to live your life, love. I don’t want to take it away from you just because you failed to kill someone innocent.”

Renjun sobbed. “I can’t– I can’t live my life without you, Donghyuck. I can’t.” He leaned down when Donghyuck reached a bloody hand to wipe his tears away. The gesture only made the blood smeared onto his cheek mix with his tears but Renjun didn’t mind.

“You have Jaemin, remember?” It was dark but he could still see Donghyuck’s tears roll down his temples, thanks to the moonlight streaming in from the windows, and Renjun would dry them for him only if he wasn’t busy putting pressure on his wound. “I know this may sound selfish but… I can’t live without Taeil hyung. So, thank you, Injun.”

He whimpered. “But Jaemin…”

“He’ll warm up to you.” Donghyuck brushed away some of Renjun’s silver strands that were covering his eyes. “He loves you a lot, and I know this. Probably as much as I love you.”

“But earlier–” he hiccuped, “–earlier, you said we’d both be dead anyway. What does that mean?”

“Ah, that.” Donghyuck’s breathing was slow now, and he took his time taking in deep breaths, chest rising and falling. “Originally, yes, I was supposed to kill you,” he began explaining. “But obviously I couldn’t do it. Even if I did kill you, Johnny hyung is gonna kill me next because… it was in Taeil hyung’s will.”

Renjun blinked in confusion, and more tears fell. “What?”

“Since our parents have passed, Taeil hyung inherited all their money as the oldest child. When Johnny hyung first joined the agency, he knew who our parents used to be, and that they were big shots. I now understand why he tried to woo my brother… because he wanted to be in Taeil hyung’s will. He succeeded, because it was written that when Taeil hyung dies, his money will go to Johnny hyung and I equally.” Donghyuck let out a shaky breath. “But he wants all of it.”

“No way.”

“I don’t want to die in anyone’s hands but yours, Injun. You’ve said so yourself, right?” Donghyuck chuckled but it only came out as a wheeze. “That I’m only allowed to die in your hands.”

His eyes were brimming with tears once more. “I didn’t mean it literally, you idiot!”

It was appalling how the warmth from the blood flowing out of Donghyuck’s stomach never ceased to seep into his glove no matter how much pressure he put on it. Renjun could also see that the boy was getting paler and paler with every passing minute.

“It’s okay. I’ve always wanted you to be the last person I see on my deathbed.” Donghyuck smiled, but he seemed sleepy. “I think being selfish once in a while wouldn’t hurt, right?”

It hurt Renjun a lot but he decided against voicing it out. Having Donghyuck’s last feeling being guilt wasn’t really ideal.

Donghyuck stared deep into Renjun’s eyes, blinking slowly as though he was on the brink of sleep. “I think it’s time I tell you the truth.”

Renjun could only nod, sniffling as he wasn’t sure how much more time Donghyuck had left.

“You were right. I know I’ve been telling you this, and as much as I hate to admit it, you’ve always been right, Injun.”

“It’s not the time for compliments.”

“Oh, hush,” Donghyuck said, more humour than anything. “The mission I went on with Taeil hyung the other day was so him and I could be eliminated. But they only got my brother, and I managed to escape… so Johnny hyung got mad. It kinda explains why he didn’t seem upset over Taeil hyung’s death.”

Renjun swallowed at the realisation. “Because he never actually…”

“Yeah, he never actually loved my brother. Which sucks because Taeil hyung deserved better.”

The way Donghyuck was still able to talk a lot albeit with a bit of difficulty with a bullet in his stomach was impressive. It was like he didn’t have pain receptors or something. There was hope in Renjun’s heart that his best friend would survive, but Donghyuck’s droopy eyelids said otherwise.

“Who were the men then?”

“I couldn’t really find out much, but I just know they go way back. Maybe his friends? I don’t know.”

“That’s fucking messed up,” Renjun muttered.

“Good thing I blew them up, huh?” Donghyuck’s voice came out softer, and if it wasn’t for the silence around them, Renjun probably wouldn’t have heard it. “Listen, Injun.”

The sudden seriousness made his heart drop and he pressed harder onto Donghyuck’s stomach. “Maybe shut up for once? You’re losing a lot of blood, Donghyuck, you talk too much. Less talking…” Renjun didn’t finish the sentence.

“I’m gonna die anyway. I need to tell you everything on my chest.”

The older boy exhaled heavily through his nose, blinking his tears away. He wasn’t ready to lose yet another important person in his life, especially someone who had played a significant role in shaping who he was today.

“We’re not gonna let Johnny hyung win, are we?” At Renjun’s shake of his head, Donghyuck said, “Good. The only way out of this is to kill him.”

“But–”

“Remember how I used to talk about the risk he puts himself in with having big ass windows in his office and never drawing the blinds?”

Renjun furrowed his brows. “You want me to take him out with my sniper rifle from the opposite building? Wait, but if I do that, who’s gonna run the organisation then?”

“Taeyong hyung,” replied Donghyuck. He was very weak now, and staying awake seemed like a very hard thing to do.

That name was familiar. Of course Renjun knew the man who always claimed to be ‘just an instructor’. He was in charge of training the trainees in the agency on the ways of using weapons, but one thing Renjun knew for sure was that Taeyong was highly skilled to be ‘just an instructor’.

“Why him?”

“He was supposed to be the head initially, but Johnny hyung stole that from him.”

It made sense now. Everything clicked.

How Johnny became leader in the span of 9 years, though it wasn’t exactly a surprise to Renjun, but it all seemed so real now.

“He kept insisting that he was ‘just an instructor’ because that’s what Mr Seo wants him to be – a mere instructor,” he connected the dots together.

Donghyuck nodded feebly, breaths shallow. “Take this as…” he gasped for air. “As doing Taeyong hyung a favour, and also my dying wish.”

“No, stop saying that!” He wished he could stop crying just so his tears wouldn’t fall on Donghyuck’s face like raindrops.

“I left Mark hyung and Chenle a note so… so they would understand. I’m sure they’ll understand. They won’t put the blame on you for this or anything. It’s okay, Injun,” Donghyuck reassured him. He slowly closed his eyes, the last of his tears streaming down the sides of his head. “You can leave me here now.”

“No, no, no. Stay awake, Hyuck, you can’t leave me!” With a bloody hand, Renjun shook him gently, his other hand still placed over Donghyuck’s wound.

Donghyuck cracked his eyes open just the slightest. “You’re the greatest friend I could ever ask for. Thank you for everything. I love you so much, Huang Renjun.” He gave the warmest smile Renjun had ever seen in his whole life, one that just radiated sunshine and reminded him of sunflowers. “Be happy, Injun. I’ll be happy now, too.”

Happy was not what he felt when Donghyuck’s eyes fluttered closed and the movement of his chest stopped, indicating that he wasn’t breathing anymore.

Renjun could only stare in disbelief, his eyes dried up of tears so nothing would come out anymore. Donghyuck appeared to be at peace, like he was just sleeping after a long day of work in Renjun’s lap, and back then he used to do this. Now, Renjun couldn’t help but just _look_ , as though the boy would wake up if he just stared longer.

But Donghyuck didn’t, because he was in eternal sleep.

“No…” he whispered, but he didn’t know to whom. He slowly lifted the boy’s head, carefully placing it onto the ground before he got up to his feet, grabbing Donghyuck’s gun and his not too far away.

One step, and Renjun fell to the ground, wailing. His heart hurt too much and he thought he could die from it. He clutched his chest, scratching and clawing at it in hopes the pain would go away.

But it never did, eating him from the inside.

Renjun’s throat hurt now and his cries were coming out hoarsely. He tugged his gloves off, wiping his hands on his black pants, but the bloodstains were still there, painting his hands crimson.

He didn’t know what to do anymore and he wasn’t able to think straight. He took one last look at Donghyuck’s body before running down the stairs and into the night.

—

“No, I am not giving you another one. Oh God, how do I ask someone to kindly leave?”

Renjun ignored Lucas’ complaints and continued shoving his glass into the other boy’s hands despite his protests. “Customer is always right.”

“Not when you’re trying to die of alcohol poisoning when I’m responsible here!” Lucas countered and grabbed the shot glass out of Renjun’s hold, putting it at a distance.

Another bartender came from behind Lucas, his blonde hair quite striking in the dim lighting of the bar. He snickered. “C’mon, Lucas, just give him what he wants. Customers like him are the reason our pockets aren’t empty.”

“Oh, shut up, Dejun.” Lucas snapped his head towards his colleague to fix him an annoyed glare. “You’re definitely not gonna receive your paycheck this month if you don’t stop slacking off to makeout with Hendery in the backroom.”

Dejun raised his arms up in mock surrender. “The hell, man?” He clapped Lucas on the shoulder, making him stumble forwards, almost toppling over the counter and onto Renjun if not for his quick reflex, placing his hands on the table to stop his fall. “Got a stick up your ass? Maybe you should let loose with your friend over there and drink with him,” he laughed loudly before walking away to tend to the other people in the bar.

A grin made its way to Renjun’s lips as he looked at the bartender through half-lidded eyes. “Yeah, maybe you should drink with me, Lucas.”

Lucas smoothed out the creases on his white button up and fixed his bowtie. He faced Renjun again with an unamused look. “No.”

“Okay, then maybe you could at least give me another drink.”

“No to that, too.”

Renjun whined like a child and slammed his head onto the table. Good thing he was one more shot away from blacking out, so he wasn’t in the right state to feel the sharp pain in his head, or if his brain turned upside down.

This made Lucas panic. “What the fuck, Renjun? Fine, I’ll give you another glass, damn. You dying of alcohol poisoning is a bit more convenient than having to clean your brain matter off this counter.”

The liquid vanished in an instant, as if the glass had never even been refilled the moment Renjun was handed it. The burn in his throat distracted him just a second from the pain in his heart. He had never been an emotional drunk before, but there was a first for everything, he realised as he felt a single tear roll down his cheek.

Renjun wiped it away with his free hand, glowering down at the dampness, until he felt warmth on his right hand. It was Lucas’ big one covering his which was still wrapped around the glass, reassuring.

He bent down and rested his elbows on the table, getting on eye level with Renjun. “Seriously, what is it that you’re going through?” Lucas seemed genuinely concerned, if his big imploring eyes and knitted brows were anything to go by. “Last time you were drinking your ass off, and tonight you come in here looking like you just went to hell and came back. Your hair’s a mess, your face is dirty and you were limping.”

Perhaps it was the alcohol in his hazy mind, or it was because what Lucas said was, in fact, the truth, but Renjun couldn’t find it in himself to deny it. It was true that earlier he was running and running, not even once looking back, terrified of himself and what he’d done. He didn’t give in even if it almost felt like his lungs were collapsing and his legs were burning, and the scratch on the side of his knee was stinging.

He came to notice that all he’d been doing was run away like a coward instead of facing his problems head on. Would it be wrong of him to be surprised that his life started to go to shit because of it?

Donghyuck had said it was okay, but it was far from okay.

Killing your best friend was never okay.

But Renjun already had too many regrets and remorse was the only thing he’d been feeling for the past week. After all, Donghyuck had told him to live his life happily, right?

So, once again, he found himself at this familiar place, somehow feeling at home even if Lucas’ form of greeting when he saw Renjun staggering into the bar like he was already drunk was a startled look, a roll of his eyes and a heavy sigh.

He was able to wipe any trace of blood clean from his hands and face, but was still left with dirt and sweat. It was better than being asked too many questions, suspicious ones most probably, and no choice but to answer. Renjun also didn’t want to relive the events of today.

He didn’t know if he could handle it.

Lucas was still staring at him so he gulped, uncertain of how he should respond to the question thrown at him. “I’m just going through a lot of things. It hurts so much and I still feel sober so could you–”

“I can’t give you any more shots but I can call someone for you.” Lucas held out a hand, curling his index and middle fingers several times, prompting Renjun to give him his phone. “Renjun,” he said firmly when the boy didn’t budge. “You have to be delusional to think that you’re still sober.”

“If you don’t plan on serving your customers, might as well just send your resignation letter to Kun, or whatever your boss’ name is,” Renjun grumbled but he probably only looked like an angry kitten with the way he was crying against his will, sniffling.

“Look, Renjun, my job is to serve the customers, not kill them.” Lucas was trying his best to not roll his eyes. “You’re one more drink away from a liver failure. Now give me your phone.”

Begrudgingly reaching into the pocket of his pants, he handed Lucas his phone with a huff. Then, he planted his face on his arms resting on the counter, sulking, and before he realised it, he was sobbing his heart out.

“That’s one tough heartbreak, buddy,” Lucas commented and patted his shoulder lightly. “Should I call Donghyuck?”

The cry Renjun let out was sure to get him kicked out of the bar in an instant if not for the loud music being blasted in the place and the hustle and bustle of the people.

“Okay, not Donghyuck.” There was guilt in Lucas’ tone, like he had said something wrong, something that triggered an awful memory for Renjun.

Because it did.

“He’s not here,” Renjun mumbled into his sleeves, his voice coming out muffled.

“What was that?”

His vision was blurry as he lifted his head up slightly, propping his chin on his arm now, tears still streaming down his face. But Renjun was too far gone and couldn’t care less. “He’s not here,” he repeated.

“Oh. Where did he go?” asked Lucas innocently.

With trembling lips and a fresh set of tears, Renjun placed his temple on his arms and closed his eyes. “Somewhere far away,” he whispered.

Lucas let out a hum. “I hope he comes back soon.”

“Me, too.”

Behind his eyelids, Renjun started envisioning him and Donghyuck playing tag in a meadow filled with sunflowers. He was chasing the other boy despite the sun beating down on them relentlessly, his feet taking big strides in whichever direction Donghyuck would go, the both of them wearing big smiles on their faces, and laughter filling the air.

It was when Donghyuck tripped that Renjun felt his heart sink in tandem with his best friend’s fall. Donghyuck was screaming and crying, like the pain he was feeling was unbearable, and Renjun was running. He was running and running towards Donghyuck, but with every step he took forwards, it was like Donghyuck kept getting further away from him.

Something was pulling him backwards and away from Donghyuck but Renjun wouldn’t give up. He kept moving, but it was no use. He was running in place and Donghyuck was far away, crying, calling out for him, but Renjun couldn’t _move_.

He was starting to feel exhausted, but he hadn’t moved an inch from the spot he was running in, hopelessly watching on as Donghyuck stayed on the ground, unable to move, cupping the injury on his knee. With tear filled eyes, he tried holding out a hand to Renjun, hoping they could reach each other, and Renjun did the same.

“Renjun! Renjun!”

But when Renjun had an arm outstretched, finally able to run towards Donghyuck, everything went black.

“Renjun!”

He jumped.

It was Lucas shaking him awake. The bartender clicked his tongue in annoyance. “You can’t just fall asleep before telling me who I should call for you.”

“Where’s Donghyuck?” he asked urgently.

Lucas frowned, confused. “You said he’s somewhere far away.”

At this, Renjun could literally feel his heart shatter into pieces when he processed the fact that he was only dreaming of his best friend, and he would imagine the sound of his heartbreak to be the exact same as the sound of the shot glass if he chucked it roughly to a wall.

He could feel the wave of sadness wash over him for the umpteenth time that night, threatening to drown him. Even in his drunken state, Renjun knew he was drained from crying a lot, so he laid his hands out palm up on the counter, deciding to focus on one spot on a hand.

But it proved to be a bad decision.

Renjun squinted his eyes, blinking multiple times at what he saw. His hands were covered in blood – _Donghyuck’s_ blood – and it was still fresh. The red liquid was dripping onto the table, moving to drop onto the floor.

He blinked.

It was gone.

Renjun blinked again.

His hands were covered in blood.

He bit back a scream, panic coursing through his veins as his heart raced, breathing becoming uneven. He wiped his hands frantically on his shirt, his pants, but the action had no effect.

“Renjun?”

He was crying now, but not out of sadness. It was fear.

The blood just wasn’t coming off no matter how hard he tried to remove them with every method he could think of.

He yelped when a hand grabbed his bloody wrist, making him halt his furious scratching on his palm.

“Renjun, what’s wrong?” Lucas’ mouth was hanging open like he’d just seen a ghost.

Maybe the ghost was Renjun because he was probably pale by now. “Tissue. I need it.”

“For your tears?” The bartender’s eyes flitted towards his hand for a split second. “Why are you scratching your palm like crazy?”

The blood was gone when Renjun blinked again. Now he just seemed silly. He held his head, punching it once. “I think I’m losing my mind.”

“Well, yeah. It must be the alcohol.” Lucas was still eyeing him warily. “Come on, let’s get you home.”

‘Home’ was now an unfamiliar word for Renjun. He didn’t know if there could be a home without Donghyuck.

He snapped out of his thoughts when his phone was being flourished in front of his face.

“Who will it be tonight?”

Renjun licked his lips. “Mark hyung.”

There were no questions asked anymore so he guessed Lucas must’ve figured out which one of his contacts was Mark, and soon, he brought the phone to his ear, ringing Mark’s number.

Renjun drowned out the conversation, and every single noise in the bar as he spaced out, slowly starting to feel numb. He didn’t know how much time had passed, how long it took Mark to get there. He only knew Mark was with him when a hand was gently placed on his shoulder, carefully grabbing his attention.

Renjun turned to see the owner of the hand but immediately regretted it, because the sympathy on Mark’s face as he took in the state Renjun was in made him want to cry again.

The older boy’s voice was soft when he said, “You don’t have to explain anything.” For that, Renjun was grateful. “I already know what happened. Let’s go home?”

Renjun shook his head, pouting. “I don’t wanna go back to my apartment. I can’t.”

Mark smiled at the act. He knew Renjun tended to behave like a child whenever he was a little bit too intoxicated. “I meant my place, Injun.”

“Yeah.” Renjun forcefully shut his eyes so he could see clearly without his tears making everything appear to be blobs. He gave a small genuine smile, finally feeling the tiniest bit of happiness bloom in his chest for once. “I like the sound of that.”

“Great.” Mark returned the smile before slamming several notes onto the table, turning to face Lucas. “I hope this is enough for whatever he drank earlier. And could you give him a glass of water?”

“Yeah, of course.” Lucas disappeared for a bit and came back with a bottle of water instead, giving it to Renjun. “You’ll need it.”

“Thanks.” He grunted when the cap of the bottle wouldn’t unscrew.

Mark quickly did it for him before he could throw a tantrum. “Can you walk, Injun?” he asked after Renjun had gulped down half the content of the bottle.

“My head’s spinning a little,” he answered truthfully.

The older boy only nodded wordlessly, bending down to place Renjun’s arm over his shoulder, then taking the bottle of water with him. “Up.”

Renjun obediently stood up from the stool, swaying just a little, thanks to Mark’s firm grip on his waist that kept him upright. He threw Lucas a grin. “Bye, Lucas!”

“Thanks for taking care of him.”

Lucas waved Mark’s words dismissively, saying that it wasn’t a big deal. Before they could get out of earshot, he called out to them again. “Renjun!”

Both Mark and Renjun turned to see what he had to say.

He was wringing the cloth in his hand, twisting and turning it as though he was nervous to say what he wanted to. Lucas finally settled for a big smile, even if it appeared to have a hint of sadness in it. “I really hope you’ll find your happiness soon.”

—

“These days, I feel like something bad is gonna happen to me.”

Jaemin had to squint his eyes due to the brightness of his phone screen in his bedroom, all the lights switched off.

It was nice to get to see his friends’ faces at last, even if it was through a video call. Jisung had a bowl of ramen in his hands, sitting cross-legged on his bed as he listened to Jaemin ramble, and Jeno was busy typing away on his laptop, working on a paper.

Jeno’s fingers stopped and he fixed his glasses as he faced the camera. “What, that your assassin boyfriend is gonna kill you?”

Jaemin flushed, eyes going wide. “He’s not my–!”

“Wait,” interrupted Jisung. “He’s an assassin for real? I thought we were joking.”

“Um,” was all Jaemin could say before he bit the inside of his cheek. He wasn’t sure if his friends were so set on hearing his answer, because soon, Jeno continued on with his assignment and Jisung was too distracted, slurping his food noisily. It was like they had completely forgotten about the topic already. Maybe it was best they didn’t know. “Anyways, how are you guys doing?”

“Eh, nothing much.” Jisung set his bowl down on his bed and leaned down so only his face could be seen on the screen. He fixed his bangs a bit before saying, “College is boring.”

A hum could be heard from Jeno’s end as he agreed. “Very. You’re lucky you don’t have to go to school anymore and could just take over your dad’s company,” he said, eyes never leaving the screen of his laptop and the movement of his fingers never once ceasing.

Jaemin frowned at the mention of taking over his father’s company. He didn’t need a reminder because he was fully aware of that fact, and the hell he had to go through everyday in order to be the perfect leader. He blew a raspberry as he shifted in bed, finding a comfortable position to lean on the headboard while half-sitting. “I miss you both. I wish I could see you everyday even if it meant having to attend boring lectures.”

Jeno chuckled, shutting his laptop and resting his head on the table, bringing his phone closer to his face. “Jisung and I don’t even attend the same classes, Jaemin. We’re in different majors.”

“You know, actually I think I want to drop out of college.”

“Jisung, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

Jaemin cleared his throat before they could get sidetracked. “Well, I think a student lifestyle would be better than what I have right now. It’s so boring and repetitive. Wake up, go to work, go through some papers, and then lunch, and then more work, and then go home and sleep. The pressure is way more intense than the pressure of having to get good grades. I know how students strive to be perfect, but the kind of perfect that I need to be is different. Like, if you make a mistake, you can just learn from it and work harder in your studies. But for me, there is literally no room for mistakes. Everyone, especially my dad, expects a lot from me, and I don’t know if I’ll do well as a leader. This task is just too big for me and I feel like I’d break under the pressure.”

He didn’t realise how much he’d had to ramble, only until he finished talking, throat a bit dry and his friends only staring back at him through the screen with wide eyes, like they hadn’t expected him to pour his heart out. Frankly, neither did Jaemin.

“Uh,” Jisung started, but shut his mouth. “That is pretty sad, I guess.”

“Jaemin, I’ve honestly never really thought about how all of this is affecting you.” Jeno’s bottom lip was jutting out. “I wish we could help you, but I don’t know what we can do to help.”

“I’ve gotta help myself first before letting you guys help me,” replied Jaemin, holding back his tears. He hoped his friends wouldn’t notice him about to cry. His room was almost pitch black.

“So… you don’t want to take over your dad’s company,” Jisung said it like he was trying to confirm with Jaemin again about something that he already knew, but was still unsure.

“No, I don’t think I will.”

—

When the door was pushed open, Renjun was greeted by the not unfamiliar place. He’d been here a couple of times, just enough to locate where the bathroom was.

In his half-asleep state, clinging onto Mark like his life depended on it, he had half a mind to say “I’m back!” out of habit before remembering this wasn’t his shared apartment with Donghyuck.

Chenle was by the entryway when he heard the clutter of noises as Mark tried to get Renjun’s boots off his feet. He had a crumpled note in his hand and an unreadable expression on his face as he eyed Renjun, maybe one of fear and worry mixed together. “Did you really do it?”

“Now’s not the time, Chenle,” Mark hissed from his position on the floor, kneeling while still struggling to remove the other shoe. “He needs a lot of rest.”

“I didn’t mean to,” muttered Renjun, already falling asleep just by leaning on the wall.

Mark stood up straight and dusted off his knees. “We know. It’s not your fault, Injun.” He tugged gently on Renjun’s arm, encouraging him to come inside and sit on the couch.

“Sorry,” Chenle said slowly, coming to sit next to them. “None of this is your fault.”

That was the last thing he heard before sleep took over him.

When he opened his eyes again, sunlight was trickling in through the curtains, and a cabbage was in front of him.

No, that was just Chenle.

“Sorry to wake you up like this but the boss wants to see you.”

Renjun closed his eyes again, moaning as he stretched his limbs, until he felt pain in his head. His hand flew to cradle it. “Fuck.”

“I figured you’d come up with a hangover. I’d try to make you something to eat but Mark hyung says not to touch anything while he’s out. Something about not risking me burning the place down,” Chenle said. “I can get takeout for you.”

Renjun groaned. “Yeah, no. I’ll be fine.”

The churning in his stomach would beg to differ.

Chenle wrinkled his nose at Renjun’s stubbornness. “We do have painkillers, though. But you still have to eat something,” the younger boy insisted. “I’ll just get you some cereal.”

Before he could make his way to the kitchen, Renjun grabbed his hand. “Why does Mr Seo want to see me on a Sunday?”

Chenle shrugged. “Beats me. I was just told to inform you.” He crouched down again to meet Renjun’s eyes. “You okay? I mean… physically of course, minus your headache. You don’t have to see him if you can’t.”

“No.” Determination was written all over Renjun’s face now. “I never back down in front of the enemy.”

—

He didn’t wait for permission to enter, not even knocking before turning the doorknob and pushing the door open.

Johnny, who had his back to him, looking out the big floor-to-ceiling window in his office, was surprised at the sudden entrance. “Oh, you’re here, Agent Huang.” He motioned towards the two seats in front of his desk. “Please, have a seat.”

The room was too bright, much to Renjun’s displeasure. Does this man ever draw the blinds?

His head was pounding as he watched Johnny move to sit after he had, and the fact that he was in Mark’s hoodie didn’t help because he wasn’t used to the scent of the fabric softener. It just wasn’t the one Donghyuck would use to wash their clothes back then. He gulped, hoping to swallow down his nerves as well. “You wanted to see me, sir?”

“Just ‘Johnny hyung’ is fine. But yes, I wanted to have a word with you.”

The way that sentence was worded had Renjun feeling like he’d done something wrong. He had a few things he could list down in his head.

“Impressive, Agent Huang,” Johnny continued. And then, he grinned. “You killed your own best friend.”

Now his heart hurt just as much as his head did, but worse.

The hood pooling behind his back shrunk as he pulled on the drawstrings, licking his lips. “If that was all that you wanted to tell me, it would’ve been nice if you could’ve waited until Monday, sir. No offense.”

A loud chuckle filled the room, and Johnny laughed so hard he had his head thrown back like a villain. “Actually, I have more I wanted to talk about with you.”

“Is it really that urgent, sir? I’m not feeling very well right now.” Renjun was straight up giving Johnny an attitude but he was too hungover to care.

“Why, yes. It is urgent.” Johnny leant forwards and placed his elbows on the desk. “Don’t you find it funny how you could kill the person you grew up with, but not a stranger whom you met, what, two months ago?”

He didn’t know if it was a good idea to argue or not. Renjun decided not to. “What are you trying to say, sir?”

Johnny’s expression became serious. “I just want to know why you haven’t killed Na Jaemin.”

“You want to know what I find funny?” Renjun challenged. “I find it funny how you’re so set on having me eliminate him.”

“You’re a contract killer, Agent Huang,” said Johnny with a scoff. “As your boss, I am simply reminding you of your task.”

“But the way you’re doing it makes me think that you have some kind of grudge against him. Or better yet, his father.” Renjun was doing it again – he was talking too much and he knew this. But that wouldn’t make him stop.

“Agent Huang, need I also remind you of what I’m capable of doing to you if you fail to complete an assignment?” Johnny banged a fist onto the table, smirking when Renjun flinched. “Or right now if you don’t talk less?”

Was that a death threat?

Renjun pursed his lips, but said nothing else, merely casting his gaze downwards. He wasn’t going to lie, he did feel a little scared.

But Johnny’s next words made him more scared of what he would do, what he was planning to do, and the fact that he was even considering it.

“Take out Na Jaemin and I’ll make sure no one in the agency knows that Donghyuck’s death was your fault.”

—

Out of all days, Jaemin didn’t know why his car had to break down on a weekday where he had to travel to and fro work. How very convenient it was that he had never used public transportation before since he had a driver to pick him up from school, so he wasn’t familiar with it. But after graduating, he wanted to be independent, and his father gifted him a car for his birthday, so the driver wasn’t needed anymore.

That was how he found himself walking home on the empty street tonight.

He had finished his work later than usual, meaning that he couldn’t even try to go on public transportation if he wanted to try. He sighed and checked his wristwatch.

_23:13_.

Jaemin hadn’t planned on staying back this late, but he really wanted to complete the things he’d been putting on hold for quite some time. If he wanted to be the perfect leader, he had to do efficient work – his father’s words.

He pulled his blazer tighter around his body when a cool breeze hit him.

All the shops were closed and only the streetlights accompanied him… or so he thought when he heard footsteps behind him.

Jaemin froze, and his heartbeat picked up.

The footfalls came closer before stopping probably just a meter away from him.

He debated whether he should turn around and face the person or just take off and hope the times he spent in track during school would help him save his life.

Jaemin chose to spin on his heels because leaders need to be courageous. “Oh.” He felt his heart skip a beat. “It’s you…” his eyes trailed towards the object in the person’s hand that was pointing at him. “And your gun.”

Renjun smiled, the same kind that he gave Jaemin on the first night they met each other – weirdly forced, trying to be genuine. He didn’t know for what reason. “Hey, Jaemin. Long time no see?”

“Yeah, it felt very long for me. I was hoping you’d reach out, but this is not what I expected,” Jaemin tried to sound calm. Half of him was thrilled to finally see the one he’d been missing and longing for, but the other half of him wanted to shit himself because oh my God, the person he loved was really about to kill him. “How’d you know I was here?”

Instead of replying, Renjun turned to his right to look at a café. Jaemin followed his line of sight and realised that it was the one where they went on their first date.

“Gut feeling,” Renjun finally said. He cocked his gun. “I know this is unexpected. I don’t want to do this either.”

“It’s okay.” Jaemin opened his arms and smiled brightly, accepting his fate. There was no better way to go than dying in the arms of the person he loved. “I understand. Just so you know, I still love you.”

Renjun stepped forward, and Jaemin could see from the light reflected on the gun that the boy was fingering the trigger. “No, you don’t.”

“I do.”

“Then why the fuck did you storm out of my apartment the other day?!” Renjun yelled. “Why didn’t you give me a fucking chance to explain? Why did you look at me with so much hatred in your eyes? Do you know how much that fucking hurt me?”

“I’m sorry,” said Jaemin quietly. “I guess I was just too shocked. I shouldn’t have reacted that way.”

A bitter laugh rolled out of Renjun’s mouth as he wiped away the tears that were starting to fall. “I think you had every right to react that way. But I was just hurt that you completely shut me out and didn’t let me explain, and called me a fucking liar when I told you that I loved you and my feelings were real. Fuck you, Jaemin,” he spat.

Each and every one of Renjun’s words were a stab to his heart but maybe Jaemin deserved it. “I was an ass, yeah I know. I’m really sorry.”

“Thanks for the apology.”

And then, it was silent.

Jaemin could only watch as Renjun’s shoulders shook violently with every sob he let out. “Please don’t cry, Injun.”

“Shut up,” the boy said harshly.

“Sorry.”

“Shut the fuck up, Na Jaemin!” Renjun was holding up his firearm with two hands now, probably to get a better aim with the way his right hand was trembling.

Jaemin dropped his briefcase to the ground, closing his eyes and biting his bottom lip as he raised his arms, ready for the hit. Because he didn’t want to shut up like Renjun told him to. “I love you.”

“Liar!” Renjun shouted.

“I love you.”

“I will literally kill you.”

Jaemin was unfazed. “I love you.”

“Jaemin.” He recognised it as a warning.

“I love you, Renjun.” If he were to die, he’d like these to be his last words.

No reply came and there was no telling what Renjun’s next move was. A gunshot could come any minute now.

Except it never did.

Jaemin’s eyes slowly fluttered open, only to see Renjun having already lowered his weapon, still crying.

He took big strides forward furiously, and Jaemin thought he was going to land a punch or two on him with how Renjun had his fists balled by his sides.

“Why are you making it so hard for me?” Renjun gritted his teeth.

Instead of a blow, Jaemin was met by soft lips on his.

—

The walk up the stairs was rather difficult, because they wouldn’t pull away from each other, mouths moving more compared to their feet.

Renjun was the first one to break the kiss, taking big gasps of air, fingers still tangled in Jaemin’s pink strands. He couldn’t help but giggle as he admired the way Jaemin looked, a pretty blush sitting on his cheeks above his swollen lips, gazing back at him with dark eyes. His tie was loose, and several buttons were undone thanks to Renjun. Unfortunately, Jaemin wasn’t one to stall things, so he didn’t get the chance to marvel in Jaemin’s fucked out look because the boy was already pulling him in by the nape to continue their kiss.

Despite already having grabbed the railing for safety, Renjun still somehow managed to trip when Jaemin’s tongue was introduced to his mouth, licking anywhere he could. The pleasurable sensation was short-lived as he screeched, missing Jaemin’s shoulders so now he had nothing to hold on to, only until the boy caught him by the waist.

Their faces were so, so close, and Jaemin bent down some more so he could whisper seductively in his ear. “Careful, pretty boy.”

“Not so pretty when I kill you.” Renjun faltered when Jaemin started to trail open-mouthed kisses down his jaw, sucking on a spot on his neck. His breath hitched.

Jaemin chuckled lowly, sending vibrations on sensitive skin and Renjun involuntarily whimpered. “Baby, I can feel your pulse. It’s so fucking fast.”

Renjun roughly tugged on Jaemin’s hair, causing the latter’s head to jerk backwards with a grunt. He could feel triumph mix with arousal in the lowest part of his stomach come over him. “If you don’t stop talking and fuck me right now, yours will be gone, kitten.”

Soon, they were on Jaemin’s bed, stripped off of almost every article of clothing, with Renjun only in his briefs, straddling Jaemin who still had his shirt on.

Pushing back his silver hair to get a clear view of Jaemin under him, he splayed his fingers across the younger boy’s exposed chest, finding joy at the way his eyes were shut tight in an instant, shuddering due to the contrast of temperature between his warm, sweaty skin and Renjun’s cold fingers. “Can I rip your shirt off?”

Jaemin’s eyes flew open. “What?”

“It’s a hassle to unbutton every button, Nana. Let me rip it off.” He didn’t wait for Jaemin’s reply before taking the fabric of his button up in his hold and unceremoniously tore the rest of the buttons apart that some of them came off. Then, he dipped his index finger below the waistband of Jaemin’s undergarment, slightly tugging on it. “This has to come off.” He let out a content hum when Jaemin obediently lifted his hips so Renjun could remove it, allowing his erection to spring free.

If Jaemin was red, he turned ever redder when Renjun raised a questioning brow at him when he handed the older boy a bottle of lube after Renjun had taken off his last piece of clothing. “Why are you so surprised that I keep lube in my drawer? A man has his needs, okay…” Jaemin mumbled shyly.

“Nothing,” Renjun said with a laugh. He ruffled Jaemin’s pink locks, accepting the bottle and pouring a copious amount onto his palm. “That’s cute, Nana.”

He made Jaemin watch as he slowly stretched himself open, adding one finger at a time when he was able to withstand the tiny pain. Admittedly, it did sting a little because it had been quite some time since he had his ‘me time’, too busy with work or just exhausted.

Renjun loved how Jaemin licked his lips as though he was starved of something, and the thing he needed to devour the most was none other than Renjun. His eyes were glued to the way Renjun’s hole swallowed his index and middle finger, making them disappear and reappear with every thrust, each sound that left Renjun’s lips making Jaemin more eager to fuck him silly already.

But Renjun seemed to have other plans as he swatted away Jaemin’s hand that was reaching to stroke his hard on with his free one the moment he added a third finger. “Hands off,” he said sternly.

“Sorry.” Jaemin looked like a kicked puppy.

After a painfully slow amount of time (for Jaemin at least), Renjun decided that he was prepped enough. He slid his fingers out and yanked on Jaemin’s tie so their faces could be mere inches apart. “Now be a good boy for me.” He shoved Jaemin away and made sure the boy was in a comfortable position while leaning against the headboard, all before he fixed Jaemin’s necktie and paused.

The pink haired boy only looked up at him, a bit of confusion on his face. The expression was gone when his tie was done tighter, more than what should be considered normal. His eyes went wide and he grabbed Renjun’s wrist. “Inju–”

“Hush.” He adjusted the tie even more tautly, but not enough to cut off Jaemin’s airflow completely. Of course Renjun would know how much was too much, to what extent it would kill. Jaemin was writhing underneath him and he fixed him a glare. “Be a good boy,” he repeated.

Jaemin immediately quieted down and bit his lip, afraid of doing the wrong thing. His grip on Renjun’s wrist went slack, moving to place his hands on the older boy’s hips instead.

“That’s it,” he said, nodding. Renjun aligned Jaemin’s cock with his hole, slowly sinking down, burying his face in the crook of Jaemin’s neck as he sucked in a breath through his teeth. It hurt, but it was the good kind of hurt. He’d been so Jaemin-deprived for the past few weeks that he couldn’t give a damn anymore.

“So good.” Jaemin’s voice was right next to his ear, breathless. “So tight.”

Renjun wanted so badly to see what kind of expressions Jaemin was pulling right now, to see if his face was contorted in pleasure, or maybe if he had a dazed look, or if his blush had deepened. But he couldn’t. He didn’t want Jaemin to see his tears. “I’m sorry,” he said with every move, eventually getting used to the intrusion.

Jaemin was panting heavily but he still managed to speak. “I am, too.”

“I missed you, Jaemin.” He left a tender kiss on the junction between his neck and shoulder. “A lot.”

A relatively high pitched moan left Jaemin’s lips as Renjun clenched around his length. “I– I missed you a lot, too, Injun.”

Finally, he undid Jaemin’s tie, releasing the pressure from the boy’s throat. He kissed Jaemin’s pulse point, feeling the rapid beating on his lips. He smiled. “I love you, Jaemin.”

Suddenly, he was being lifted into the air, gasping, then slammed onto the bed on his back.

Jaemin was hovering above him now, staring him down with a frown. He peeled off his button up along with his tie and threw them somewhere in the room. “Why are you crying?”

The question only made Renjun tear up further. He shook his head, hoping Jaemin would get the message that it was nothing to be worried over. “A lot… a lot has been going on, honestly. It’s too much for me, but right now… right now I’m just so happy to be with you.”

“Stop crying,” Jaemin chastised, thumbing his cheeks, but it was futile because the tears just kept coming.

“Sorry.” Renjun held Jaemin’s wrist, keeping it in place and leaned into the touch, closing his eyes in bliss. “I’m sorry for everything.”

“Hey, it’s fine. Look at me.”

He slowly opened his eyes, sniffling when Jaemin wiped his tears once more.

“It’s fine, okay, Injun? I’m sorry for a lot of things, too.” Jaemin caressed the underside of Renjun’s left eye with his thumb before moving on to the corner of his mouth. “Please don’t cry. It breaks my heart to see you like this.”

Renjun’s lips were quivering. “I’ve broken your heart once. I don’t want to do it again.”

“You won’t.” Jaemin swooped down to slot their lips together, swallowing all of the noises Renjun made as he entered him once more. He moved to kiss the older boy’s nose, then his forehead.

Renjun weakly brushed away the pink strands of hair that were matted to Jaemin’s sweaty forehead. “Please don’t leave me,” he pleaded.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Jaemin whispered. Renjun thought his eyes held all the love the world could offer as he looked at him with the gentlest smile on his face, like Renjun was the most precious thing in the universe. “I’ll stay by your side for as long as you want me to.”

Someone dear to him once said that being selfish once in a while wouldn’t hurt. So, Renjun didn’t hesitate before saying, “I want forever.”

“I can do forever,” Jaemin murmured after pecking at the spot below his ear.

It didn’t take long before Jaemin’s thrusts became shallow, and for Renjun’s staccato moans to turn into long, drawn out whines as the certain bundle of nerves inside of him was found. He tried finding purchase on the crumpled bed sheets below him, but Jaemin was quick to bring their hands together, interlacing their fingers.

The gesture made him feel something in his stomach, alongside the very tight coil that was getting tighter and tighter to the point that it was unbearable. Renjun didn’t have time to ponder on what that feeling was when his climax was approaching very soon. “I’m close.”

Jaemin kissed the corner of his mouth once, twice. “I love you, Renjun.”

They reached their highs together.

—

“I’m sorry that I never let you explain.”

Renjun was drawing hearts on Jaemin’s chest with his finger, laying his head on the latter’s arm, legs tangled with the boy’s. He craned his neck to meet his eyes, pulling his body closer so he could feel Jaemin’s body warmth. “I know, Jaem. You’ve said so several times and I appreciate it.”

“No, you don’t understand.” Jaemin grabbed Renjun’s wrist, effectively halting his mini art session. “I feel a whole lot more like the worst terrible asshole ever now that you’ve told me the whole story.”

Renjun had enlightened Jaemin about the whole situation, how everything was just a big misunderstanding.

First, he started with the fact that he already knew Jaemin used to have an older brother from Donghyuck, and how said older brother had a lover. And that lover was now his boss, the head of an assassination organisation who had stolen the position from another agent, namely Taeyong, just so he could plot revenge against Jaemin’s father by killing his son, the only heir to the company, taking advantage of how much his business meant to him.

By taking out Jaemin, this would mean doom to the company because no change of ownership could take place since his father was hell-bent on only passing it down his bloodline, eventually having to close down the company. Johnny really had waited nine years, until the year Jaemin would be as old as his brother, prime time for his father’s company to be in his hands.

When Renjun discovered that Jaemin was merely used as a puppet for Johnny’s sick game, a victim for him to watch the downfall of the person who killed his lover for entertainment, Renjun had done everything in his power to delay Jaemin’s elimination, trying to talk to Johnny and discuss with Donghyuck, but nothing worked out.

Everything had gone downhill after that – the fight with Jaemin when he tried to tell him the truth, and the mission where Johnny sent Donghyuck to kill Renjun because he hadn’t completed his mission in his given time.

It would’ve been Johnny’s gain either way whether Donghyuck and/or Renjun died. But with Donghyuck’s death, Renjun had the upper hand to defeat Johnny, if he was smart and careful enough and essentially talked less maybe.

But that didn’t mean he was proud of himself for killing his own best friend.

Then, Johnny had made a deal with him – if he took Jaemin out, the fact that Renjun’s hands were stained with Donghyuck’s blood would be kept as a secret between them.

Clearly Renjun wasn’t thinking straight when he accepted it, tracking Jaemin down and following him, making up his mind to kill him once and for all. But Jaemin just had to tell Renjun he still loved him, debunking all of Renjun’s theories that Jaemin despised him and wanted nothing to do with him.

That was how they ended up here.

Renjun blinked slowly, freeing his hand of Jaemin’s hold so he could continue drawing random shapes. He positioned his head so he was laying right on top of Jaemin’s heart, hearing the calming rhythm of it. “Yes, Jaemin, you were an ass and I was hurt. But you’ve also apologised multiple times and I’m over it now.” He reached for the boy’s hand and intertwined their fingers. “What’s more important is that you’re here with me right now.”

Jaemin swallowed audibly. “I can never imagine losing a best friend.”

“It does hurt like hell. I feel like there’s one big gaping hole in my heart that can never make it whole ever again. Like, the missing part is just too big, that my heart is almost empty.” Renjun closed his eyes, listening to the slow thumping of Jaemin’s heart. He could fall asleep just like this. “But honestly, if you’re with me, I feel like I could power through anything.”

“You’re such a sap.” Jaemin kissed the top of his head.

Renjun scoffed. “Says you.”

The sound of Jaemin’s laughter was too loud in Renjun’s ear so he removed the boy’s arm from below him, moving to lay on the pillows, staring lovingly at Jaemin. He returned the grin Jaemin gave him.

“So what’s your plan now?” Jaemin questioned him.

Renjun’s gaze travelled down to the marks he left on Jaemin’s neck, tapping on one lightly. He hummed. “Johnny’s the only person preventing us from being together. Guess I have no choice but to kill him.”

Jaemin’s Adam’s apple bobbed up and down as he swallowed, shifting to lay on his side and face Renjun. “There’s actually another person.”

“Who?” Renjun didn’t receive an answer because Jaemin only pulled him closer and snuggled in his chest, and Renjun could smell the shampoo Jaemin had used earlier.

“You’re part of an organisation, right?” Jaemin asked and Renjun giggled from the ticklish feeling on his skin. It didn’t mean he hadn’t noticed Jaemin was trying to shift the conversation topic somewhere else, but he decided not to comment on it. “Do you have, like, a strong drug that could put someone to sleep forever?”

“I’ll try asking Jungwoo hyung,” Renjun replied without much thought. Then, he realised. He sat up abruptly with a frown, looking down to meet Jaemin’s puppy eyes from the loss of skinship. “Wait, what do you need it for?”

—

Renjun adjusted his hold on the case of his sniper rifle, shifting nervously in front of the place he was in. The underground lab was a lot more colder than he’d expected, shivering when the temperature became too much. He pressed on the button of the intercom placed next to the big opaque sliding door that led to what could be compared to a pharmacy.

“Who is it?” an airy voice flowed through the speakers of the device.

He pressed on it again. “Uh, Renjun.”

“Oh, Injunnie!” the voice chirped happily. “Be there in a sec.”

True to the person’s words, he didn’t have to wait long before the grey doors slid open to reveal a… bloodshot Jungwoo clad in a white lab coat, safety goggles tight around his head. If Renjun didn’t know better, he would’ve thought Jungwoo had been crying before he came here.

“What brings you here?” he asked as he pulled Renjun in for a half hug.

Renjun wondered briefly if he could get high from the smell of weed on someone’s clothes. He scrunched his nose before retracting from Jungwoo’s hold. “I was thinking if, by any chance, you have some type of drug that could put someone to sleep forever?”

Jungwoo gasped, tugging on Renjun’s arm to hug him again, much to his dismay, stroking his head. “I heard what happened, Injun, but this isn’t it. Don’t do that. If you need someone to talk to–”

“No!” he gently pushed the man away, a bit lightheaded. “What did you hear specifically?” he licked his lips. He hated the way his heart dropped to his stomach.

Surely Johnny couldn’t have found out that Jaemin was still alive and decided to tell everyone that Renjun was the one who killed Donghyuck?

“About Hyuckie?” Jungwoo seemed confused because Renjun wasn’t aware of the obvious. “I hope you’ll be fine soon, Injun.” He patted Renjun’s shoulder. “I know it’s gonna take some time to move on, but you need to understand that his chance of dying is very high because of his line of work.”

“Oh.” Jungwoo didn’t know who actually caused the death. Renjun wanted to let out a sigh of relief. “I could’ve prevented it, though…” he mumbled.

“No, you can’t, Injunnie. It’s no use blaming yourself, because it wasn’t your fault, alright?” Jungwoo was unexpectedly wise despite being stoned. Maybe it was talent. “I know Hyuckie would want you to be happy, so chin up.”

This brought a smile to Renjun’s face. “Yeah, okay, I will. Thanks, hyung.” He bit his lip. “So, about the drug? It’s for something else, don’t worry.”

“Yeah, I do actually. Come in!”

Inside, there were shelves of drugs that Renjun didn’t know existed. Some were in the form of pills, some liquid, some were powders in plastics, and he shuddered at the sight of injection needles.

He was too distracted with all the substances Jungwoo had made that he hadn’t realised the man had stopped walking in front of him. He cursed when he bumped into Jungwoo’s back. “Sorry.”

“It’s here,” Jungwoo announced proudly, gesturing to the bottle of white pills sitting on yet another shelf.

Upon further inspection, Renjun noticed the manufacture date was somewhere in April. He tried to recall if he’d seen Jungwoo around that time, and was brought back to the memory of him carrying a baguette in the elevator when Renjun was on the way home. “Hold on… were these the new drugs that you wanted me to test out?”

“Yeah,” Jungwoo said casually. “I made these not too long ago.”

“What the fuck? I could’ve died!”

Jungwoo only shrugged. “I thought it was a Gen Z thing to want to die.”

Renjun only gaped at him in disbelief.

Boisterous laughter resonated in the lab and Jungwoo lightly punched his shoulder. “Relax, Injun. I wasn’t gonna try it out on you and not tell you what it exactly is beforehand. I’m still rational, okay.”

Well, Renjun hoped so. “What’s the success rate of this drug?”

Jungwoo grabbed the bottle, shaking it once to hear the rattling sounds of the pill. “I haven’t actually tested it out, though. But it should work.” He then eyed the case Renjun was carrying. “Do you need this for your next assignment?”

“Oh, nope. It’s for… something else.” Renjun didn’t know either because Jaemin never specified what he needed the drug for.

Jungwoo hummed and nodded, placing the bottle in Renjun’s free hand. “You can have this. All the best for your mission.”

Renjun beamed. “Thanks, hyung. And for these, too.” He flourished the bottle. “I’m actually going on a mission to put an end to madness later.”

Jungwoo whistled. “Very ambitious. I love the sound of that.”

—

Going on an unofficial mission that he wasn’t sent on almost felt illegal, only if he hadn’t done more illegal things in his life.

Renjun made his way up the stairs of the office building, careful not to make any sound. His breathing was rather ragged.

He figured maybe there were three more floors left. There was no way he could know for sure because he was alone in this. But knowing that Donghyuck was watching him from above put him at ease.

Renjun couldn’t take the elevator because it was too risky. Security cameras were everywhere and the last thing he needed was having his face detected, consequently revealing his identity.

He huffed as he took two steps at a time now, thinking back to his cozy apartment that he used to share with Donghyuck, laughing together and all the bickering they did every single day, his comfy bed where he could snuggle with his Moomin plushie and the addition of Donghyuck whenever he had a nightmare, his roommate always willing to comfort him and sing him to sleep, his sketchbook that he would pick up on days where he was off from work, and the compliments he would receive from Donghyuck whenever the boy went through his art…

Today just wasn’t one of those days, and those days will only be fond memories that Renjun would cherish forever.

He was asked to eliminate Johnny, as requested by Donghyuck, and he would do anything for his best friend. He would also do anything to keep Jaemin safe.

Renjun stopped when he finally reached the landing, crouching to catch his breath. “For Donghyuck,” he panted.

Pushing the door to the rooftop open, Renjun squinted his eyes at the sunlight. He forced his eyes to quickly adjust to the brightness, hurriedly taking out his firearm and getting into position, laying on the ground on his stomach.

He could see Johnny’s office from here through the scope, getting the best view of him inside the room, courtesy of his blinds that were never drawn. The man was occupied with sorting out the messy stacks of files on his table, unsuspecting of what was to come.

Donghyuck had always thought big windows were dangerous, especially when the blinds were not drawn. Right now, Renjun would agree.

He fingered the trigger and held his breath, counting to three. “Goodbye, _Johnny hyung_.”

He pulled his finger backwards.

Johnny slumped onto the table.

—

Jaemin tapped his pen repeatedly on his desk, biting his lip out of habit whenever he was deep in thought. The paper in front of him was still void of any letters as he was still contemplating on what to write. He heaved out a sigh, twisting the pen around his fingers while spinning around in his leather chair.

He had gone out of his way to come to work earlier than usual, yawning when he was reminded of the time. It was currently 7ish in the morning and the office was still empty since everyone normally started coming in by 9.

But his father would arrive by 8. And Jaemin had to get to him before anyone else could.

Back when he was in school, Jeno and Jisung would tell him that he had a specialty in forging people’s handwritings. Jaemin had used this for his benefit whenever he had to write a letter for a sick leave, copying his father’s handwriting because the man was almost never home, or when Jaemin wanted to go on a school field trip and needed parental consent, and by the time he was in high school, he was able to perfectly do his father’s signature.

He eyed the bottle of pills on his table that Renjun had given to him two days ago and the corners of his mouth lifted upwards. He started moving his pen before making his way to the pantry.

Jaemin knew how his father liked his coffee; bitter with just one teaspoon of sugar. A shot of lethal drug was definitely not on the list, but Jaemin added it in for extra flavour.

With a gloved hand, he pushed the door to his father’s office open, carrying the cup carefully and placing it onto the table. Jaemin fished out the note he had written prior to making the drink from his pocket, hiding it in a place where people were bound to find it but his father. He decided that below the keyboard was good.

Jaemin’s head snapped towards the source of the noise. He knew it was the beeping of the keypad from outside. It was five minutes past eight. His father was here.

“Morning, dad!” he greeted happily, stepping out of his father’s office and towards the main entrance where his father stood. “I made you coffee. Be sure to drink it while it’s hot.”

“You’re here early,” his father remarked. “Thank you, Jaemin.” He shifted his hold on his briefcase from his left hand to the right. “Have a great day at work.”

Jaemin smiled. “You, too.”

_I am taking this opportunity to apologise to everyone I have hurt before. I know this is very sudden but I have decided that I can no longer bear to live with a lie. The death of my eldest son, Na Jaehyun, was the fault of my own selfishness. I have told every news outlet to cover it up and proclaim that the accident was none other than his mistake. For that, I am deeply sorry._

_To my dearest wife, I apologise for not being able to be a good husband. You definitely deserved better. Sorry for never giving you the love that you needed and for always putting my work before you. I’m sure you already know this, but I don’t have any hard feelings towards your decision of splitting up years ago because I knew that was what’s best for you. I hope you’ll continue to live a happy life._

_Last but not least, to Na Jaemin, the heir of this company. You’ve done a great job. Thank you for doing your best while training to become the perfect leader. I’m sorry for not allowing you to live your life outside of work because I was afraid of you being distracted. I was wrong. Go on and build your happiness with the person you love, because I have ultimately decided to close down my company._

_With that being said, all my money will go to my only son, Jaemin._

_Sincerely,_  
_Na Jumin_

—

Funerals were supposed to be sad.

Instead, Renjun found himself thinking that perhaps he was the happiest person alive. On his right, Chenle was occasionally squeezing his shoulder as a form of moral support and Mark had his hand in his on his left as they watched the casket being lowered into the ground.

Renjun exhaled shakily, loosening his tie a little. It still hadn’t hit him that everything was finally over.

There was no more threat hanging over his head and Jaemin wasn’t in danger anymore. At the thought of him free to spend forever with Jaemin, he unknowingly broke into a smile, only until Chenle elbowed him. Renjun scowled at the boy.

“The hell are you smiling like an idiot for?” he asked in Mandarin. “People are gonna think you killed the boss or something,” the boy snickered before schooling his facial expression into that of a serious one.

“Let them think whatever,” Renjun whispered, just audible for Chenle, winking.

“Quiet, guys. Taeyong hyung’s saying something,” came Mark’s voice.

“–the passing of our head, Seo ‘Johnny’ Youngho,” Taeyong said, a solemn look on his face as he clasped his hands together in front of him. “We need to appoint a leader quickly in order for our organisation to run smoothly once again.”

“There are no questions,” someone spoke up. It was Sicheng. “You’re the only one who’s best suited for that role.”

Taeyong’s eyebrows rose as if he had just been told something that made no sense. “Huh? But I’m just an instruct–”

“We all know that’s bullshit.”

“Language, Yangyang,” said Ten strictly. Then, he turned to Taeyong with a warm smile. “Yeah, we all know what happened. You were supposed to be head but Johnny took that away from you. Sorry that we couldn’t interfere. We were too scared because he seemed so powerful, what more that he was able to overpower you and made you believe you were a mere instructor.”

There was a chorus of agreements between everyone who was present there.

“Come on, Taeyong hyung,” Jungwoo said loudly so his voice could be heard among the growing chatter. “We all know you’re capable of leading us. Even better than Johnny did, if I may add. There was just something off about him but I can’t tell what.”

More distinct murmurs, and Mark had to tell them to quiet down because they were still at a funeral.

“Really?” Taeyong seemed like he was close to tears. “I guess I can’t say no.”

They were all cheering softly and this time, Renjun didn’t bother hiding his wide smile, not when his friends were praising him.

“Well done, Renjun,” Mark whispered in his ear.

Chenle gave him a nod. “Donghyuck hyung would be proud of you.”

—

“We’re sorry for your loss.”

Jaemin was only able to acknowledge those words with a polite smile and a small ‘thank you’ to the faceless people, people whom he was sure he knew but decided to forget. He wasn’t sure why they were sorry for him when he’d inherited all of his father’s money and didn’t carry the burden of having to be the CEO anymore.

His mother didn’t come and Jaemin was unsure if he felt happy about it or not. Not that he would blame her for taking a raincheck on her late ex-husband’s funeral.

Jeno and Jisung approached him the moment the crowd had dispersed after the burial, patting him on the shoulder as he squatted down next to the grave.

Jaemin accepted the rose Jisung gave him and sniffed it. “Don’t give me your condolences,” he said coldly with his back facing them, sensing the tension.

“But, Jaemin–”

“I’m fine, Jeno, don’t worry.”

“Too fine that you didn’t even shed tears,” Jisung said.

Jaemin could just chuckle. If only they knew.

“So, now that the company is officially closed down and you’re free to do whatever you want, what’s your plan?” Jeno threw the most important question, one that Jaemin knew the answer was what nobody was ready for.

He stood up and threw the flower onto the pile of soil his father laid under six feet below, bringing his two best friends into a hug and laughed joyfully when Jeno and Jisung complained as he rubbed their cheeks together with his own. “I think I’m gonna move away with my assassin boyfriend.”

—

He wiped the beads of sweat forming on his forehead with the back of his hand as he packed the last of his belongings into a box. Only his Moomin plushie was left on the bed and he decided to carry it with him instead of packing it away.

“Hey, Injun!” Mark called him from Donghyuck’s room. “We’re almost done here.”

“I’m coming!” he laid the pink hoodie he borrowed from Jaemin on his bed, checking his closet one more time to make sure he didn’t leave anything behind. Then, he went over to Donghyuck’s bedroom, feeling waves of nostalgia hit him as he breathed in the familiar scent of his late best friend. He willed himself to not cry (he really had to stop doing that, what if he became dehydrated from crying too much?), facing Mark and Chenle. “You’ve got everything in?”

“Yup!” Chenle moved up and down from where he was sitting on the edge of Donghyuck’s bed and gestured towards the two boxes in the room, his green hair bouncing wildly as well.

“But we didn’t know what to do with his laptop, though.” Mark pointed to the device on Donghyuck’s desk.

Renjun ran his hand through his hair, thinking. “I think I’ll take that with me. Anything else?”

“Nope.” Chenle got onto his feet and went by Mark’s side.

“Yeah, I don’t think so,” agreed Mark.

Renjun hummed. “We’re good to go then.” He made his way out of the room but stopped when he was called again.

“Wait, actually…” Chenle started but never finished his sentence.

Naturally, Mark did it for him. “There’s one more thing Donghyuck wanted us to do.” He lifted up a key, probably to some apartment, showing it to Renjun. “Donghyuck wanted us to clear up Taeil hyung’s place, too.”

Renjun pulled a face. “Johnny’s stuff is also there.”

“We know but…” Mark trailed off.

“It’s what Donghyuck hyung wants.”

He pressed his lips into a thin line before wetting them. “Okay, then.”

Before leaving the apartment he used to share with Donghyuck, Renjun took one last good look at it.

The kitchen where he would have homemade meals (most times) with Donghyuck was spick and span now. The dishes were stored neatly on the dish rack and Donghyuck’s red apron that could always be found hanging on one of the chairs was no longer in sight, already kept away by Mark and Chenle. The place held many memories, and the most memorable ones were Donghyuck hitting him with a spatula whenever Renjun got on his nerves, or the one time Donghyuck was passed out drunk while Renjun only laughed at him, sipping on his banana milk.

He moved to the living room. Donghyuck spent most of his time here on weekends, playing games on his console where Renjun would join him at times, or just taking naps on the couch. Renjun had decided to leave the console behind, hoping Donghyuck wouldn’t mind the next people who would stay in this apartment using it.

But there was one more thing.

“The ugly grandfather clock!” he gasped.

Mark and Chenle turned to give him a bemused look.

“What?” the oldest one among them asked as though Renjun had gone crazy.

“I mean, that clock.” He motioned to the object in the corner of the room. “I can’t leave it here. It has a sentimental value to it.”

“You just called it ugly,” Chenle deadpanned.

“Yeah, I said that to Hyuck but he still bought it anyway. I have a memory attached to it.” The hole in his heart reminded him of its place in there and it hurt, but not as much. Maybe Renjun was starting to move on step by step. “Could you guys maybe… take it in?”

Chenle’s gaze flickered to Mark, asking for approval since the latter was the one who was in charge back at their place.

Mark shrugged. “I don’t see why not.”

—

_“What are you doing here?”_

_Renjun startled at the sudden voice, the back and forth rocking of the swing set he was on coming to a halt as he hastily wiped his tears away. He looked up to see the person the voice belonged to._

_It was a boy who seemed to be his age, cheeks so round it reminded him of choco balls with his pretty honey-hued skin. The boy was looking at him curiously._

_“Who are you?” he asked apprehensively. Renjun didn’t know why someone would go to the playground this late into the night, even if it was ironic of him to wonder such a thing. But he had his reasons._

_“I’m Donghyuck.” The boy extended his hand._

_Renjun licked his lips and swallowed, eyeing the hand warily. He held his Moomin plushie with his left hand in favour of accepting the handshake. “Renjun, but you can call me Injun. That’s my Korean name.”_

_Donghyuck beamed, as if he was happy to have made a new friend. “Okay, hi Injun. So what are you doing here? Taeil hyung says it’s dangerous to be alone at night.”_

_“Taeil hyung?” Renjun wondered aloud._

_“My brother.”_

_His brows drew together as he narrowed his eyes at Donghyuck. “But you’re here alone, too, are you not?”_

_The boy pursed his lips. “Actually, no. My brother is in the convenience store there across the road.” He pointed to the bright sign that read ‘24 hr’. “Taeil hyung told me to keep you company. You’re safe with me, Injun, cus I know how to fight.” Donghyuck grinned and puffed out his chest proudly._

_Renjun only nodded, not really believing the boy. He sniffled as his nose was still runny from his crying earlier._

_“Come on, tell me what’s wrong,” Donghyuck tried to coax him, taking a seat on the swing next to the one he was on._

_Renjun bent forwards and hugged his Moomin plushie tighter, hiding his face as more tears spilled from his eyes. “My m-mother passed away today.”_

_“Oh.” Donghyuck’s expression immediately changed into regret. “I’m sorry. Where’s your father?”_

_“I don’t know,” Renjun sobbed. “I’ve never seen him before.”_

_There was just something about Donghyuck, something that made Renjun feel he was trustworthy. He started telling his new friend the story of his childhood with his mother, who fell sick when he was nine. Since then, he spent most of his days at the hospital after school, caring for his mother despite being just a kid._

_There was also the absence of his father. He never knew who or where the man was, never having met him once. His mother had told him not to think about it too much. There was no need to dwell on the absence of a father figure anyway with how Renjun was already showered with love from his mother without fail._

_Renjun had no intentions of furthering his studies after elementary school, opting to take care of his mother full time because the doctors had told him his mother’s illness had become more chronic. But clearly, he wasn’t prepared for her to go so soon, just months before he turned thirteen._

_With how his mother had been sick for the past four years, rendering her unable to work, there was no breadwinner in the family and Renjun was drowning in debt that he wasn’t even old enough or capable of paying. Soon, his house was taken away and the hospital was coming at his neck, demanding him to pay for his mother’s treatments._

_But he was just twelve, turning thirteen, with no clue about the outside world and penniless._

_“I don’t know what to do, Hyuck,” Renjun cried. “I have nowhere to go right now, and I also don’t know what they’ll do to me if I don’t pay up.”_

_Donghyuck stood up, went over to Renjun and kneeled on the ground so he could dry the latter’s tears. “Taeil hyung and I have also lost our parents years ago. However, in my case, I still had an older brother who cared for me. I can’t imagine how you must be feeling right now.”_

_Renjun bit his lips as more tears streamed down his face._

_“But then, we found a home. I’m pretty sure the people there will be more than glad to take you in.” Donghyuck dabbed at Renjun’s cheeks with the sleeves of his sweater. “You’ll have to do certain jobs there then you can earn a lot of money. But you’d have to go through training first, though. I’m sure if you work hard enough, you’ll succeed, right, Injun?”_

_He nodded in response, welcoming the hand Donghyuck offered him as support. “What kind of jobs do I have to do?” He was genuinely interested._

_“Hmm… removing bad guys from the world, something like that.”_

_Renjun’s eyes gleamed with excitement. “Like a hero?”_

_“Like a hero,” Donghyuck confirmed._

_The eagerness disappeared as soon as it came and Renjun slouched in his seat, eyes turning glassy once again. “I need the money right now, though.”_

_“Ah, about that, don’t worry. My brother is super rich. I think he’d let you borrow some money.” Donghyuck squeezed his hand. “But Taeil hyung is also very kind. I don’t think he would ask you to pay him back.”_

_“Hyuckie?”_

_Their conversation was cut short when a man appeared from behind Donghyuck, carrying a plastic bag in each hand._

_“Hyung!” Donghyuck ran to him excitedly and embraced the man._

_Renjun didn’t realise he was watching with adoration in his eyes how their height difference only allowed Donghyuck to reach his brother’s waist. He also recognised the feeling in his chest as envy. Renjun wished he also had someone who would look after him like that._

_He hid his face timidly behind his Moomin plushie when the attention was on him as Donghyuck gestured at him towards his brother._

_“Hyung, this is Injun. He lost his mother today and has no place to go. He’s also in debt,” Donghyuck saved him from having to explain himself to the man._

_When Donghyuck’s brother approached him, Renjun cowered but belatedly saw that he had nothing to worry about. He was silly to be intimidated by the man when he looked like a big bear who gave warm hugs and would protect you from all the dangers in the world._

_He crouched down to meet Renjun’s eyes. “Hello, Injun. You can call me Taeil hyung.”_

_Renjun gave him a small wave, not trusting his voice to speak._

_“How much money do you need?”_

_He licked his lips, anxious at the reaction he would get from Taeil. “U-um… as much as a four year hospital bill would cost.”_

_Taeil pulled a face, but it was obvious that he was only trying to be playful. “That’s a lot, but don’t worry. I can give you the money.”_

_Renjun’s ears perked up at this. “That would mean a lot to me! I want to be able to pay you back, though, so I have to go to the ‘home’ you found, right?”_

_Taeil chuckled as he pushed away strands of Renjun’s hair to wipe away the remainder of his tears. “You don’t have to pay me back, but I can take you if you really want a new home.”_

_“I do!” Renjun was hopeful and almost sounded desperate but he didn’t care._

_“Okay then, young boy.” He then turned to Donghyuck. “Could you hold these for me, please?”_

_Renjun thought the bags would be too heavy for Donghyuck, but the boy made it seem so effortless with how he carried them without difficulty. He was starting to believe it when Donghyuck claimed that he was good at fighting._

_Taeil’s focus was on Renjun again. He removed the orange beanie from his head, placing it carefully onto Renjun and tucking his hair neatly under the fabric. Then, he turned around. “Hop on.”_

_Without hesitating, Renjun quickly climbed onto Taeil’s back and squealed when the man straightened his legs. The view was so much higher and different from up here._

_“Let’s go home, Hyuckie. We’ll bring your new friend Injunnie to the agency tomorrow.”_

_Donghyuck was quick to catch up with Taeil despite him carrying two heavy loads and his brother having longer legs compared to him. “If Taeyong hyung takes him in, we can be best friends, right, hyung?” he looked up at Taeil with wide questioning eyes._

_“What do you think, Injun?” Taeil tapped the back of his knee from where he was holding Renjun in place._

_“I’d love to be best friends with you, Donghyuck.”_

—

Renjun held the orange beanie in his hands gently.

He was back at the playground where it all started. Mark was busy digging up a hole deep enough so they could bury all of Donghyuck and Taeil’s belongings, whereas Chenle was unloading the boxes from the car.

“How deep do I have to dig?” Mark breathed out.

“Well, six feet to prevent the things emerging in the case of a flood, and–”

“Okay, smarty pants,” Mark cut Chenle off before he could go on a ramble.

When they were sure the hole was deep enough, Chenle took the shovel from Mark so he could be helped out of the hole by Renjun.

“Wanna do the honours?” Chenle lifted one of the boxes and prompted Renjun to take it.

He accepted the box and shouldered the boy with a grin on his face. “‘Course.”

Renjun appreciated how they gave him some space so he could have a little moment with the last of Donghyuck and Taeil he had left. He started with dropping Taeil’s orange beanie into the ground, blindly reaching into the box for the next item.

Three boxes later, Renjun was at the last one. The remaining item was a picture frame of him and Donghyuck from when they became official field agents, having completed their two year training. In the photo, Renjun, who had ash blonde hair, was piggybacking a fiery red haired Donghyuck, both wearing bright smiles on their faces.

They appeared to be happy, like there wasn’t a single worry in the world. Renjun wished he could turn back time and relive those days.

He hugged the picture close to his chest. “I’m keeping this.”

“Are you done yet?” Chenle yelled from the distance.

Renjun was pulled out from his walk down memory lane as he turned to face his friends. Mark and Chenle were sitting on opposite ends of a seesaw. “Yeah, I’ll just need to cover up this hole.”

Their next destination was a one hour drive from the city.

“Chenle can we switch places, please?” Renjun asked before they went into the car. “I want shotgun.”

The younger boy blinked. “Why?”

“I do not want to be sitting next to Johnny’s stuff. It feels sinister.” Goosebumps rose on his skin at the mere mention of the name. “Like his ghost would jump out of the box and haunt me or something.”

Mark rolled down the window from where he sat in the driver’s seat. “Injun, this isn’t jack-in-the-box.”

“Johnny-in-the-box, more like,” Chenle supplied helpfully.

“Oh my God, shut the fuck up.” Renjun’s patience was running thin.

Chenle rolled his eyes and threw his hands in the air. “Okay, okay. You get shotgun, geez.”

Renjun also refused to carry the box at their stop, which was the woods where nobody would be at during this time. But he did, however, pour gasoline all over Johnny’s belongings.

“Where’s the match?”

“I’ve got it.” Mark patted every pocket on his clothes to locate the object. He fished it out from his back pocket and handed it to Renjun.

He struck a match and threw it into the heap of things. Then, two, and made it three just so the fire could grow bigger and bigger and engulf Johnny’s things, turning them into nothing but ashes, just like Renjun hoped his memories of Johnny would, too.

—

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

Jaemin stared blankly at one of his best friends. “Why wouldn’t I be, Jeno?”

“Well, for starters,” Jisung chimed in from the kitchen, gulping down a glass of milk, “you just experienced the loss of your father.”

“But I experienced a gain in my bank account,” Jaemin retorted.

“Wait, I feel like I’d go to hell if I laugh.” Jeno sucked his lips inwards to prevent himself from laughing.

“No, actually, I think that was funny,” Jisung commented, making his way to the living room where Jaemin and Jeno sat, but accidentally kicked a box and tripped. “Shit!”

“Hey, careful!” Jaemin scolded him. “Some things inside there are fragile.”

“So you’re just not gonna give a damn if I dislocate my knee?” Jisung seethed, still laying on the floor, trying to withstand the pain from the fall.

“See, Jisung,” Jeno said before popping a strawberry into his mouth. “I told you it was wrong to laugh at that joke.”

Jaemin grinned from ear to ear as he watched his best friends’ shenanigans. He was definitely going to miss this when he moved away later.

The three of them were huddled together on the sofa after being done with packing away Jaemin’s things, drinking red wine – Jaehyun’s favourite.

Jaemin remembered this fact up to this day because when he was a kid and kept asking to taste the drink Jaehyun always had, his brother told him to wait until he was older. But thirteen year old Jaemin was rebellious and secretly tried it while his brother was asleep one night when he slept over at Jaehyun’s house and then proceeded to get knocked out.

“Promise you’ll come visit us occasionally?” Jeno asked with a pout. If Jaemin thought he resembled a Samoyed, right now Jeno looked like a sad puppy.

“Of course, I will. I would never trade my boys for the world.”

“Even your assassin boyfriend?” Jisung teased him.

Jaemin glared at him jokingly. “Now that’s just unfair.” He took a sip of his drink. “Do you actually believe that he’s an assassin?”

“Well… that’s just an inside joke between us three, right?” There wasn’t a hint of doubt in Jisung’s voice.

Jaemin snorted. “Sure it is.” Then, a longing sigh escaped his lips. “I really love this place. It’s very beautiful.”

He recalled the times Renjun came over, how he first confessed to the boy about his feelings here, that time where they had a food fight instead of baking cookies, and the one night where they shared a very intimate moment together.

“Yeah,” agreed Jeno. “You can see almost the whole of Seoul from this penthouse.”

“Would be a shame if I just sold it.” It was Jaemin’s turn to pout now as he forcefully slammed his head backwards onto the soft cushion.

“Your bank account would grow fatter, though,” Jisung suggested.

“Aha!” Jaemin suddenly exclaimed as a light bulb went off in his head, startling his two best friends. He sat up straight again. “What if I just gave this penthouse to the both of you? You could use this as a secret hideout or something.”

“Really?” Jeno asked, eyes wide. “You’d do that?”

“Yeah, instead of just selling it?” Jisung also seemed to be in disbelief.

“Well, yeah…? I already have more than enough money that a 22 year old should have.” Jaemin put his right leg on top of his left one, shifting into a comfortable position. “Plus, it would be nice if you two could, I don’t know, look after Jaehyun hyung’s piano.” He gestured towards the grand piano sitting at the corner of the living room.

“We could certainly do that,” Jeno assured him.

Jaemin made to reach for a strawberry from the bowl placed on Jeno’s lap but Jisung tapped him on the shoulder first. He looked at the boy questioningly.

Jisung was pointing at something. “Hyung, are you not gonna take that?”

Jaemin turned to see what he was talking about, only to see the picture frame holding the photo of him and Jaehyun. “Oh, yeah. Thanks for reminding me. I’ll keep it in one of the boxes now.”

“Do you think your father reunited with Jaehyun hyung in heaven?” Jeno asked him once he returned.

Jaemin mulled over it for a moment.

Would his father be in heaven?

“No, I don’t think so.”

—

This was nothing big. He had gotten rid of his worst nightmare already.

So why the fuck was Renjun nervous, hands trembling as he stood in front of this familiar door?

He forced himself to man up and be brave, knocking on it twice.

“Come in.” It was a different voice this time, not the one he would usually hear for the past-how-many years.

He sucked in a deep breath through his nostrils, exhaling the air through his mouth before turning the doorknob and pushing the door open. His heart calmed down when the person behind the table wasn’t Johnny, but Taeyong.

Renjun was given a warm greeting. “Agent Huang!” the man smiled brightly. “Come on in.”

If only it was that easy.

This was the same exact room where he had taken Johnny out, except it was a bit darker this time without the sunlight because the blinds were drawn. As they should be. He wondered how Taeyong wasn’t unsettled by occupying a dead man’s room, especially one where he had died in.

But perhaps, it was because this was initially supposed to be his room after all.

Renjun closed the door behind him and took a seat in one of the leather chairs. “Morning, Taeyong hyung.”

“Morning to you, too.” Taeyong was full of bubbly energy even in the morning, that it had an effect on everyone around him as well. His charms were irresistible, and it was sure to bring a smile on your face. “What brings you here, Agent Huang?”

“Ah, just ‘Renjun’ or ‘Injun’ is fine, hyung.”

Taeyong made a confused noise in the back of his throat. “You worked so hard to earn that title. Doesn’t it make you proud to hear the word ‘agent’ followed by your last name?”

“About that…” Renjun smiled awkwardly and let out a nervous laugh. “I came here about that.”

Taeyong nodded, gazing deep into his eyes to let Renjun know he was all ears. “Go on.”

“Um…” he licked his lips. “Hyung, I want to quit.”

He didn’t get much of a reaction from Taeyong, not even shock or disappointment.

The man only acknowledged the bombshell Renjun dropped on him with a hum. “I see. We can work on that.” He reached out to hold Renjun’s hands. “But are you sure, though? You do know that once agents leave, they aren’t allowed to keep contact with anyone else in the agency, right?”

It was heartwarming how Taeyong didn’t try to convince him to stay, or told him to think twice about his decision because it would cause a disadvantage on the agency’s side, having lost a skilful agent. Rather, he was thinking of Renjun’s wellbeing, asking him if it was okay for him to part with his friends.

“Yeah, hyung. I’ve been thinking about this long and hard. I’ve made my decision.” He placed his right hand on top of Taeyong’s. “I want to live with the love of my life.”

Taeyong’s jaw dropped open before he gasped and started laughing. “Look at you, Injunnie! Already so grown up.” He patted Renjun’s cheeks before pinching them lightly. “I’ve watched you grow up for the past nine years and honestly, I’m so proud of you, Renjun.”

He smiled sheepishly. “Thank you, hyung.”

“Well, it would be cruel of me to deny you that request.” Taeyong opened his top drawer to retrieve some papers. “We need to discuss some things and get your sign, then you’re all set.”

“Yeah, I’d love that. Thank you, Taeyong hyung. I’ve also learnt a lot from you.”

Taeyong looked up briefly before continuing to write on the papers. “You did? Glad to know that. If anyone messes with you, you know what to do.” He mimicked the way one would throw a grenade.

“Hyung, no!” Renjun doubled over, clutching his stomach with how hard he was laughing.

Taeyong was laughing as well. He ruffled Renjun’s silver hair. “It’s so nice to see you happy.”

—

“I can’t believe you’re really leaving.”

“Don’t say that, Chenle! You’re gonna make it hard for him to leave.”

The bickering between Mark and Chenle reminded him an awful lot about him and Donghyuck. Now, instead of feeling sad, he only smiled at the fond memories.

“Actually, yeah, it would,” he said in all honesty.

A look of guilt flashed through Chenle’s face. “Sorry, I didn’t say it to guilt trip you into staying or anything. I just really can’t believe it. Please know that I’m genuinely happy for you because you’re pursuing your happiness.”

“Wait, that’s so sweet,” Renjun said, impressed.

“Me, too. I hope you live a happy life because it’s what you deserve,” said Mark.

To hide his tears, Renjun pulled the both of them into a hug. “Thank you for taking care of me during my darkest time even if we’re not the closest of friends. Hyuck meant the most to me but know that you both are a close second. I’m so glad to have known you from the agency. I don’t know what I would’ve done without you guys.”

“Hey, you’re still a friend, okay. We couldn’t just let you be alone in such a situation.” Mark patted his back.

“Yeah, and I have to admit that I feel at ease the most when I’m your handler compared to when I’m handling other agents. That’s because you’re smart as fuck and brilliant, and I trust that you’ll always come back to us in one piece.”

Renjun pulled away. “But what about now?”

Chenle smiled. It was bittersweet. “Well, you may not come back to us anymore but I know you’ll always be in one piece wherever you are so I’m still at ease.”

Mark piped in. “So I’m sure we don’t have to tell you to be safe because you already know, right?”

“Definitely, Mark hyung.” He embraced them again. “Writing to you once in a while wouldn’t hurt, right?”

“Of course not,” Chenle said.

“I don’t think Taeyong hyung would mind too much either. He’s an angel.”

Renjun hummed and then stepped backwards to look at them one last time. “Are we ready to say goodbye now?”

“Go, Renjun.” Chenle slung an arm around Mark’s shoulder.

Mark pulled the younger boy closer by the waist. “Run and don’t look back.”

“Thanks for everything.” Renjun bit his lip, cheeks starting to hurt from his wide smile. “I’ll never forget you guys.”

And just like that, Renjun took off into the streets of Seoul, away from the agency and down the path he’d grown familiar with, feeling liberated.

He was going to a place he called home.

And his home was Jaemin.

—

Today was the day.

It was the day where they moved forward and started a new life, making new memories filled with only felicity, leaving behind the abject past.

The whole of Seoul city was before him but Renjun chose to admire Jaemin instead.

He was leaning against the railing of the balcony, still managing to stand taller than Renjun as he looked down at the cluster of buildings surrounding the Namsan Tower in the distance.

Renjun was too distracted at the way the sunlight made Jaemin glow brighter, the slight crease of his eyebrows due to the brightness of the day, and how the boy’s pink hair fluttered messily but in a pretty way when the warm summer breeze hit them to notice that he was saying something. “What was that?”

“I said I don’t think I could live away from the city.” Jaemin stood up straight, turning his body so he could face Renjun and pull him closer. He smiled before blowing away specks of dust from Renjun’s bangs.

The older boy giggled at the gesture, closing his eyes. “Then we’ll just live in the city. I love the view at night.”

Jaemin hummed. “Good idea,” he said and rested his chin on top of Renjun’s head. “What do you want to do after this?”

“I’m not really sure.” Renjun circled his arms around Jaemin’s waist, and he decided that nothing else felt like home. “Art, maybe? I’ve always wanted to do art. What about you, Nana?”

“I think I’d like to pursue photography.” Jaemin pulled away and kissed him on the forehead before heading back into the penthouse.

Renjun followed suit. “You’re not going anywhere if you take pictures of me only, silly.”

“Okay,” Jaemin laughed. “I’ll take pictures of pretty things and non-Renjuns alike.”

“What the fuck does that even mean?” He couldn’t help but laugh as well.

Jaemin was a dumbass, but he was Renjun’s dumbass.

And Renjun wouldn’t want it any other way.

The laughter ceased when Jaemin’s phone suddenly rang. He grabbed the device from his pocket, examining the caller ID. “Oh, our ride’s here.”

Renjun’s heartbeat picked up at the announcement. He still found it hard to believe that he was really going to start anew, turning over a new leaf with Jaemin, the love of his life. He darted out his tongue to wet his lips, feeling jittery but giddy at the same time.

Jaemin held a hand out. “Ready?”

He nodded, taking Jaemin’s hand in his. “Ready.”

Renjun knew it was hard for Jaemin to leave his home behind, because it was the same for him, so he squeezed the boy’s hand reassuringly, reminding him that he was here for Jaemin, always. Even in the elevator when they were going down, exiting the building and making their way to the taxi waiting for them.

“Hey, Injun, guess what?” Jaemin asked after they’d finished putting their luggages in the trunk.

“What?”

He grinned, and Renjun recognised it as the one where it indicated that he was about to say something stupid. “I’m supposed to be the hitman, not you.”

Renjun frowned, perplexed. “Why?”

“Because I hit on you first.” Jaemin wiggled his eyebrows.

“Na Jaemin, that is the worst joke I’ve ever heard!” Renjun punched him in the chest. “I’m breaking up with you.”

“No, you won’t,” said Jaemin smugly.

“You’re right.” Renjun stood on the tip of his toes, wrapping his arms around Jaemin’s shoulders and stared into the constellations that were in the boy’s eyes. He didn’t miss the way Jaemin’s eyes flickered towards his lips so Renjun closed the distance between them, drowning out everything in the world as he shared the sweetest kiss with Jaemin.

To say that he would risk everything for Jaemin was an understatement, because he did, in fact, risk everything for the boy. And Renjun wouldn’t hesitate to do it again and again if it meant being able to spend a lifetime with him.

With Jaemin, forever didn’t feel like a long time.

“Something came in the mail today.”

Mark only looked at Chenle from the rim of his coffee mug as the latter joined him at the dining table.

“It’s from… France,” Chenle continued. He scooted closer towards Mark so they could read the letter together.

_to. lee minhyung and zhong chenle_  
_i am doing fine and am missing you both so much, especially our dear friend who’s up in heaven._

Sobs filled the quiet place as she cried, reading the letter that was in her son’s handwriting. It was unmistakably Jaemin’s, in the black gel pen she knew he preferred over ballpoint pens.

_i am sending this letter to you so that you won’t worry over me, and also to have you know that you’ll always be in my heart._

“Stop crying, Jisung.” Jeno hugged the boy close to him, trying to comfort him. “You’re a big boy already.”

Jisung only cried harder. “That’s what Jaemin hyung used to say to me.”

_take care of yourself and always be kind to the people around you, especially yourself. one valuable lesson i learnt in life is to fight for what you want, no matter what it takes. the end result is always satisfactory if you put your all into it. there will always be ups and downs in life, but you must always be courageous and face it. only you can decide the path your life will take, so do it properly._

_life is so much more enjoyable if you have someone you love by your side, be it platonically or romantically. if you have that certain someone, cherish them forever and constantly remind them of how much you love them._

_though we may not be saints and have most probably done some bad and regretful things, we cannot change the past. but we can, however, change ourselves for the better. the past is not to be dwelled upon, but to take bits and pieces of it as lessons to be learnt. forward and into a better future is where we must move._

_always start your day with a smile on your face and strive to only create happy memories._

_— love, hrj and njm_

Clipped at the bottom of each letter was a drawing of Moomin drinking banana milk and a polaroid of a chrysanthemum.

**Author's Note:**

> if you’ve managed to read up to here, thank you.
> 
> this is the longest fic i’ve written and honestly, i have no idea how it happened. i just saw the prompt and was like "yeah, this has to be mine" then just went crazy with it. i spent two hours planning it out and four months writing it to the point where i got so attached to the characters. everyday i just think about renjun and jaemin and how they’d be doing in france...
> 
> here’s the [playlist](https://open.spotify.com/playlist/0qyVkcjkWyb5gn8FhdH7O0?si=ZsvxpQFgQxGezZJ_RaksUQ) for this fic!! i tried my best to arrange it following the sequence of the events that took place in the story, but whether you listen to it in orderly manner or not is up to youuuu <3
> 
> i swear i’ll shut up soon but if you know my twitter, feel free to drop by and say hi!! thank you again :)


End file.
